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  1. #1
    Ronin is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default The fine line between persistent and needy

    I have been messaging a girl who, in her profile, says "If i donít reply, Iím sorry I get a lot of messages, just be persistent: P" (She's a solid HB9). I like that kind of candor, lol

    So when does persistence becoming neediness? She has already expressed interest and normally she's been pretty good with responding to me but now it's been two days (and her replies have been getting shorter and shorter). I went two days without a response so I sent a short message tonight to bump myself up in her list of messages.

    It's hard to tell what's going on because she's online all the time. She's very active but not as responsive as before. I'm not sure how much I should be messaging her before I start sending the wrong vibes

  2. #2
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: The fine line between persistent and needy

    She's messaging other guys and you have to outcompete them. Ask her out - it runs the risk of also being needy but also if you don't do it soon someone else will if they haven't already. Also two days Its difficult to chat to a stranger, there's hardly any grappling points so you have to work fast or you'll slide off the mountain.

  3. #3
    Ronin is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: The fine line between persistent and needy

    That is something that's crossed my mind already. Online dating is a fierce competition and I feel outmatched at every turn. I was trying to think of what I need to get an edge.

    From what I could figure out about her based on her profile, I went after her with a sincere angle. But now I think I might be risking looking soft and uninteresting. Creating sexual Tension out of nowhere in messages is really tricky.

  4. #4
    Ronin is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: The fine line between persistent and needy

    So, I have come to the conclusion that answering every message right away is a bad idea. I thought it would be polite and good manners to reply to every message as soon as I get one. Apparently this is the very wrong thing to do.

    So what I am going to do instead (and I recommend you do as well, if you aren't doing it already) is be inconsistent and sporadic. Sit on a message for a few hours or a day. Or two. Then respond promptly, then sit on your messages again. When she can't tell when or if you'll respond is a good way to increase Tension.

    Goddammit I have so much to learn. One little bit at a time.

  5. #5
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: The fine line between persistent and needy

    It's interesting to watch it in reverse too...if a girl writes to me too needy or forward I almost instantly loose attraction. Well unless she is unbelievably hot but that just doesn't happen much. I can smell her nerves in every word when I don't write back responsively.

    The other thing about online dating is timing. A lot of that comes down to luck so just have to keep casting out the net. I met one LTR from the net, it was just good timing. I never said anything different or amazing to her. It just happened. What I liked about online dating is being able to chat with new women all the time, receive a few nice messages here and there and that would bolster my confidence in going to chat to people in real life off the street. I would sometimes play along a girl beneath my standards because she would write me nice messages and make me feel good about myself. Maybe it sounds cruel but I dont give a fark, I learnt how to play the game mostly from women themselves and they dont give a fark.

    Girls get it easy not having to write anything interesting at all (I want an honest man blah blah blah, Im into sports blah blah dont write to me if your this, dont bother this blah blah blah). Womens dating profiles are the absolute garbage can of human literary creativity. They rely on photos whereas we have to jump through complex linguistic and selection criteria hoops. Well if Im going to jump through hoops I want the women to set fire to it and pay an admission charge and if I get a chance Im going to make them walk the tightrope.

  6. #6
    Ronin is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: The fine line between persistent and needy

    No response from the HB9 yet. She's online right now, actually. I'm afraid I might have blown it. I'm not going to send any more messages for a while, maybe a week, and I will try to reinitiate. I need to boost her interest again and try not to look boring this time.

    In the meantime, I will practice with other HB's. I am trying to make a habit of only checking my messages every second day. I don't think I'm needy but I am pretty sure I come off that way.

  7. #7
    Siedways is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: The fine line between persistent and needy

    The less fucks you give, the mor you get.

    Be non-needy, for example my opener is Hey, I'm stupid as fuck.

    And my reply after she responds, normally asking why, or thats nice.
    Is
    Why's that? :
    Idk, but if i had the hazard to guess I'd say genetics.
    She says, ok, or thats nice:
    Who are you. Or mock her online name.

    For instance, if she is 'kittycutegirl' : well , mrs. kitty, are you awesome?

  8. #8
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: The fine line between persistent and needy

    Quote Originally Posted by Ronin View Post
    maybe a week, and I will try to reinitiate. I need to boost her interest again and try not to look boring this time.

    In the meantime, I will practice with other HB's. I am trying to make a habit of only checking my messages every second day. I don't think I'm needy but I am pretty sure I come off that way.
    Waiting a week won't do anything - your not baking a cake. You either need to write something emotionally charged she cannot refuse to write back to, ask her out or move on to fresh ground. You have to strike fairly hard on dating websites. Those that wait, fail. You have to be confident enough to ask them out only after a handful of messages. Whether that happens in a matter of hours or over a week will be dependent on how frequently the girl writes back. Women are on a dating site to get dates, so ask them for a date. Too many guys are waiting for some magical confirmation from the girl before asking them out. You don't have to - they have put up a public profile therefore already confirming thats what they want. Your profile and hers generally will have enough information to help each person decide if its worth pursuing. Guys also often want to act in control straight away but the reality is the women are in control from the start on dating sites because of the ratio of girls to men, their inboxes are full of suiters and the fact we mostly have to initiate everything. I don't mind being a little sincere and neutral at the start and allowing them the penalty goal because I am aiming to ultimately win the match and will take control of the ball later. Every message you write (especially if its cheeky, cocky, neg hits etc) or every day you wait adds more risk to the table, whereas if you write a couple of short snappy messages and then ask them out fairly quickly you will overall get a higher amount of actual dates and will be spending less time worrying about someone you have never met before.

    One of the most common things I see on womens profiles is 'I am seeking an honest man, no games, no time wasters....casual dinner, good conversation would be a nice first date'. So be honest and ask them out for casual dinner/drinks and don't play too many games up front - save them for later when you're on the date. That's where you get into conversation and escalation. They want to be swept off their feet so sweep them off their feet. I never spend more than about 4 messages before asking out a girl. 1st one is a sincere hello to introduce myself and say glad to meet her. Second and 3rd message will swing towards being humouress, adventurous, creative, role playing or subtly adding value to myself. 4th message I ask them out or at the least switch over to phone numbers/texting where I then ask them out. If the banter and interest is good after asking them out I continue texting/messaging anyway to build further attraction so I have a better chance of getting more intimate on the actual date, if they say yes to a date but aren't very responsive in messaging, I don't message much either and wait to see who they are in real life. If they say no, I am already writing to someone new.

  9. #9
    LordShinra is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: The fine line between persistent and needy

    One thing I've run into while online dating (POF) is that even though I have a decent success rate getting them from POF to RL, after the first or second date, they play these pointless "I'm busy for 3 weeks" games, and then thats usually the end of it.

    I've changed my approach to the dates, and while with some I manage to get spinning, with others its the same BS.

    The point is, I guess dont look too needy but dont waste time. Get an answer one way or another somehow.
    Sarging hard since 2007.
    Anyone in the North NJ/ NYC area want to sarge with a indiscriminate wingman, Inbox me.

  10. #10
    Ronin is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: The fine line between persistent and needy

    Hah the HB9 I WAS talking to has deleted her profile. Haha well, sometimes these things sort themselves out.


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