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Thread: need help with making a girl feel comfortable

  1. #1
    jonsteve is offline PUA in Training
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    Default need help with making a girl feel comfortable

    Hey, im looking to improve my skills in different situations and would appreciate any advice and tips.

    As a side note, im not new to this and the chat was going very well.. anyway...

    -----------------------------------------------------

    Met a girl online

    chatted and flirted with her for a couple of days

    asked for her number

    she says that wants to get to know me more on chat thing first

    chatted and flirted some more

    a day or two later i asked whether she was comfortable giving her number yet and she says:

    Not yet :her
    23:36

    ok :me
    23:37

    but how well do you want us to know each other? i mean some of the excitement is in what we dont know, dont you think? : me
    23:41

    Yh true - do u have Facebook - is that any good :her

    so she added me on fb

    but then she says

    U don't seem to happy or I maybe wrong :her
    23:54

    no im ok , i respect that you need more time, i just want to make sure your not wasting my time
    00:00 :me

    I need more time because I don't know what I want :her
    00:01

    And due to something happening this year and Don't wanna get hurt I can't go through it again :her
    00:03

    i can understand that :me
    00:04

    Like I do wanna get to know u :her
    00:04

    But I don't wanna waste ur time either :her
    00:04

    Or hurt u u understand what I am sayig :her
    00:05

    lol you planning on hurting me? :me
    00:06

    I don't have it in me :her
    00:08

    its ok to feel like that :me
    00:09

    K :her
    00:11

    so you want to get to know me huh? :me
    00:12

    Yh :her
    00:15

    i wana get to know you too :me (ignore cheesyness lool)
    00:16

    Y is that :her
    00:18

    so we can go swimming in a deadly ocean :me (joke from before dw)
    00:21

    Lmao :her
    00:24

    nah you seem really nice and down to earth and you look pretty :me (ignore cheesyness again)
    00:25

    Umm how do know I am not chatting **** etc lol :her
    00:26

    intuition :me
    00:26

    :her

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    and so thats the basic situation, i want to meet up with her and get to know her (i also asked to meeet up at same time as number and she basically said yes but not yet) but she needs to feel ore comfortable by the sound of it. she added me on fb so thats a good sign, and she seems to like me.

    I dont really want to know what i should have said, but i do want to know how you think i should deal with the current situation. my aim is to meet up with her and take it from there

    Cheers guys

    Steven

  2. #2
    Achilies's Avatar
    Achilies is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: need help with making a girl feel comfortable

    honestly she sounds super cautious and flakey. I am gonna give her a 75% flake rate. You seemed too pushy for this too happen.. a la asking for her number twice.. if i where you i would drop the whole topic, do not msg her everyday, and only talk to her for a few minutes but make her laugh and wanting more.

    This fish barely bit your line by the looks of it, so you are a long way off from reeling this one in IMO. But you have to lure her in by creating attraction. She can think you're nice, but if there is no attraction she isn't going to meet up and you don't create attraction by looking desperate.

  3. #3
    jonsteve is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: need help with making a girl feel comfortable

    i probably do need to create more attraction, although i feel i already created some in the earlier conversations. i think messaging every few days and not for long is good as well as making her laugh. I wont ask her for anything again for a while. btw what kind of things are good for creating attraction online in your opinion?

  4. #4
    Achilies's Avatar
    Achilies is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: need help with making a girl feel comfortable

    online? playful negs .. seeming very interesting, busy, have your shit together. Make up bullshit stories on cool adventures you have been on ... you want to essentially be an international man of mystery.

    You MOSTLY want to never make her think you are needy, unstable, annoying, non-alpha, jealous etc.

  5. #5
    jonsteve is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: need help with making a girl feel comfortable

    sounds good, i will follow that advice. out of interest, do you think i have blown it with this girl or not?

  6. #6
    Achilies's Avatar
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    Default Re: need help with making a girl feel comfortable

    hmm I don't think you are totally done. If she is still msging back.

  7. #7
    jonsteve is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: need help with making a girl feel comfortable

    cool, on these forums it seems like everytime you say you have made a mistake or something hasnt gone completley right that its over and time to move on lol

  8. #8
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    Default Re: need help with making a girl feel comfortable

    I agree that she's extremely cautious.... but for good reason: You haven't given her a good reason to share her number yet.

    After 2 days of messaging, you should be practically at the point where she's asking for YOUR number.... or begging to give you HERS.

    I'll be honest with you. From what I can see (Based on your text exchange/ post) you're coming off as really needy & clingy; kinda like you're not used to being around hot girls.

    Also- before you work on "building comfort" you have to build attraction.
    Why?

    Because if a girl doesn't feel any sort of attraction for you, she's NOT going to allow you the opportunity to build comfort.

    Some guys get a free pass based on looks, as far as getting a larger window of opportunity goes; BUT... that window closes just a quickly for them as it does for anyone else, if they screw it up.

    Don't stress about the number just yet. Really.
    Use your online dating / messaging time as "TRAINING". )

    Work out the flaws you currently have, by taking notes & paying attention to what's successful & what isn't.

    There were times I spent several days of messaging before "going for the number" online... just because I wanted to learn as much as I could about the girl's personality.

    And then other times, I got the number on day one. (Including one girl who gave it to me on my initial opening email)

    But seriously, it takes practice & studying. You have to put in the effort & the time to go over your personal progress & figure out what's working, & what isn't.

    The key bit of info is this: Learn to flirt!!!

    Really! Get playful.... be silly..... make her have fun. (Apparently that's gonna be my motto: LOL)

    Because once she has fun... she's going to have more interest.
    Then keep the "fun", and you keep the interest!



    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.


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