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  1. #1
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Online Openers - Canned or Personalized?

    Hey guys,

    Well it's the summer, I don't have a job right now, no classes or stuff, and everyone is out of town, so I'm bored as sh!t and don't have a lot of gaming opportunities. So, online dating!

    The thing I'm having the most trouble with is how to open a conversation. In some places I read to do stuff like "How is your day going", or roleplay stuff like "We are having a road trip, where are we going?", "You make a dinner, you can invite 5 people, who are they", etc. The girl will have fun, it builds rapport, and stuff

    But then, i also read to make something personalized, like talking about something on her profile. It sounds better, as they tend to detect canned stuff, and they don't like that. But personalized are more difficult, I can more or less see how to make a cocky/sassy comment on stuff in their profiles, but I feel like it would be better to make an open-ended question. Except, how do you make an open-ended question out of "I love going out but also chilling at home" or "I love action/spy movies" or all the other random stuff they put?

    My specialty is using nonverbal stuff and my accent, so I don't really get online stuff

    Also, my targets are mainly "kind of chilling asian girls", if that affects the way I should contact them

  2. #2
    BatMan's Avatar
    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Online Openers - Canned or Personalized?

    Well if you are talking about specifically online dating sites and not facebook or anything there are certain challenges. First off I want to say that you may as well be a bit direct with your interest. It is, after all a DATING site, so coming under the radar is practically impossible. It's no better than attending a swingers party and asking someone how the weather is.

    Your main focus should be your profile. Make it very approachable with nice casual pictures with you and your friends doing all kinds of activities. A solid profile can make ALL the difference if she even responds to you. If it is solid enough you can essentially say to her, "Hi" and she would respond because she saw your profile. But we are artists and like to play a solid game. Saying "Hi" would just be too risky.

    Your next focus is your first message to her. This is online dating so there are ALOT of creeps. You wouldn't believe what guys actually say to these women every single day. You want to focus more on building comfort and humor. Mind you the longer the message, the more "copy/paste" it feels. Saying 3 paragraphs about how you are looking for someone interesting and you think she might be it will just wreak of copy/paste so preferably your first message should be something personal about her with some humor in there while keeping it to just a few sentences.

    The last ingrediant is something I think is overlooked quite a bit in a first message. And thats some kind of "call to action." If you say something really clever and funny where the only appropriate response is an "Lol" then that is what you will get. Keep in mind she is looking for reasons to NOT respond to you so creating intrigue will almost MAKE her do that. A classic I used to use quite often was "Omg are you serious?" I am actually trying out a new opener and so far it is working quite well and should share it with the community soon.

    After all that and she responds to your message and you begin talking, she may be standoffish. If she is talkative and asks you questions then let her. Don't try to "outwit" her in conversation just so you feel you are gaining man points. Let her steer the convo for a bit before you take it back. When you finally do start asking questions about her make sure they are open ended questions and be aware if your questioning starts to become and interview, which you do not want. Again if she can answer your questions with a yes or no, she will. Then it will start to feel like an interview. Hope this helps and good luck.

  3. #3
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Online Openers - Canned or Personalized?

    Thanks for the advice!

    It is, after all a DATING site, so coming under the radar is practically impossible. It's no better than attending a swingers party and asking someone how the weather is.
    Haha, I should consider using that as an opener

    About the last part, I've noticed that some girls reply to a first message by asking tons of questions (like 4 or 5 in a paragraph, ridiculous).

    Last time, I answered one or two of them, then made a transition to an open ended question on my own. And no replies. So I should have just answered her questions for a message or two, and then taken control back?

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Online Openers - Canned or Personalized?

    Lol that's actually not a bad opener now that you have pointed that out.

    Not sure what happened in the convo, but when answering questions make sure to leave an open thread. If you decide to start leading the convo that make sure they are open ended questions. And like I said, one of the main things is building comfort. And the easiest way to build comfort and Disarm is with humor. Do alittle bit of teasing or you can do passionate humor. Where you are just passionate about everything but its obvious your being silly. Also there is one where you tease stereotypes in a fun way. There are plenty of types of humor you can cater to your style and sprinkle these in your convos. Associated good feelings with you and she will get comfortable. Eventually it will reach a point where she will actually offer her number to you.

  5. #5
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Online Openers - Canned or Personalized?

    One more question: I have a very unusual (and kind of cool) first name, which I indicate in my profile (teases their curiosity)

    I hesitated on the last message I sent to actually sign it; it's pretty bold, and shows off the cool name, but also ruins the surprise immediately

  6. #6
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Online Openers - Canned or Personalized?

    I guess play with it. You're right it may Take Away the impact by putting it first. But it's also a good convo starter allowing them to ask you about your culture. Just keep playing with it and see which one gives you better results.

  7. #7
    Odlaw is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Online Openers - Canned or Personalized?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mikalichov View Post
    Hey guys,

    Well it's the summer, I don't have a job right now, no classes or stuff, and everyone is out of town, so I'm bored as sh!t and don't have a lot of gaming opportunities. So, online dating!

    The thing I'm having the most trouble with is how to open a conversation. In some places I read to do stuff like "How is your day going", or roleplay stuff like "We are having a road trip, where are we going?", "You make a dinner, you can invite 5 people, who are they", etc. The girl will have fun, it builds rapport, and stuff

    But then, i also read to make something personalized, like talking about something on her profile. It sounds better, as they tend to detect canned stuff, and they don't like that. But personalized are more difficult, I can more or less see how to make a cocky/sassy comment on stuff in their profiles, but I feel like it would be better to make an open-ended question. Except, how do you make an open-ended question out of "I love going out but also chilling at home" or "I love action/spy movies" or all the other random stuff they put?

    My specialty is using nonverbal stuff and my accent, so I don't really get online stuff

    Also, my targets are mainly "kind of chilling asian girls", if that affects the way I should contact them
    Never ask a girl how her day is going while gaming online. They almost never reply. Now that thats out of the way i find that personalized are obviously better but canned can work as well. I mainly use canned simply because i dont feel the need to put forth much effort until i find out whether or not she is worth that effort. Ive only been called out on it a few times and that was just carelessness on my part. Lol.
    I had one girl tell me that i sent the same exact message to her friend and another tell me that i sent he the same message twice like a week apart. Lol. Your preference really.

  8. #8
    constrand is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Online Openers - Canned or Personalized?

    im just looking for a well rounded canned opener anyone have a greate one
    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    Well if you are talking about specifically online dating sites and not facebook or anything there are certain challenges. First off I want to say that you may as well be a bit direct with your interest. It is, after all a DATING site, so coming under the radar is practically impossible. It's no better than attending a swingers party and asking someone how the weather is.

    Your main focus should be your profile. Make it very approachable with nice casual pictures with you and your friends doing all kinds of activities. A solid profile can make ALL the difference if she even responds to you. If it is solid enough you can essentially say to her, "Hi" and she would respond because she saw your profile. But we are artists and like to play a solid game. Saying "Hi" would just be too risky.

    Your next focus is your first message to her. This is online dating so there are ALOT of creeps. You wouldn't believe what guys actually say to these women every single day. You want to focus more on building comfort and humor. Mind you the longer the message, the more "copy/paste" it feels. Saying 3 paragraphs about how you are looking for someone interesting and you think she might be it will just wreak of copy/paste so preferably your first message should be something personal about her with some humor in there while keeping it to just a few sentences.

    The last ingrediant is something I think is overlooked quite a bit in a first message. And thats some kind of "call to action." If you say something really clever and funny where the only appropriate response is an "Lol" then that is what you will get. Keep in mind she is looking for reasons to NOT respond to you so creating intrigue will almost MAKE her do that. A classic I used to use quite often was "Omg are you serious?" I am actually trying out a new opener and so far it is working quite well and should share it with the community soon.

    After all that and she responds to your message and you begin talking, she may be standoffish. If she is talkative and asks you questions then let her. Don't try to "outwit" her in conversation just so you feel you are gaining man points. Let her steer the convo for a bit before you take it back. When you finally do start asking questions about her make sure they are open ended questions and be aware if your questioning starts to become and interview, which you do not want. Again if she can answer your questions with a yes or no, she will. Then it will start to feel like an interview. Hope this helps and good luck.


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