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  1. #1
    sohofresco is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Felt like I was mislead into pseudo relationship with HB9, need advice.

    Hey guys, i'm new to this site and would've never thought i'd go online for help but this situation has me confused and disappointing. I am 22 and she is 21, her last relationship was a year ago and it was a abusive one.

    Here goes, I ended up talking to a HB9 (co worker) back in November of 2011. We became FWB in December. Things were good that month until one night she broke down and basically became emotional first. She said that all we did is have sex so things changed going into a new year. On New Year's, we had amazing sex and she told me she never had a experience like that before. ( I browse these forums and took advice on being the fun guy and always came up with fun ideas for us) Hey guys, i'm new to this site and would've never thought i'd go online for help but this situation has me confused and disappointing. I am 22 and she is 21, her last relationship was a year ago and it was a abusive one. Your advice would really be appreciated.

    Here goes, I ended up talking to a HB9 (co worker) back in November of 2011. We became FWB in December. Things were good that month until one night she broke down and basically became emotional first. She said that all we did is have sex so things changed going into a new year. On New Year's, we had amazing sex and she told me she never had a experience like that before. ( I browse these forums and took advice on being the fun guy and always came up with fun ideas for us) Side note: I ended up getting another job so we were no longer coworkers..it was better for us anyway)

    During these fun times, we went wine tasting, gambling at a casino, ice skating etc (wouldn't these be considered dates?). We were very affectionate in public and made songs together ( I have a home studio) Intimate songs about our sex we had. On her birthday, we went to a spa she gave me a blowjob on the massage table ( no sex since she was on her period but it was still a intense and romantic experience)She would talk about the future and how we would have beautiful kids together. At this time, im defintialy consider us dating so I never brung it up and just continued the fun times.
    After all, why would FWB do so much together? After this time, we've been talking for 6 months and things cool down. We hang out 1-2 times a week due to our busy schedules but when we do, it's fun. We still talked on the phone when we didn't see each other.
    Fast foward to the present with a update. We were talking on the phone two nights ago and I was discussing a topic using the terms "us and we". She cut me off (not rudely) and asked a SHOCKING question. Her exact question was "wait, are you looking for a relationship?"
    I was so shocked and caught of guard, that I instantly answered "well yeah, aren't you?" AFC move on my part but guys,I really didn't see this coming. We did all things a couple would do for 6 months, I thought we were dating. I mean, it was random and it's not like I brought up the relationship talk. She answered with "I am not but I have crazy feelings for you and I do not want any of this to change. It's not you, it's me. I've been there and done that and it's not that i'm afraid to commit..it's just that I don't want to say yes to something my heart wouldn't be into. I don't want to feel trapped like my ex made me feel and I just want to be free, single like i'm used to being. My feelings towards a relationship might change over time"

    Whoa, I was still shocked after hearing this and honestly felt mislead because all this time, we acted like a couple. AFC of me again, I responded with how surprised I was and that we want two different things and know one is to blame for that. She continued to say it's her and not me. She didn't want to get off the phone and kept on trying to keep the convo going ( on other topics).After we got off the phone, I didn't feel the same about her.

    After that night, I went no contact so here's a update from the results of going NC.

    Text Convo from yesterday:

    HB9: 4:00 pm Hey, how was work?

    Me: (responded 2 hrs later, I was really busy)It was good,how was your day....

    Her: 6:35 pm Proactive, I got a lot of work done

    Me: (responded 15 min. later) Cool

    Her 7:19 pm(basically responded quick) Wow, you never respond to my text like that but ok, cool.

    Me: Alright
    Didn't get any response for the rest of the night.

    I don't want to play games, I honestly don't want to talk to her anymore but I don't know if I am overreacting or what. Her, I'm not looking for a relationship line was really a blow. Don't know If I should go NC still or what.

    During these fun times, we went wine tasting, gambling at a casino, ice skating etc (wouldn't these be considered dates?). We were very affectionate in public and made songs together ( I have a home studio) Intimate songs about our sex we had. On her birthday, we went to a spa she gave me a blowjob on the massage table ( no sex since she was on her period but it was still a intense and romantic experience)She would talk about the future and how we would have beautiful kids together. At this time, im defintialy consider us dating so I never brung it up and just continued the fun times.
    After all, why would FWB do so much together? After this time, we've been talking for 6 months and things cool down. We hang out 1-2 times a week due to our busy schedules but when we do, it's fun. We still talked on the phone when we didn't see each other.
    Fast foward to the present with a update. We were talking on the phone two nights ago and I was discussing a topic using the terms "us and we". She cut me off (not rudely) and asked a SHOCKING question. Her exact question was "wait, are you looking for a relationship?"
    I was so shocked and caught of guard, that I instantly answered "well yeah, aren't you?" AFC move on my part but guys,I really didn't see this coming. We did all things a couple would do for 6 months, I thought we were dating. I mean, it was random and it's not like I brought up the relationship talk. She answered with "I am not but I have crazy feelings for you and I do not want any of this to change. It's not you, it's me. I've been there and done that and it's not that i'm afraid to commit..it's just that I don't want to say yes to something my heart wouldn't be into. I don't want to feel trapped like my ex made me feel and I just want to be free, single like i'm used to being. My feelings towards a relationship might change over time"

    Whoa, I was still shocked after hearing this and honestly felt mislead because all this time, we acted like a couple. AFC of me again, I responded with how surprised I was and that we want two different things and know one is to blame for that. She continued to say it's her and not me. She didn't want to get off the phone and kept on trying to keep the convo going ( on other topics).After we got off the phone, I didn't feel the same about her.

    After that night, I went no contact so here's a update from the results of going NC.

    Text Convo from yesterday:

    HB9: 4:00 pm Hey, how was work?

    Me: (responded 2 hrs later, I was really busy)It was good,how was your day....

    Her: 6:35 pm Proactive, I got a lot of work done

    Me: (responded 15 min. later) Cool

    Her 7:19 pm(basically responded quick) Wow, you never respond to my text like that but ok, cool.

    Me: Alright
    Didn't get any response for the rest of the night.

    I don't want to play games, I honestly don't want to talk to her anymore but I don't know if I am overreacting or what. Her, I'm not looking for a relationship line was really a blow. Don't know If I should go NC still or what.

  2. #2
    azhcd64 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Felt like I was mislead into pseudo relationship with HB9, need advice.

    In my opinion, you both failed at communicating the change of status. Your perception of dating and being fark buddies was obviously different from hers. Some people who are fark buddies just go to their respective places and do the deed. Some people will "date" without the label attached to it. They will go out then fark, but still be strictly fark buddies. In a Fark buddy situation, you always need to clarify exactly what the parameters of being a fark buddy are (if you don't want to do the dates because they are too "emotional" for you, then it's best to let a fark buddy girl know that you want to keep it in the bedroom...)

    Her talking about kids and a future? A $hit test to see where your head was at...(obviously you didn't completely blow your cover, but she was starting to get a hint of your emotional state...that's why she did it...)

    Now, it's true she was obviously led you on pretty damn hard (with said $hit test) and left stuff vague. That is on her. She probably didn't know better, and considering her previous relationship, she was probably on a bit of a "high" with being properly treated. She obviously felt devalued by having strictly sex (she was seeing signs of being from one kind of abusive relationship to another...), and wanted to raise her perceived value by going out on faux dates....the error was on her for not clarifying that she wanted merely to be seen in higher value rather than being true relationship...it was also on you for merely assuming in her emotional state that this was an advancement of a change from fark buddy to dating. Again, failure to communicate the parameters was on both sides.

    The moment she was starting to get a whiff of your emotional change, that's when she cooled off and she was kind of waiting for something to crack once she took away some of your "beneficial" time. Then, you cracked and that's when she called out.
    Now, if you want to go NC, that's fine. I honestly think she wants you to put you in as a fark buddy orbiter...she wants to be wine, dined, farked, but without the pressure of a true relationship.

    You have to decide for next time when you have a Fark buddy that if being on "false" dates is too much for you. Remember, everyone's definition of statuses is different and if you don't communicate exactly what your definitions are...
    or at least decide together what the definitions of fark buddy and dating is...stuff happens.

    Also, remember one thing...
    This is what she truly wants :
    .it's just that I don't want to say yes to something my heart wouldn't be into. I don't want to feel trapped like my ex made me feel (this is why she wanted to go on faux dates...to have her perception of her value higher and to avoid feeling like she was repeating a potential mistake) and I just want to be free, single like i'm used to being.
    This is what she says to keep you hooked as a fark buddy orbiter
    My feelings towards a relationship might change over time

  3. #3
    uluvtheLD is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Felt like I was mislead into pseudo relationship with HB9, need advice.

    My suggestion to you: Cut it off.

    She clearly has the upperhand and if anything continues, its on her terms. She did lead you on, probably sensed you liked her more than just a friend/FWB but continued to have her cake and eat it too. Which I wouldnt say is bitchy..... since you were having your cake and eating it too ( sex and realtionship type affection and activities).

    The point is you both want different things. You felt used and thats why you dont want to talk to her anymore. You gave her a bit of a shit test by giving her a pseudo-cold shoulder with your short text responses. Which is kind of AFC because you are putting The Vibe out there that you are pissed but you are waiting for her to react. Her only reactions are that she will think you a needy, annoying, pussy or she will cut it off (very small chance she will come crawling to you since she likes her freedom, as she put it).

    Honestly it sounds like its over since you both are fundamentally incompatible (looking for different things). Since you both want different things, you perceive things differently. When she gave you that blowjob at the spa,...you thought it was romantic...she probably thought it was just wild, slutty, kinky thing to do. When she mentioned all you do is have sex.... you thought she wanted something more meaningful, she just wanted to milk you out of some money to have fun. When she shit tested you about having beautiful babies, you thought she was picturing a life together, she was just complementing your looks and hers (she does sound selfish and like an egomaniac, afterall).

    Cut your time and financial losses with this girl and move one. It definitely sounds like its on its way out anyway....its always better to do the dumping because the emoitional backlash is easier to handle. Its as simple as saying " We both clearly want different things. I need a girl who is not only willing to commit, but wants to. You have your reasons, but you are not that girl. We had fun, but I want more than just that in my life"

  4. #4
    sohofresco is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Felt like I was mislead into pseudo relationship with HB9, need advice.

    Thanks for the replies guys. Everything said in the above posts sums it all up pretty much. I have to remember that women are emotional. Things were all fun during the honey moon stage and when that wore off...she probably started to really feel that relation vibe between us. A vibe that she didnt mind at first but hey, women emotions change like the weather. You guys are also right in that shes gone. Havn't heard from her ever since that text exchange (A week ago) whatever though , it's her loss.


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