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  1. #1
    ke5frf is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Texting one who is worth the time

    Hi fellas.

    First time on this forum, though I have been casually reading online PUA stuff for a few years. I've read that guy Roissy in DC for example. Just whatever pops up in Google searches.

    Ok introduction then my discussion topic. I'm 39, divorced twice. My second ex was a drunk, gorgeous blue eyed blonde 8 years younger, and I got primary custody of our son. I also have an older son from my first marriage and am responsible for my obligations.

    I'm good looking, and YOUNG looking. Really, i compete with 30 year olds. My only two physical attributes that have been somewhat esteem stifling are my height (5'8") and the fact that I at one time gained weight in my first marriage, lost it after the divorce, and my mid section will never look good nude without surgery. I work out for maintenance, but having a 3 year old and a home to maintain cuts my personal time.

    I really don't know how much I benefit from "game techniques". I have always had pretty good luck being me. In the past year and a half, I've dated a 32 year old, a 33 year old, had a few weeks of "fun" with a hot 28 year old, been on dates with a 27 and 25 year old, had a great date with a 31 year old recently (my topic subject), and have a 29 year old that I work with giving me a game of chase.

    The problem is, in the past the women I have caught long enough to date or marry have been fairly easy catches. They were needful women (they all are but these in particular). My second ex wanted someone to accept her drinking problem and hid it and used her womb to trap me and her current BF. (learned my lesson snip snip).

    But I have had difficulties with patience in going after the more challenging ones. I've always convinced myself the hard to get game was actually lack of interest. But currently I have two high quality hard to get women in my sights (the 31 year old I went out with and the 29 year old I work with).

    I have been going after the coworker for well over a month. We actually work in different areas, never see each other, and have different schedules. Both have kids which complicates making a date. I have had 2 dates cancelled due to work and kid issues.

    But I honestly am after the 31 year old more heavily. Met her online a few weeks ago, at first she seemed super interested, then I had silence for a week. Got a message after that time that she had wasted a week talking to a loser. My first comment was "see that's what ya get etc" and made a joke of it. Been Internet dating long enough to be secure and understand that some guys move in quicker and you just gotta be ok with it and not be a jerk if they come back to you as option B. option B is far ahead of the 500 other idiots spamming her inbox with corny pickup lines and wussy openers.

    Anyway, so after the contact was reinstated, I quickly moved to get her number and take her offline. I played a little game to get her to agree with a date, she dropped hints about no weekend plans.

    We saw a live band outdoors, had some close in dancing, all told I got 3 light kisses including the good night, and held hands lightly as we walked to my truck to leave. She asked for the text to let her know I made it home safe etc.

    The next day, I got a good morning text. I gave it a bit of time and told her good morning and that I had some calls to make and would text her in a while. On a side note, the last login time on the site was after that morning exchange, and I found she had hidden her profile. I believe the good morning text was a "test" to see if I was still in the game and gave the go ahead to hide her profile and quit dealing with the losers. At first I didn't realize this, I let myself wonder if she was playing me against other men.

    Ok so it's been like 5 days and the hard to get game is on. At first I think I might have been a little eager, I suggested later in the afternoon of the morning after the date that because it was rainy a phone call would be great. She kind of blew this off citing time constraints. Turned out her son did have a ball game. The next day I texted and said good morning. She was at work and said she was busy. Her field, very likely. I waited all day and close to when I figured her shift would end, I asked what time she'd be off. She said, and I promised a call to make plans for another date. I sent one more flirty text complimenting her kissing skills.

    I did call later, rang to voicemail, and left a short message. Got a text later that she was at a friends house. Didn't reply to that, just went to bed. I even turned off my phone.

    Next day I got a good morning text, and I was busy at work and let her know, she said she was off, a while later I replied that she was just rubbing that in to make me jealous. I commented later about her sons being home and made a joke about grocery shopping for boys. I got a LOL and a comment and let it go the rest of the day.
    After work I sent her a seductive toned text reliving how I had focused on her lovely neck on the date with some light kisses while dancing. I wanted to spark that tingle that I know she felt (she leaned into them and bowed her neck longingly)

    No reply to that text and I didn't text all night.

    Next morning, I waited til almost noon and jokingly said I better get my good morning in real quick before 12. She replied in 2 or 3 messages with a very excited to hear from me tone. I commented about how busy it's been, sons gymnastics and other things and she mentioned the baseball tournament and a game that night. I told her to let me know the outcome and didn't text her further. At close to bedtime I got a pic texted to me of the team with a trophy.

    I waited ten minutes and told her I knew she was proud, to tell me all about it tomorrow, I had to get my son to bed.

    Today I have not texted nor received a text. I plan on calling tonight, asking about the baseball tournament and working in plans to go canoeing.

    But I'm tempted to text today. I told myself I wouldn't text at all yesterday but went with instincts instead of a script, and got seemingly very excited replies. I think there is a line you walk between keeping them on their toes and seeming so disinterested that it frustrates them. I really don't relish or enjoy being manipulative and want that part of the initial game to end. I don't feel good about this ritual until I have that second date behind me. Then I can move in a little more aggressively.

    Texting is a game that I feel is still unchartered waters in the world of dating. And I also wonder how different the whole thing is with older men and women 30s, 40s with kids and busy lives. I do find myself having to step outside my natural box. I'd prefer to have another phone call behind me, and plans set up for that second date.

    So an analysis of my very long message would be appreciated! And I do know it was very long and detailed and will ruffle somebody for dragging on LOL

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Texting one who is worth the time

    Unfortunately it does seem that things are becoming routine with the meet up dates being flaky. I am sure that every single one was genuine, but the danger is getting comfortable with the flaking.

    The easiest explanation would be to emotionally compel her to see you. There are a few ways to do this, but the overall theme is "Tension." Creating that tension makes one want that tension resolved. To seek that validation from the tension you created. You may be familiar with the concept push/pull. Which is the foundation of this tension.

    Having standards and expectations is the starting point to creating tension because she will know these things about you and act in a way that will keep you with her (if she is interested). So setting a standard for say, non-flaky behavior, is a good standard. Diguise your standards behind humor and it won't come across as too arrogant.

    Now for creating push/pull it simply is understanding that in order to pull her in emotionally, you have to first push her away and vice versa. (Nothing too extreme of course). A very basic formula would be something like "I love you...but you're trouble." Convey this kind of attitude and this will create the tension and increase attraction. Hope this helps and good luck.

  3. #3
    ke5frf is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Texting one who is worth the time

    All excellent advice on push/pull, but I think by combining my intro/history with my topic and current situation I've created confusion.

    The 29 year old I work with is not the one I am worried about. I am 100% confident that her inability to find time in her schedule for a date thus far is in fact time constraints. Her work schedule is in conflict with mine 75% of the time, and the other 25% of the time her child parenting/sharing arrangements may or may not conflict. I've actually had a very hard time finding patience in communicating with her, because the very time I intend to work some magic with her, she's with her kids in a movie (and her FB timeline will show a posting of a pic taken with her kids at the theatre etc so it isn't even made up excuses). She's really "that busy"...but because she is interesting, attractive, financially independent, and a good mother, I am OK with this thing simmering until we find the time (a good chance this weekend because her kids aren't there and she isn't working unless her schedule gets changed last minute).

    Anyway, the topic was more about the woman I've recently gone on a date with, and the "hard to get" texting. It's only been less than a week since the date...and the
    Communication had been open, I can detect real interest, I've kept my distance a bit and toned my eagerness down (was never extreme to begin with)...what I am concerned with is walking that fine line between showing interest, pursuing her, yet keeping my distance and not being pushy or an attention "ho". For example, after several days of texting and an attempt to make a call, I've been sitting back and waiting for the family baseball schedule to slow down and give her a good opportunity for a real, unhurried conversation. I was thinking tonight is the right night. I haven't texted all day and neither has she. Last text was the photo she took from the game and my short reply. To me, it's time to take it away from texting because 1) we've had a good date and chemistry was there. 2) her interest is obvious but this has been a busy week for her 3) it's time to move to date 2.

    Do I care? Yes I do. Enough to post on a forum. But mostly because I have two real quality women in my sights, both are keeping the chase going, one I've made quicker headway with, one who I have a long process going with but has a lot of potential. I'm not into deciphering women only for the purpose of getting action. I ultimately would like to have a steady relationship come what may. With the girl I took out, my concern is to strike while the iron is hot, but not create ILL feelings because I'm not giving HER enough attention. I sense enthusiasm, but I also sense some caution, that she is being just as careful and wanting to do everything right to keep ME interested, and that's a GOOD thing. I think it shows she cares. I don't want to lose sight that she is a human too and not just an object or a puzzle to figure out.

  4. #4
    ke5frf is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Texting one who is worth the time

    Oh btw, as far as the one who has cancelled all the dates so far, I have done a little "push/pull". I've done some things like mention that I did go on a date but she wasn't nearly as interesting (we aren't at a stage where going on a date with someone should create any negative reaction). I have mentioned how much trouble it is to get to spend time together, but made a comment that I thought she was worth the wait. In all honesty, if nothing happens with the other woman, I'm more than cool with taking plenty of time to let things take their course with the
    Woman I work with.

  5. #5
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Texting one who is worth the time

    You seem to have a real steady Mindset and highly doubt that you will come across as needy. If you know how to create some doubt in her mind about where she stands with you, but also know how to make her feel really special, then you've got most of the work done already by mixing it up. So at this point I guess it's just overcoming logistics which I know can be a pain, but usually better than an emotional based flake.

  6. #6
    ke5frf is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Texting one who is worth the time

    OK,

    So today I did send her a text in the mid afternoon asking about the baseball tournament. I got no reply. I didn't ask, but I suspected she was working and just too busy. (again, this isn't the woman who has been canceling/flaking on me. This is the one I had a first date with on Saturday and have had communication with, even if it's been a little bit of "hard to get" playing on both parts).

    So a little while ago I decided to bite the bullet and suggest an activity that I knew would interest her. I know that she had to cancel some plans recently to do this activity with some friends due to rain, and she expressed some disappointment. So, I did it through text, framing the text in the context that because of her work and kid schedule I wasn't sure when would be good to contact her, but for her to look at her schedule and get back with me on doing this activity together.

    She replied "K".
    Not an excited "yes of course!!" or a "maybe". It had the tone of agreeing that she would look at her schedule and get back with me, but that perhaps she was busy at the moment (possibly at work today, high stress job)....or maybe she just WANTED me to think that.

    Either way, to me a reply of any sort that isn't negative, or not flat out ignoring me, is a very good thing. And if she is intentionally playing hard to get/unavailable, I believe that's the BEST signal a woman can give. It means that she is investing as much time into how she appears to me as I am to her. I can imagine her getting the text and her heart skipping a beat, then collecting herself, thinking about her next move deliberately, then deciding after much thought on the simple "K" response.

    I have to admit, I have never really enjoyed all the push and pull "games" and courtship rituals. I've always in the past gotten to this point, filled my head with doubts, and let frustration dictate my actions. Well, not always, but with the ones I REALLY liked I have. I'm actually starting to see the fun in it, and rather than imagining the woman as the one with all the power, it is easier to see them as truly clay in my hands, just as giddy and euphoric as me about meeting someone attractive, and investing just as much thought as me in the process. I have to admit I've not played as hard to get as her. I'm making it clear that I'm interested. I'm doing the chasing. But I'm not chasing in such a way that looks overbearing. We'll see how she ultimately replies to my invitation. I guess it might require a call soon, I'm just not sure when.


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