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  1. #1
    rollsroyce is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Advice needed - Girl tells me she just got out of a relationship

    I met this girl in a club a month and a half ago. I was basing my approach from the book, The Game. We had common interests, where she was in Japan last year for exchange program and I was in Japan at one time. We talk about the fun stuff we did there and maybe we thought of experiencing those fun times here in US. We texted once in a few days by joking around(between 3 to 7 days). We went out for lunch shopping together one day. We kissed that day and we took off. She seems to be happy being with me(in fact she seems to have ADD and/or extremely hyper when she is with me). Then a few days later we went for dinner and movie together at once. I followed the routine in The Game by having the conversation going. I ended that day by saying we should hang out downtown again together and search for some cool stores. However, she started to avoid my text messages (two of them)afterwards. A few days later I see her at the club and decided to ignore her. She was not with her co-workers(guys and girls with their relationships, and I know them all). I sent her a message the next day stating 'I didn't bother saying hi that day because I didn't want to annoy you. But can you tell me why you are avoiding my text?' And then later that day she sends me a message 'Sorry Roy, for not replying. That was really rude and I'm sorry. To be honest I really don't know hate hat I'm doing. Your date was one of my first dates that I have ever been on. Plus I just got out of my last relationship pretty badly and I'm really confused about everything. I'm sorry again Roy.'
    Now if I am in this situation, what are good text messages to have her my attraction again? I was thinking of sending her, 'thanks for the update. I'll make sure to tell to my friend(she spoke with one of my friends on the phone the other day and he tells her I say good things about her).' Is that a good idea? If there are other ideas for texting please help.
    Details about this girl: she is not needy. She drinks a lot. She parties every weekend. She says sorry for anything little to only me for some reason. One of her old friend/co-worker tells me if I ever hurt her or play with her, he will kick my ass because she is a good girl. Another one of her friends/co-worker thinks I am her boyfriend (he told me). She lives with her brother in a house with no parents because they moved somewhere else recently. To be honest I do like this girl and I am hoping to fix this situation we are in.

  2. #2
    BatMan's Avatar
    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Advice needed - Girl tells me she just got out of a relationship

    I understand what you are going through. I'm sure many of us do. I want to point out that no matter how good a man is at pickup, he will never be able to completely control a woman, only influence. So any advice we give you is suppose to increase your chances, but not guarantee anything.

    Dealing with a women who was recently in a devastating breakup can be difficult. You start to learn that rebounds really do exist and that you can actually become one, even if they tell you that you are not and that they are fine and ready to love someone else. This is EXTREMELY rare because often the ex comes back into her life and then she becomes "confused."

    This is a delicate situation that you do not want to add pressure to. I will give you a few simple tools to practice.

    Every time she gives you an ioi then you repond in kind. If you decide to calibrate your IOIs with IODs that is up to you and depends on the circumstances. Same thing if she gives you IODs, like at the club where she ignored you. You have to respond in kind.

    Try to keep in mind that essentially mixed signals deserve mixed signals. If she is back and forth with her interest in you, then the last thing you want is for her to know for sure that your interest in her is solid. Give her mixed signals back and she will be confused about your intentions and try to figure you out. You WANT her to invest her energy and attention in trying to figure YOU out, not someone or something else. This will develop the Tension and attraction. Attraction is simply a pull on someone. Doesn't necessarily have to do with clever lines or looks. It's about when she gives a long explanation about how confused she is and not sure what to do blah blah blah and after she finishes your only reponse is ..........."Ok." This is something that will create the vacuum or pull, which will in turn cause her to be reaching for MORE of you, therefore she is "attracted" to you. She will be wanting more from you and you only trickle out alittle at a time. Like drops of water to a dehydrated person in the desert. This example has nothing to do with your looks. This is about emotional communication.

    Now in order to pull this off the best way, you have to do it for real. It's difficult to PRETEND to not care whether you are with her or not. Your behavior towards her may FAIL you and will reveal to her your true intentions and she will know she still has you on backburner. My suggestion is to meet other women. It is a great distraction and helps to take a woman off of the pedestal you put her on. You don't necessarily have to sleep with them if you don't want to, but make at least one other connection other then her and you will notice your behavior towards her will change drastically. Hope this helps. And good luck.

  3. #3
    Infrared is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Advice needed - Girl tells me she just got out of a relationship

    It sounds like u hit it off initially, but u need to keep a little bit of that 'unpredictable' stuff going. If u have a fun date that's great, but don't already be planning what you'll do next time, make her wonder, no offense but I think u made a slip sounding AFC saying next time let's do this, then do that.. not yet it puts u in the shoes of another boyfriend and I highly doubt she wants that yet.
    Good to plan dates, but keep her interest in u stirring a bit.

    I agree with Batman there, go meet other girls to take your mind off her a bit. A PUA has options.. so remember that and go mingle a bit, do your thing, whatever.. but don't get all absorbed with her. Also, the whole 'ignoring' thing u or she did at the club.. let it washover, it sounds like silly drama that shouldn't happen but shouldn't effect u either bro.

    Keep it casual, and giving it a little space is what I think u need to do.
    Cheers


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