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Thread: Let Her Down Easy

  1. #1
    Cody's Avatar
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    Default Let Her Down Easy

    If you’re seeing a lot of women there’s a good chance your reputation is going to take a blow. If you want to maintain a positive image, your exit game is going to have to be just as strong as—if not stronger than—your entrance game. Here are some tips for letting her down easy, making a smooth transition, and saving your street cred.

    #1. Do it at her place. Or at least a neutral location. When you drop the bomb the last thing you want to be worrying about is logistics. If you do it at your place she’s either a) not going to want to leave, or b) not going to enjoy you driving her home (and neither are you.) At her place she has all the necessities for a breakup recovery kit: Her bed, ice cream, a shovel, and Disney movies. If she doesn’t have them all she has to do is mop around until her girl friends show up to consol her.

    #2. Take into consideration the kind of girl. If she’s a trooper, do it on a Monday. This way she has the whole week to power through. If she’s going to need downtime do it on a Friday. Here she has the entire weekend to lie in bed feeling sorry for herself.

    #3. It’s absolutely, positively, NOT her fault. If you blame her in the least she’s going to want to compromise. She will change. She can make it work, but it’s not her, it’s you (even when it’s really her.)

    [Note: You’re not lying; you’re a PUA. This is who you are. This is what you do.]

    #4. Don’t Freeze Out. (Completely) Give her space, but don’t let her go. If you go full-blown no contact she’s going to have every reason to call you a jerk. Check up on her from time to time, whether it be the occasional text message or Facebook wall post. After all, you’re not a d*ck and you do still care about her; things just didn’t work out.


    Take this from a guy who has broken every single one of these tips. If you follow each of these she might hate you at first, but eventually she will realize you handled the situation like a true gentleman.

    Be a man and do it right. That’s what separates us from the douchebags.

    -Cody
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  2. #2
    DareMe is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Let Her Down Easy

    Great advice, Cody. Do you have a similar solution for early on disinterest before sex? I've recently been testing: "Hey, I had a great time hanging out with you tonight. But if I'm being honest with myself, I'm not looking for anything serious right now." With positive results.

    PS: I hope this GF breakup isn't topical for you. I remember reading that you recently became exclusive with a great girl. Good luck!

  3. #3
    Autismus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let Her Down Easy

    Great post Cody! Def gonna use these when I rip off the bandage (so to speak).

    I'm curious of one other thing:

    Just as I attracted her with DHVs and whatnot, does it work to un-attract her with DLVs and whatnot? Will substituting all of my PUA habits in front of her temporarily into AFC habits (the ones from all the-top-ten-never-to-do lists) lower my value to her and therefore either (a) compel her to break it off or (b) make it easier for her when I break it off?

    Anyone ever tried this?

    P.s. I've been dating this girl pretty much since we met a few months ago, she's a cool chick and I like hanging with her, but it's about time for us to retire eachother to the friendzone.
    DTF HB's omw 2 LTR

  4. #4
    DandyLion's Avatar
    DandyLion is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Let Her Down Easy

    Quote Originally Posted by Cody View Post
    If you’re seeing a lot of women there’s a good chance your reputation is going to take a blow. If you want to maintain a positive image, your exit game is going to have to be just as strong as—if not stronger than—your entrance game. Here are some tips for letting her down easy, making a smooth transition, and saving your street cred.

    #1. Do it at her place. Or at least a neutral location. When you drop the bomb the last thing you want to be worrying about is logistics. If you do it at your place she’s either a) not going to want to leave, or b) not going to enjoy you driving her home (and neither are you.) At her place she has all the necessities for a breakup recovery kit: Her bed, ice cream, a shovel, and Disney movies. If she doesn’t have them all she has to do is mop around until her girl friends show up to consol her.

    #2. Take into consideration the kind of girl. If she’s a trooper, do it on a Monday. This way she has the whole week to power through. If she’s going to need downtime do it on a Friday. Here she has the entire weekend to lie in bed feeling sorry for herself.

    #3. It’s absolutely, positively, NOT her fault. If you blame her in the least she’s going to want to compromise. She will change. She can make it work, but it’s not her, it’s you (even when it’s really her.)

    [Note: You’re not lying; you’re a PUA. This is who you are. This is what you do.]

    #4. Don’t Freeze Out. (Completely) Give her space, but don’t let her go. If you go full-blown no contact she’s going to have every reason to call you a jerk. Check up on her from time to time, whether it be the occasional text message or Facebook wall post. After all, you’re not a d*ck and you do still care about her; things just didn’t work out.


    Take this from a guy who has broken every single one of these tips. If you follow each of these she might hate you at first, but eventually she will realize you handled the situation like a true gentleman.

    Be a man and do it right. That’s what separates us from the douchebags.

    -Cody
    Thanks for the post Cody, very insightful.

    Regards,

    DandyLion

  5. #5
    Cody's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let Her Down Easy

    Quote Originally Posted by Autismus View Post
    Just as I attracted her with DHVs and whatnot, does it work to un-attract her with DLVs and whatnot? Will substituting all of my PUA habits in front of her temporarily into AFC habits (the ones from all the-top-ten-never-to-do lists) lower my value to her and therefore either (a) compel her to break it off or (b) make it easier for her when I break it off?
    You could and it does work, but that's taking the low road/easy way out. If you want to be a man, then be a man and do what is necessary. The world has enough p*ssies. Women deserve men.

    As the leader of the relationship it is your responsibility to do what is right for both of you. It sucks, and you will feel like absolute sh*t, but it gets better.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  6. #6
    dgmortal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Let Her Down Easy

    Great Post cody
    (But at first I thought this thread is about gettng BJs easily)
    If it frightens you, Do It!

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Let Her Down Easy

    I don't know about going to her place to break the news. Wouldn't it be better to take her out somewhere?

    I know that it's far easier to get dumped. I really hate when women cry.

  8. #8
    Desire911's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let Her Down Easy

    I reccomend you use a neutral setting rather than at her place, it definately helps create an easier more open atmosphere in which you can be honest and let her down gently without her then associating her place as the place you ditched her.

    Above all respect her as a women and never say "it's not you it's me" I mean do let her know that it's your fault but just don't say it that way, have more class so she beleives you and doesn't automatically think "omg I can't believe you just said that".

    Remember don't regret your relationships just learn from them.

    PEACE
    My mantra is simple
    Can I own it? Can I fuck it? Can I kill it?


    DESIRE


  9. #9
    PUAatmosphere's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let Her Down Easy

    Just wanted to thank Cody for the advice above.

    I had a five-day fling with a gal just recently. She was getting way too clingy and needy for me to handle even after talking about me needing space. Normally I might not stress about breaking something off after such a short time period. However, with her issues (and some key connections back to my social circle), I wanted to exercise extra care.

    Funny enough when I texted her two days later to check on how she was doing, she texted back, "Who's this?" Indicating that she'd deleted my number (or at least wanted me to believe that's what she'd done.)

    I agree that we need to stay classy in this, and this is the first break up in a long-time that I've done in person. I felt far fewer regrets and could move right back into having fun without that guilty conscious nagging at me.

  10. #10
    Autismus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Let Her Down Easy

    Had a chance to use this advice - really works! Felt good to be in control with total honesty.

    Here's my break-up field report.

    ...having "break-up se+" counts as "don't freeze her out" ... right?
    DTF HB's omw 2 LTR


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