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  1. #1
    miked is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Shes going cold. What to do?

    Been seeing this girl around six weeks. Things went great initially, i got her crazy in to me. Lots of good sex and intimacy. Suddenly starting at the beginning of this week things changed. Not answering my texts within an appropriate time and not calling me. Cancelled plans with me twice this week and when i get her on the phone always has to go real quick. Ive resisted the urge to be completely needy and am trying to play it cool. Whats the course of action here? Best to freeze her out or call her on her shit? How do i turn this around and regain control?

  2. #2
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Shes going cold. What to do?

    Have to find out if there's another guy in the picture. Usually a girl doesn't just go cold for no reason after having sex with you. Need to do some intel or tell us more.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Shes going cold. What to do?

    The story is a bit vague but unless you have enough value and rapport with her then you should not call her directly on her bs. The reasons she's doing this can vary a lot. It can be she simply lost interest, found another guy, or wants you to step up and chase her. Like I said the story is a bit vague.

  4. #4
    miked is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Shes going cold. What to do?

    Well up until Monday I had her calling me baby and talking about being my girlfriend. Then as soon as Monday rolls around she pulls a total 180. She stopped initiating text convos everyday(which had become the norm for us by now), and was hard to get/keep on the phone. By around thursday I took this as a signal that she wanted more investment from me so I was more aggressive about re initiating contact and hanging out with little success. (I was able to meet her for a quick lunch where she was noticeably less conversational and only offered up small kisses) I now feel this aggression may have been the wrong move now and shows me as needy. In fact, right before I posted yesterday I gave her a ring that she didnt answer. I dont think I have crossed the threshhold into complete neediness because I limited myself to one unreturned phonecall each day. I feel I have enough rapport to call her out but since the last misstep I dont quite trust my judgement. Other info: weve had sex around 20 times and up until Monday she seemed completely enamored with me. These two facts make me lean against the idea that shes banging someone else but I dont discount that possibility entirely. Then again I really dont have an explanation for the drastic change in behavior.

  5. #5
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Shes going cold. What to do?

    It may not be that she's banging someone else but just take onboard that an ex may have been in contact or that there is some other issue going on. Freeze her out for a bit, it sounds like you have done what you can so let it be and give her some time to bounce back. She is not going to vanish into dust.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Shes going cold. What to do?

    I am a firm believer that most women need at least ONE romantic interest in their life. So if her behavior changed that much and after a few days you don't hear from her then it probably is another man. It's actually a lot more common than we think. I know a story of a woman doing that to a guy she was really hitting it off with because she accidently got pregnant when she had a quick bang with a friend and didn't know how to tell the guy she actually liked so she just dissappeared on him and he didn't find out til months later. The only thing we can do is continue our alpha male behavior and see what happens. Remember all these techniques will never allow you to control women to do what you want, it will only influence them. And yes if you quickly realized your aggressive behavior wasn't the fix she needed then definitely back off, distract yourself with another woman, then contact her in a few days.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Shes going cold. What to do?

    And yes white dragon is right. These types of situations usually means an ex came back into her life and she is now confused or possibly wants to get back together with him and she doesn't know how to tell you. Take this as a good sign because it would be alot worse if you two got into a relationship and THEN the ex came back into her life. If she ever talked about her ex in an angry emotional way while telling you about him, then it means she still has some baggage and that's a red flag.

  8. #8
    miked is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Shes going cold. What to do?

    thanks for the advice guys, a short two day freeze brought the phone call. I (perhaps foolishly) took this as a signal that all was well again attempted to hang out after another day or so. I texted her today for a rendezvous and got straight up ignored. Now Ive decided to move on to more deserving females. However I want to take some lessons away from this (its all a learning experience after all) and want her point of view or side of the story or whatever. How can I confront her about this to upgrade my relationship IQ all while not appearing needy and keeping things open ended for possible future hookups? For some reason asking "why dont you like me anymore?" in my whiniest voice doesnt seem like the best approach.

  9. #9
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Shes going cold. What to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by miked View Post
    thanks for the advice guys, a short two day freeze brought the phone call. I (perhaps foolishly) took this as a signal that all was well again attempted to hang out after another day or so. I texted her today for a rendezvous and got straight up ignored. Now Ive decided to move on to more deserving females. However I want to take some lessons away from this (its all a learning experience after all) and want her point of view or side of the story or whatever. How can I confront her about this to upgrade my relationship IQ all while not appearing needy and keeping things open ended for possible future hookups? For some reason asking "why dont you like me anymore?" in my whiniest voice doesnt seem like the best approach.
    Tell her about a new girl you are seeing. Tell her you are having lots of great sex and your tongue has gone numb from awesome foreplay. You will learn a whole bunch of things watching her reaction to that and she will be your practice target for saying such bold things. You could straight up ask her what went wrong but I would think more strategically and she might just flake you off again or say some nice 'its not you its me, you'll find someone one day' rubbish. You can probably get better advice on this forum. See sometimes when a women is doing her sh!t tests she wants to see how much of a risk taker you are, how much of a leader you are, how persistent you are, how adaptable and creatively you handle a situation. Asking why she doesn't like you might get you some valuable information (there is even a documentary, I forget the name of, where a guy goes around and asks all his ex's why it never lasted) but practicing some bold kamakazi moves might refine some gold from her ore, will gain you experience in doing that sort of thing and she will never see you as the confused guy asking for advice from that point on that's for sure.


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