Hi there guys!

This is my first post on this forum and its one that concerns all of us at one point or another...Keeping the girl... We like a girl, get to know her, have GREAT times and then all of a sudden the carpet is whipped out from underneath you! Those hot texts are less frequent, she's less inclined to meet you no matter how cool and collected you are and those phone calls you once looked forward to are now a drab mix of disinterest and distraction....

Here's my story so far, although it may sound like you've heard it all before...


I' am tall, well built 24 year old, well raised, good looking British Asian ... I'm a big socializer (as and when i get the chance), part of a modern, loving, progressive family and have a great set of male friends that I've known for years...

I started my journey into 'getting better' with women over a few years ago now and have seen big success on the date scene adopting a less scripted and more natural approach to meeting women, BUT....There in lies a problem...

I seem to get with women, meet them, date them, have my feelings reciprocated but those I have had the most meaningful relationships with all seemed to have some kind of dysfunction.... I'm not kidding here.... Deep set issues, eating disorders, family history, dating history AND IT SUCKS FOR ME!!! I love to date but when I see signs for things to progress I willingly accept for the potential good that arises and feelings that develope for each other (and that she's hot ), but it's as if a switch flips in her mind and she decides to lose the plot or go completely cold on me for one reason or another!

I have recently been dating this girl who I have had my eye on since my undergrad days at university, but it never happened as we were always in relationships at the time. Though this was the case we always had fun in each others company, there was always abit of fun underlying sexual Tension between us. Six weeks ago we started talking to each other after a two years of "hi's" and "byes" and within a few fun and flirty conversations we arranged for a date. On that same night, after a whirl wind night in London we ended up in bed together

She told me about the relationship she was currently in, going on one and half years, how she was unhappy with how she was being treated and promptly broke up with the guy two days later... I could understand where she was coming from as some indian families wouldn't accept anything other than asian women, even date wise which luckily I never had a problem with. He tells her there was no love (which sounds like crap to me) and she did likewise which, by the sounds of it, made her happier than she had been for a while!! (wow this guy must have been a d1ck)

I can imagine that being kept a secret and not being 'good enough' to be seen in public with can mess with a girls head... Safe to say that the next day, after the date I could tell she really liked me and I her. There would be texts and calls everyday, meeting up at my place as she cooked or I prepared dinner and we'd enjoy each others company just sitting in and enjoying a movie. It was a lot of fun in the throws of attraction as we would sexually tease and be playful but ultimately we liked the way things were going... Thanks to experience i learnt to always be on my toes and never bear too much all in one go, better to let things progress naturally without putting pressure on the relationship..


After our fourth night... A BIG shift blind sided my otherwise stable calm....


She decided that there would be no more sex for while till she had gotten over her last relationship, which to be fair had only been over for the past 3 weeks... We talked about it and both agreed to really get to know each other in the mean time given the hang up she has about delving into another relationship immediatley after the last. In my view, you could still be physical and get to know each other but this seemed like something she wanted to get over first.

The weeks have rolled by trying to hangout with her but she seemed distracted, cold and indifferent over the phone... She could make time with the whole world except for me! I called her on her coldness towards me, confronted her with the firm stance of leaving because of this and that she really needed to get over this last relationship as it was affecting our of interactions let alone our feelings towards each other.... She admitted to not being happy and angry because of her previous mistreatment, repeating "I'm being such a bitch to you" and I left it at that. As far as I'm concerned I had things to do and couldn't deal with this emotional headache despite her claim to being over her last boyfriend.....

Me: You seem to really be hanging on to this guy and are clearly not over the anger he caused you so I'm going to leave you to it, I have things to do and places to be so get back to me when you're happier within yourself.

Her: What If I want to call you?!

Me: I wont deny you contact with me, when all this settles I'll still be here... Just dont expect me to pay for some other guy's mistake... Only you can decide to not be a bitch, but until then you're not hearing from me any time soon...Bye...

Two days later I get a phone call from her withall the basic chit chat, I'm still my happy go lucky self getting busy with study work and some hobby work...
As the conversation heated from both sides, she asks "dont you even want to be my friend?"...

I dont know about you but friends usually dont have sex unless of course someone agreed to being a friend with benefits...

This of course has led me to feel even more confused as to where I stood with her. I said tojust being friends at the least (even though its kind of passed that given the history of it all) so we could at least have some fun in eachothers company (rebuilding the attraction becomes a matter being the guy that doesn't fit the friend zone thereafter). Finally, giving her the benefit of the doubt, I invited her out for some festive window shopping to get into the spirit of the season just as two 'close friends', again I was met with an excuse as she was busy unpacking at her new flat all day proclaiming how she so badly wanted to be there...

I was unreactive, kept my cool and keeping with this close friend thing I rearranged for the following week after the moving into her new place. She had been out till 7 in the morning two nights before with friends, so really, was unpacking really that pressing??

I truly feel like Im being played and it happens everytime I open up alittle (even with the skills and experiences I have gained and implimented along the way), and I dont know if she actually cares for me at all... What do I do to get my power back here and turn things around??

I dont want this to be an issue later on down the line as its emotionally draining, frustrating and painful...I mean...Doesn't every guy deserve a genuine, open, lasting and fulfilling relationship without the risk of being walked over?




~ Infamous_Jeevz ~