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  1. #1
    dimike is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need Help ASAP please

    So here's my situation (long version): puaforums.com/new-member-introductions/12997-strange-point-life-need-help.html

    Short version: my gf is in Sweden (I did a study abroad program for a year there). We've been in a LDR for a year now with her coming over for 2 months back in march. I'm finishing up my degree now, and can't visit her at least till oct.

    So these two things have been happening simultaneously:

    1. We've been discussing me me visiting her for awhile. We always had a system where both she and I would pay more or less equal shares of everything (I always paid a little more, but it's negligible.) I'm not cheap nor poor, but I am a student with pretty much no income and she's 25 now with a masters degree(I'm 21). I agreed to split the last air ticket when she was coming and she always mentioned that she would do the same for me.

    Just recently, her step-dad was diagnosed with cancer which has been stressing her out. She's been acting strange recently and have been attributing it to that which I don't doubt. Just today, she told me that she's worried about money and is asking me to pay for the ticket fully and maybe even help her out with expenses over there... I didn't give her a flat no, but said we should discuss it later. She then flipped out and hanged up on me. I messaged her we should talk it out like adults and see what I can do to help and she replied by saying I'm being an asshole.

    Maybe I was being a little insensitive, but it's because of her strange behavior recently. She's been missing, late, "busy" and secretive. And every time we would talk, I can see she's often cold and bitchy.

    2. She has been hanging out with a guy she met recently. I don't mind her hanging out with other people, but she's gone alone with that guy to all day trips (to a lake and beach etc.) This has been really recent as she met him 1-2 weeks ago. She tells me there's nothing between them and I try my best to just let her have her space and most importantly, trust her, but I don't know if I'm just being paranoid, but her behavior has changed recently.

    I don't know what to do at this point and I feel like I should just let her go. Though I don't want to be mistaken ie. if her behavior is just because of her dad and if her friend is really just a friend.

    Any help/advice would be appreciated,
    //Di Mike

  2. #2
    MidnytMarcus is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need Help ASAP please

    Mike, did you try talking with her about her feelings? She is maybe under stress and girls really like it if their guys are sensitive to their emotions like hearing them out and asking if they are ok. If you two already had a heart to heart talk and she's still bitchy and cold, then that is a problem. Usually, girls have those kind of signs when they like somebody else. I am basing this on my own experience with me ex. She had no time for me anymore (we usually talk everyday before but then, lately, we didn't coz she's making up excuses), and then she's moody and grumpy when we talk and get annoyed with me for a little reason. I later found out that she's in love with somebody else. So maybe that guy she is always go out with is the reason so i think it's better if you two will have a serious talk. Ask her what's on her mind and you two should be honest to each other. Tell her you are trying to understand her but she has to understand you too. If things will get worse, then I think it's time to let go. Time is precious. If she loves you, then she will make an effort, just don't forget to make your own effort too. Good luck man. Talk things out and be honest, that would help.

  3. #3
    dimike is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need Help ASAP please

    Thank you Markus so much, great advice as it seems like the exact same situation. I thought about it and realized that I should be more sensitive especially in this situation with her dad no matter if there's another man or not.

    We had a heart to heart conversation a couple days back (Saturday) when I confronted her and told her/asked her about her behavior. She agreed with me, didn't really tell me why, but said that she'll try to work on it. It was okay for a day or two after, but has soon been a problem again.

    We would talk every day before and she would always be around or at least msg me if she wasn't home or able to talk. Now, a lot of times, she's not even online through phone or laptop. And you got her behavior spot on. Exactly what I meant by bitchy.

    Some other things: When we were talking today, she started complaining that I'm always busy and have no time to talk to her. I am a lot of times, because of the time difference (day here, night there). I told her that recently it was her who has been late/busy so she can't blame it on me and then she became speechless, emotional, and looked down. Is this guilt or am I being too analytical?

  4. #4
    MidnytMarcus is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need Help ASAP please

    Yeah you're right.. Be sensitive for her father even if things are hard for both of you. Atleast she will realzie that you are concerned.

    yep! That's exactly what happened to me before.. She will change for a day or two then back again to her moody self. That guy friend might be helping her cope with her emotional status with her father and that is a BIG threat for you.

    If she was speechless, then that could be guilt.. I don't understand the emotional though.. This is the problem about girls, they are very complex. They are not straight-forward and they expect us to read their minds. Just hold on to her dude and if it still continues, ask yourself if you see yourself together with her in the next 2 years or so. This is the problem of a long-distance relationship. Which is the reason why only few couples survive coz you can't be there for them when they need your personally. You are all basing it on trust and honesty. Give it more time, if you can't take it anymore, the let go but try to be there for her if you have time for emotional support.. She's in a tough spot. I hope your problem with your girl will be ok soon.


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