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  1. #1
    ZenKevin is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Unhappy Where's this conversation going? (if anywhere)

    Ok, here's the situation. I found this girl on a dating site that has a fairly good matching system that I trust to be accurate. She's attractive and seems to convey a pretty good personality in her profile. We started talking a month ago and I don't really feel like it's going anywhere, but yet she continues to reply. Slowly but surely, this conversation has dragged out.

    My online game kinda sucks but I'm pretty good with women in person, using the MM model. I'm actually "gaming" a few girls in person and having a blast. But I can't help but think about this one that's online and lives near me.

    Here's the conversation thus far, I made my messages bold and hers italicized. Any advice?






    Apr 24, 2012 10:17pm
    Dude, we would totally mesh! After reading your profile, you seem like just my type. But I'm so picky, so that cannot be! We all have flaws, and I'd like to get to know you better and learn what yours are. Haha

    Forgive me but that's my "10pm and I have to be up at 5am" email attempt at being clever. Lol =P


    But seriously, I'd be honored to get to know you better and see how we click.


    Apr 28, 2012 4:33am
    Lol clever enough. We'll see!



    May 3, 2012 9:37pm
    Wow, I really meant to respond sooner, I just stay so busy at work. ><

    Anyway, out of curiosity and to jump right into things, tell me what you think about life. O_o *gasp* I know right, random question. :P


    AAaaaand, being that you're into psychology, why do you think I'd start off with a question like that? What could I possibly gain? Why would I want to know? (obviously these last few are rhetorical questions, but you already knew that) ;P


    Anyway, answer that question and I may get to know you further. ^_^



    May 9, 2012 12:44am
    I think life is simpler than we make it a lot of the time. I think that people spend a lot of it trying to figure it out. I think the point is to be happy with ourselves, explore as much as we can, learn as much as we can, and connect with as many people as we'd like. Life is beautiful, difficult, vast. I could probably go on, but that's enough of an answer for that one for now haha. I pretty much just said what came to my mind first.



    May 9, 2012 10:42pm
    Hmm, not your typical answer, but that's not necessarily bad.

    However, I believe we actually choose the lives we're in; to experience certain events, even those that are unpleasant. The important people in our current lives were also likely an important part of our other lives. Our interactions with interesting people (like the one were experiencing now, hehe) are happening because we chose for it to happen previously; kind of a mix between fate and free will. But yet we are constantly shaping our own reality... if that makes sense.


    I do believe in reincarnation, energy, chakras, etc. These are topics I'm pretty passionate about and could discuss in great depth. But that's better left for phone convos, or if we jive... in person. Maybe. =)


    What would you like to know about me?


    PS: My real name is Kevin Smith. Props if you've heard of or watched his movies, and you're AWESOME if you like them as much as I do, haha. ^_^



    May 15, 2012 4:22pm
    Haha yeah, I like his movies, and I know another Kevin Smith, too.
    Yes, choosing is important and a lot of people forget that.
    I'm on a quick get-messages-answered mission right now, so I can go into better detail and give a more adequate response another time. I always hate the question and answer game anyway.



    May 18, 2012 5:54am
    Ugh, agreed. I'm still new to the whole online dating thing, not sure I really like it. We should get a couple friends together and hang out. I work 60+ hours a week though, so sat/sun are better for me.



    May 21, 2012 10:01pm
    I give it a lot of time before I meet anyone from online. Having said that, maybe some time in the future lol.



    May 22, 2012 9:40pm
    Aww, you're shy, that's kinda cute. :P

    I understand though, the couple girls I met online ended up being nuckin futs and only wanting sex. But, so far you seem a bit more sane than they were, albeit a little more reserved as well. I take it you've had similar experiences. lol


    On a side note, something my sister noticed on your profile that kinda worries me...


    It says you're a virgin. I mean no offense, I just hope there's not a weird reason for that. O_o



    May 29, 2012 3:03pm
    Yeah, I'm a virgin, but there's no cause for concern. It's nowhere near a fatal condition and is really the result of my choices and the sub-par quality of wooing these days. I'll be okay.

  2. #2
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Where's this conversation going? (if anywhere)

    Well what she said about 'life being simpler than it really is' is perhaps something to take onboard. Simplify everything you say and make it efficient and to the point. It will make it much easier for her to respond than your questionnaires.

    Writing for a month and no dates? No phone calls? Ask her out! Talk in person. She lives near you. There is not yet any genuine reason she should not meet you. She said she likes to take time before meeting - for all you know she could just be sitting back receiving mail to make her feel good about herself, but too lazy or inexperienced to take it anywhere further (her self confessed wooing problem). What a cock tease. I personally dislike time wasters whether online or in real life. With genuine people your supposed to be with things usually happen fast. She's on a dating site, not a pen pal site. Same for you. Consider who you are investing valuable time with.

    No disrespect but I would also recommend not asking for forgiveness, making assumptions about her (it's condescending), being 'honored to get to know her', asking rhetorical questions, discussing not being interested in other online girls who just want sex (cmon man, women are not that stupid!) or making excuses for what you are doing. She is not royal family and not a nun. She also writes with a more mature literary style whereas you are using 'dude!' and 'nucking futs' so I would make it a little less jouvenile and be more confident and direct. You need to be making short statements or questions she cannot resist to respond to. Take her first long paragraph as an example - it is full of all her dreamy stuff off the top of her head but instead of working on from what she said you dimissed it as not being typical (IMO it is a fairly typical emotional chick response) you go against her a little bit (rather than weaving your ideals together into a romantic union) and start talking about science, logic and chakras. 'life is beautiful, difficult, vast' I would have used her line back into the conversation - you could take that line anywhere. It's a good line too and I would have told her so.

  3. #3
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    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Where's this conversation going? (if anywhere)

    There is alot of apology and nervousness in this conversation. Seems like there are many different ideas and questions in your responses which can be overwhelming. And the few times that you try to qualify seemed to be crushed by all the desperation in your tone. I apologize for being so blunt. However this stuff doesn't come easy or fast. I to am getting better with my online game but definitely not an expert. But I have been where you are and it's nerve wrecking. Just take your time with it. Sometimes, depending on the conversation I will respond with just " :P " face after her response and low and behold she will ask me a question. .
    Last edited by KristiBell; 05-30-2012 at 06:38 AM.

  4. #4
    ZenKevin is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Where's this conversation going? (if anywhere)

    You guys have made some good points. It's not so much desperation, but I am somewhat nervous and don't want to "f*ck it up" with her. She's a solid 8, but seemed like a really good potential partner.

    And yes, I'm aware that ironically valuing the interaction with her so greatly can actually lead to the opposite reaction that I'm going for. So I'm trying to distance myself from the result; which is also getting easier because I'm genuinely losing interest due to her lack of contribution. lol

    That being said, I am still curious about her. And the fact that she's still conversing back, albeit slowly, says one of three things to me:

    1) She's interested but has something going on in her personal life right now that's preventing us going further. But she's trying to string along the conversation to buy time.

    2) She's not interested but would feel guilty or bad by simply coming out and saying it or not responding.

    3) She's interested but is inexperienced in the dating scene and possibly social interaction in general, hence why she's still a virgin (at 25). Which is weird because she's attractive and fit, not fat. And has a very pretty face, not one of those buttafaces with a good body.

  5. #5
    Infrared is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Where's this conversation going? (if anywhere)

    Ya man to me it sounds like your kinda trying to impress her with a deep convo, and skewing the 'seriousness' of it with some humor and sarcasm. It's cool if your into philosophy or whatever, but it isn't needed here.. you're on a dating site keep it simple for now. She's replying with open-minded, yet short and direct answers because it's kind of incongruent-
    'What do you think about life?' That's a good question for pillow talk, when she's in your bed on a weekend morning, and you're really vibin... imo.
    It just sounds like you're trying to keep her attention, when you already have it.
    For now be clear, concise, and light-hearted, I'd imagine. Find what commonalities you have, what you don't, and ya it's cool to tease her once and awhile- but don't ask her personal questions, especially about being a virgin. Who knows she might've just put that on there to weed out a few types of guys.
    Tell her about your day, what was fun, and see if she's ever done whatever it is you did that day, or if she wants to- lead her to wonder about your life, and what it's like to hang out with you. Instead of asking her out randomly, say something like 'what are you doing this weekend?' Out of straight curiousity, and see what she says, then tell her what you're doing and maybe you can plan a date. A girl that I dated briefly in college said she really liked it when I asked her that same question, she said it's not all cheesy like most guys (AFC's): 'would you go to dinner with me Friday night?" It just puts it in the air a bit.
    Just see what you have in common, use some qualifiers, and peak her interest. I'm new to online dating myself, but I still am thinking with the same general points of pickup:
    Find, meet, attract, close.
    Be general and fun in the beginning, maybe ask why she tried online dating etc., and if it's still going on phone her, talk a bit, and work something out.
    Hope that helps brotha, cheers

  6. #6
    ridah28 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Where's this conversation going? (if anywhere)

    I would recommend what Infrared said about asking her what she is doing that weekend. She will immediately know exactly why you are asking that. I usually save that phase for a text though. When online, my main goal is to get the phone #. Then I do the rest through text, such as arranging a meetup. I've found that when doing this, it's a good way to gauge if a girl will flake. I've seen a pattern to where girls will be very quick to answer texts when it's just small talk, and you've been texting for a while, but when you ask them "any big plans over the weekend?" or "we should meetup for coffee sometime this week, would you be down?", 1-2 hrs goes by before you get a response, or you get a "maybe" or "possibly" (not a yes or no) there is a good chance this girl is not worth your time and will flake, or she is just not really interested. A lot of girls seem to just like to have text buddies. I usually end it right there by not texting them back.


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