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  1. #1
    dgmortal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Why I failed the number close?

    It was my first conversation with a HB8 who accepted my friend request in fb yesterday, she had a special name and I could tell by her name where she is from, so I started the conversation by a cold read, I built rapport immediately and had a great conversation about our her home city and our trips and the people there, then we talked about ourselves etc (she was a smart girl and was studying in the top university of my country).
    Finally I had to go and asked for her number, She said I'm sorry I can't give you my number, then her frame changed and talked to me like I'm a stranger, I told her I know there are many guys who hit on you daily and you think I'm one of them and I understand, then I said goodbye and left.

    It is pretty common situation and I'm sure it has happened to most of us. what I did wrong? whats the best thing to say when a girl refuses to give her number this way? should I try to get her number again later?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Why I failed the number close?

    rapport is a bit different than comfort which is what I believe you reached with her. If you reached true rapport then you would have more than just a phone number. But that's besides the point.

    Let me ask you, did she ask any questions about you? And not general questions. I mean personal. Like "are you single" or "what kind of girls you like" or maybe a compliment "you have nice eyes/smile etc" ??

    This is the level of conversation you want to reach BEFORE going for the phone number. If it's still casual conversation then its risky going for the number. Reengage in a few days or a week with something that you noticed in your day that reminded you of her and that you had to share it with her. Then keep escalating the conversation until she starts asking questions about you.

  3. #3
    dgmortal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Why I failed the number close?

    Isn't comfort the level where you completely attracted the girl and she is ready to go physical?

    You are right, she didn't ask me those kind of questions, but I showed some value and thought that I have gained her interest.

    I will try to reengage later, but this time I'll try to escalate more and see what happens.

  4. #4
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Why I failed the number close?

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    Let me ask you, did she ask any questions about you? And not general questions. I mean personal. Like "are you single" .
    This is perhaps what the OP should have asked. She may have a boyfriend.

  5. #5
    PUAatmosphere's Avatar
    PUAatmosphere is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Why I failed the number close?

    facebook game poses some unique challenges because it's not a dating website per say. I've only used the site to keep in touch with people that I already know, so I can only comment on those dating websites in relation to online game.

    BatMan, Do the same rules apply for Facebook as other dating websites? Would you create a separate Facebook account to run game?

    With the dating websites that I've tried, I've just exchanged messages until (we exchanged email addresses, then emailed until) we made plans to meet up. As part of making the plans to meet up, I'd get the phone number (in case anything comes up or whatever the excuse is).

    It seems like it might take a couple of times chatting online before she feels comfortable meeting with you in person. I know that with online dating sites, I want to exchange a few messages to establish some common interest before we make plans to meet up. I don't see the big advantage of having her phone number unless women in your culture actually talk on the phone with guy they haven't met. The 20-30 demographic in the US seems pretty averse to phone conversations. Texting is basically the same as Facebook messaging, so I don't see it as big victory over just keeping with the Facebook chat sessions.

    I'll be interested to hear more about your adventures on Facebook.

  6. #6
    dgmortal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Why I failed the number close?

    They actually are , phone conversations is a big part of the game here, and it has always been a challenge for me to keep the phone conversations exciting with the girls I have or have not met.

    BTW I haven't caught this girl online to chat again or if I did, I was in my work and wasn't in the mood to flirt.

  7. #7
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why I failed the number close?

    Dating websites carry the stigma of a dating website. Its like going to a speed dating session or a swingers party. Everyone knows why you are there and its obvious. So in dating websites its a bit tricky to "come under the radar" whereas with Facebook you can play it off a little bit. I've noticed I've had more success being direct. Letting them know that I am interested, but not sold yet. You can use the same attitude on Facebook if you like, but casual works alot better there then on a strictly dating website such as POF.

  8. #8
    PUAatmosphere's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why I failed the number close?

    Wow! It sounds like I need to find myself a good Persian girl. I used to love chatting on the phone until I got tired of talking to voice mails. Do you guys have the three-day rule? Apparently in the States, you are not supposed to wait to call a girl for three days after getting her number. Non-sense IMHO, but I think this is part of why I'm not getting good responses to my phone game.

    I loved my POF account for the two-weeks that I used the website. Speaking of speed-dating, my friend has been following the three day rule about emailing the gals after he matches with them. I think this is try-hard and AFC, but he think that it's the right way for a PUA to do it.

    And just so that it doesn't look like I'm hijacking this thread, I would avoid giving out such a direct compliment as "I know there are many guys who hit on you daily" right after getting some resistance/rejection.

  9. #9
    dgmortal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Why I failed the number close?

    I don't follow the three day rule, that is BS, when a girl gives you her number she opens a window of opportunity for you and you have to take advantage of it and make the connection happen, girl love to think everything has happened magically etc. if you follow the 3 day rule a lot attraction that you built with your approach is gone and maybe she has forgot you.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Why I failed the number close?

    I don't pay attention to how many "days" go by. The "3 day" rule is antiquated & just nonsense nowadays.
    I go by the "Momentum rule".

    Basically, if things are moving & progressing correctly, just go with it.

    As far as online dating sites go, Sure; everyone knows why you're there. But my approach has been to razz the girl in a friendly, playful way; almost as if I already put HER in the friend zone, and not hitting on her at all.
    (Especially the REALLY hot girls.)

    I don't really care how many messages have been sent back & forth either because, I'm in no rush. I have plenty of options already. (as far as she knows anyway).

    But, once the momentum builds & she starts to invest more time & effort into continuing the communication, I ramp it up & begin to escalate the energy.

    Then, I'll say something like, "By the way, you already passed my 'cool girl' test several messages ago. That means, I would be totally comfortable exchanging digits with you.... but you have to answer one question first..."

    This demonstrates that she qualified herself to me and I'm "in charge" so to speak, but there's still one more thing she needs to do. And after that message they ALWAYS ask, "What? What's the question??"

    My reply to her is: "What's your number? "

    This technique is especially good when you're chatting with "smart" girls. You know, the ones with brains & intelligence... They eat this stuff up!!!

    So, toss the 3-day rule out the window.
    Just go by how the momentum is rolling along & you'll be fine!


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.


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