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  1. #1
    Wordsmith is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Playing to strengths

    So here's my dilemma: I've been using online dating for a while now, mostly successfully. I'm not meeting "wow factor" women, but that's a subject for another post. My situation is that one of my great strengths that attracts women also causes problems: I'm unafraid to speak my mind and don't play wishy washy, accommodating, passive aggressive mangina BS. I'm a straight shooter and a writer, so I do so with a little panache. Have you guys found that playing coy works better with women online, or being straight up?

    Also, what dating sites (US) have you guys found the most attractive women thus far?

  2. #2
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    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Playing to strengths

    I've never known guys who are that bold & outspoken to have ANY trouble with women.
    (Unless they're total douchebags &/or jerks.)

    My first impression would be that you either come across as being too abrasive, or that your outspoken attitude isn't congruent with your overall package. (Body language/ voice/ enthusiasm/ sense of style... etc.)

    Something obviously is mis-firing....
    By the way, Please understand that I'm making a blanket statement based on history of the traditional "outspoken" guy... and not saying that's what you are.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
    Wordsmith is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Playing to strengths

    I actually wouldn't in a million years take that as an insult. It sounded like an objective take on how a certain method didn't work, so thank you.

    I think there may be something to the point of incongruence. A lot of my photos are of me having a good time with friends and a big grin on my face (because I was in fact having fun) which could be seen as inconsistent with the more straight-shooting, blunt words in my profile. That's a completely fair point. So too is the view that maybe I went too far and crossed the dickbag line.

  4. #4
    vitality is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Playing to strengths

    Hey everybody, I'm new to the forum and this is actually my first post.

    To the op, being outspoken and opinionated from everything I can tell is a good thing and shows confidence which many dudes in the online dating community lack. I know in retail sales you generally want to stay away from certain topics like sports and religion. Have you noticed that certain topics bring out a negative vibe more then others? Write em down and we can figure it out from there where you might be going wrong (and maybe some of us too.)

  5. #5
    Wordsmith is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Playing to strengths

    I decided to go in a different direction and take out certain topics. I rethought my approach and realized the important lesson that guys like me (with egos) often forget: just because it's important to me doesn't mean she'll care. In the world of online dating where women have lots of choices, they'll only read what matters to them. Here are some things I made mention of:

    I'm a native Chicagoan (possibly important) who roots hard for the...(fill in my favorite Chicago sports teams). That's probably not a good thing to mention because women in Minneapolis generally come in two categories: ones who root for their own teams, and ones who couldn't possibly care any less about sports. I turned it around by saying "I'm an avid sports fan but I'm no meathead."

    I'm passionate about politics and social justice and always welcome a lively debate. Yeah, duh, I should leave that crap out. My theory was "she's going to find out anyway, so why not be up front about it." Yep, that's another example of "logical guy failing at looking at the big picture." So that's gone.

    I discovered how offputting it is when women (especially hipster chicks) say things like "I like having a good beer with good people." It's annoying because it's pretentious and condescending. It implies your taste is superior. Did we think you'd enjoy bad beer with morons? Then I re-read my own profile and realized I sounded like an arrogant jerk instead of a confident man.

    I was being brash and brazen, not plain spoken and self-assured. I crossed the jerk line.


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