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  1. #1
    roland82 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Trying to get a better read on what she wants, 4 dates in...

    Hey,

    So I have very little dating experience from being in an excessively LONG LTR. Now I am back in the dating world and final found someone pretty awesome.

    We've been talking for about a 1.5 months now, and we've gone on 4 dates. Each date has been progressively longer, and the last culminating at me sleeping over her place, we got physical, but not all the way, yet.

    My inexperience in dating started to rear it's ugly head, and I guess I formed a case of oneitis, and started coming on way to strong.

    We've talked since the sleep over, but lastnight we got into a small conversation about me coming on to strong... (yea I know, I know)

    Anyway, she said she really wasn't into labels, and she was concerned that I may have been label-centric. I won't lie and say I wouldn't want her as a girlfriend, but I am more than willing to play it cool, and take this as casual as needed be.

    We ended our convo last night with pretty much...
    Her: "We're still good. I have a lot of fun with you and regardless I think, as long as you are okay with it, we could always be friends, but we will see what happens, is that ok?"

    I said that I take it to mean that we're still dating, and we'll keep having fun (physically) etc etc. And she "seemed" to be on the same page.

    My buddy is having a BBQ this saturday and she is going to come with me, as a date.

    So... my questions...
    1.) Is she just being nice and trying to let me down easily, or is she really still interested, but wants to go slow and let things happen...
    2.) What the hell should I do to recover and get myself back in to work the right direction?

    Thanks in advance,
    Ro
    A lost newb.

  2. #2
    Cody's Avatar
    Cody is offline PUA All Star (RETIRED)
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    Default Re: Trying to get a better read on what she wants, 4 dates in...

    She wants to fuck you.

    Lol, but no dead serious she does. I'm not into labels = I just want to have sex with you right now without the repercussions. You're getting too serious too fast. Fuck around with her for a bit. Have some fun. Take things lightly and if she sees you as compatible you two will end up exclusive. She doesn't want to sign up for something without knowing what she's getting into, and she wants to know everything, including the sex.

    Am I sure? 90%. I don't know anything about her, but from that analysis it's a solid conjecture.
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  3. #3
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    Suave Kino is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Trying to get a better read on what she wants, 4 dates in...

    You better escalate and close before you fall into the wimp zone. She really doesn't have an investment in you until you f close her. She likes you but you haven't closed yet and you are coming on strong...slow down with that and focus on the task at hand.

  4. #4
    SiliconMagician's Avatar
    SiliconMagician is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Trying to get a better read on what she wants, 4 dates in...

    Quote Originally Posted by Suave Kino View Post
    You better escalate and close before you fall into the wimp zone. She really doesn't have an investment in you until you f close her. She likes you but you haven't closed yet and you are coming on strong...slow down with that and focus on the task at hand.
    Who the hell keeps teaching men they have to have some nkind of official relationship before having sex with a woman?
    I just don't understand why men have such a problem understanding the modern hook up culture. All these outdated ideas are hindering men. Men need to just learn to stop worrying about tying a woman down. Let her worry about tying them down!

    Women have fully shed these old ideas about relationships and sex. Why haven't most men?

    Sex is no longer a special act. Its something you do wsith friends, or even complete strangers. Men need to quit being scared to push for sex.

  5. #5
    roland82 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Trying to get a better read on what she wants, 4 dates in...

    Awesome guys! Thanks for the advice! I'm meeting her at her place before we go out today. We're taking separate cars to the BBQ because she has to bail early (cousins bday) so besides the chance few minutes of possibly being in her house when we first meet I'm not going to have any time alone with her.

    My plan then is to keep up the physical Kino and build the sexual Tension. Though do I really want to spend all day building her up just to let her go out to a bar with her cousin and friends for their bday!? Lol

    Thanks for all the help so far! I thought I really f'ed myself here!
    Ro

  6. #6
    Cody's Avatar
    Cody is offline PUA All Star (RETIRED)
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    Default Re: Trying to get a better read on what she wants, 4 dates in...

    Quote Originally Posted by SiliconMagician View Post
    Who the hell keeps teaching men they have to have some nkind of official relationship before having sex with a woman?
    I just don't understand why men have such a problem understanding the modern hook up culture. All these outdated ideas are hindering men. Men need to just learn to stop worrying about tying a woman down. Let her worry about tying them down!

    Women have fully shed these old ideas about relationships and sex. Why haven't most men?

    Sex is no longer a special act. Its something you do wsith friends, or even complete strangers. Men need to quit being scared to push for sex.
    I agree for the most part, but sex has the potential to be a special act. Like most things, it means what you want it to mean.

    And not all women have shed traditional values. You have to take into account culture. I'm from Iowa so a lot of girls I meet are from small towns that still hold those values and beliefs strong and true. Knowing your location and knowing your women always helps get what you want.
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  7. #7
    roland82 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Trying to get a better read on what she wants, 4 dates in...

    The BBQ went well I think. I met her at her place for a few, but the timing didn't feel right to force anything. However we hung out at my friends for a while, I kept the Kino up, and challenged her to some games, one of which we played one on one and I joked that we were playing the strip version of it, and she had already lost her shirt, bra and pants! She laughed at that, then when she scored a point, I just pointed to my shoe, lmao!

    I've been working on re-framing the context of our "relationship" into casual dating and fun. I think it's working. When she left I walked her to her car and gave her a kiss on the lips. We were standing in front of the valet, so I couldn't really go in for making out.

    All in all, I think it's moving in the right direction... Comments?

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Trying to get a better read on what she wants, 4 dates in...

    Sounds like you've got it on the right track. Good work!
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