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  1. #1
    drain is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Am I losing my frame!? LTr for almost 4 months in.

    Yeah so I feel like I have started to get a little whipped in my LTR. so I try to turn this around now. I am currently in this LTR Long Distance and everything has worked great for 3 months.

    It's getting pretty serious and we are talking about moving together this autumn. She actually made the suggestion that she "would come for me".

    Lately I have been losening up and probably losing my frame just to please her, been caught off guard a few times. we have been hanging out a lot. it's not a long distance relationship like going by plane, it's 3 hour drive and we have spent every weekend and free time with eachother. since the end of march.

    we started arguing about small things on skype the other day and that was when I realized for real that this girl is losing respect for me. So again I read up on alpha-male characteristics and realized that I have loosened up a little.

    Only last weekend I have been:
    -Agreeing to go for a trip with her even because I didnt want to. I also admitted this to her because its a best friend of her. Falsely agreeable for my part? Yeah.
    -She gave me an incline about how I actually put my underwear in my own shelf. It's true she has been pushing me about cleaning and these things and I have been "happy to receive" help from her. I own a house and it's a lot of work. And I said it's a good thing to have somebody push me in this. So when I felt she was crossing a boundary about this underwear thing. I was letting her know. She gave up and said "it's ok you can put your underwear how you want". Good thing I "won" or not?

    I just felt it coming really. She suggested that we should spend one weekend without eachother! Yeah we met every weekend since 4 months so I let her know i'm cool with it. She said "We will see and talk tomorrow". This was Wednesday.

    Today Thursday I just wrote to her on facebook "I want to see my friends this weekends. I need it." of course she agreed on this and said no problems!

    Later in the evening I made a phone call for her. I was telling her I have been missing out my friends. (I thought this was good for damage controling) And I said I am happy I made this decision and she was like "You're welcome" just smiling in the other end. Then I said to her it's really my decision ya know and we we're just chit chatting about whose decision it was and she went "yeah okay doesn't matter".

    So I kept her in a good mood and spoke about things. made her laughing, saying I'm so happy I realized that I want to spend time with my friends and how I really miss it and she was "happy I had realized it" and that's when I made my final move:

    -You know what, let's not speak tomorrow by telephone.
    and she went completely 180*.
    -"Why?.... ok. Don't hurt me like this."
    I said:
    -"Seriously. It's no big deal. I want to show you that I am able to be free without problems." in a very positive manner. But then I lost my frame I think because I asked "Are you really hurt by this?" and she said "Okok nono I don't care" so I went "Ok we will see tomorrow" and it was all good night and sweet dreams and love you from both her and my side. I can feel she was so affected by this "final move".

    so lastly about My final move. Is that the way to regain my frame/alpha at all or am I doing this completely wrong? Is THIS WHOLE "I am so hurt" thing from her a sh!t test to see if I will keep this "frame" of not calling her tomorrow or to test if I will be a wuss and not stand for my word? what my thought was to put some kind of push really and I am unsure of this reaction.

    More info about her:
    She is seriously in love with me
    she still initiates contact with me, I keep the dynamic about 50/50. (She initiates, next convo I initiate, and so on)

  2. #2
    Cody's Avatar
    Cody is offline PUA All Star (RETIRED)
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    Default Re: Am I losing my frame!? LTr for almost 4 months in.

    Hey Drain,

    The most important thing I have to say is this: If you do decide to have her move in with you, make sure you can just as easily kick her out. Your dream can turn to a nightmare real fast if you're not careful. Girls get mean and nasty. Don't become her little b*tch. Maintain frame; maintain composure; maintain control.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:

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