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Thread: Need help with a girl I asked out but wants a friend to tag along.

  1. #1
    Criayter is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need help with a girl I asked out but wants a friend to tag along.

    Here's the story:

    I met girl I asked out through a mutual friend and I have talked to her quite a few times but every time I did our mutual friend was there. I kept getting invited to her house by her mutual friend. I tried my best to keep myself a mystery so I usually tried to talk about her favorite subjects with our mutual friend. bad thing is I haven't really gotten to talk to her on my own. However, i did learn she likes to watch a lot of movies with our mutual friend. Our mutual friend is a woman too.

    I've only seen the girl I asked out about 4 times and I thought I might as well ask her now or never. I ended up friending her on fb and I tried to start it with the 3 key lock messages I read from the Bobby Rio's Magnetic Messaging program.

    Anyways, I'm not sure how I hit it off as I am a little stuck here. Here's what I tried to see what it can turn out to be.

    Hey, I got your sister trapped at my house and for some reason it reminded me that you promised me sushi... anyways, how you doing?

    -At one point, during the time at her house, she mentioned she wanted me to try out sushi though I didn't quite catch her saying she didn't try it either...

    liar, she's home sleeping. why would you wanna trap such an atrosity anyway? Haha. And i am also a filthy liar for having promised you something and not delivering. im good btw. You?

    Lol, I had her with my sis for awhile but she escaped pretty quickly. I did it to try to save you from the horror. That sushi is still a little tempting. You sure ill be liking the taste of it?? And I'm good too!

    - Well right here I was thinking pretty hard on how I can turn the idea that she is flirting with me but I went the opposite way as you'll see on the rest of the messages.

    Well you didn't do a very good job of sparing me tho horror it still got to be in my presence. haha. I've never actually had sushi, but hey if you think its tempting, by all means go ahead and give it a try if you like it i may consider trying it as well.

    Both of you are wild creatures. I would have been killed if trapped her any longer. lol but at least she was asleep when you noticed. You want me to try this new experience on my own, Jess Taco:P?? You busy this weekend?

    haha. Well the most beautiful creatures of the world are wild but my sister is the exception hahaha. Jk. Ummn not that i know of yet. So i guess I'm not busy.

    Are you saying if I tried trapping you then you'd go berserk on me? I can't tame such beauty haha. Well I'm thinking if you can let me take you to Castle park to enjoy some mini golf there this Saturday afternoon and on the way back we go get sea-food if sushi is a part of that. what do you say?

    hahaha thats because im untameable haha. Sure sounds good. Is josephine coming?

    Uhuh that's just a challenge I'm willing to accept!! Even the best go down eventually alright cool. well I haven't asked her but I was thinking just you and me.

    Pfft! Not this woman, sir! Haha. Oh. Well you should ask her anyway, wouldnt wanna leave my good 'ol bud out.

    This is where I'm at right now and although I want to just spend time to get to know her better, I don't want her to feel uncomfortable if she's with me. I have a bit of time to respond to her cus I guess I texted our mutual friend to see if she'd like to go too though I'm still waiting for a reply. Our mutual friend has a bf so Im thinking of the double date, maybe.. depending on what I might get back on her text. I have a few days before the day arrives too.

    Can anyone give me some ideas on how I could have changed the messages around to not sound like I'm the one flirting with her but her flirting with me? And how can I continue on from here?
    Please and Thank you.

  2. #2
    jtorres2_1 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with a girl I asked out but wants a friend to tag along.

    Hey man, i don't want to sound too harsh but you started out all wrong and maybe you already blew this.

    You should have approached her directly when you met her and when you saw her with your friend, all this intermediary friend thing made you look low value and insecure, pretty much everything you did, including asking her out on Facebook screams "random nice (pussy) FRIEND" not "Confident, Sexy, potential boyfriend".

    Now when you asked her out she thought of you as the friend and it just seemed natural to bring the other friend into it.

    What i would respond:
    "Hey, lets go out just you and me, i really want to get to know you better."

    However i think its a 50/50 chance she'll flake or friend zone you.

    Don't get discouraged though! There's plenty of girls and each time we get blown out we learn something else.

    Best of luck

  3. #3
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    EMSaenz is offline PUA With Mad Respect
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    Default Re: Need help with a girl I asked out but wants a friend to tag along.

    You're about to get off the train at the friend zone depot. According to you, it's your target that's insisting on bringing her friend along. Why?

    1) Her friend is interested in you & your target respects her friend, but isn't going to turn rude on you.

    2) Your target has reservations about being alone with you, or with any guy for that matter.

    a) If it's just being alone w/you, then there is something about you that scares her.

    b) If it's guys in general, she may have had a bad experience in the past (date rape?). You don't want a relationship w/a person that may need to work out those kinds of issues.

    Remember that 8 out of 10 women in the USA have been sexually assaulted to some degree - causes trust issues & other problems

    3) She's too young & inexperienced to start one on one dating. She needs some back-up in case she starts to feel like she's messing up the date with you.

    4) She made a secret Harry Potter like blood oath w/her friend that the first time she played miniature golf w/a guy or foiled her blossom, her friend could watch. JK .

    How tight are you w/her friend? What's your relationship like w/her friend? Have you told her friend you got the hots for the target? Can you ask her friend personal things about your target? Can your mutual friend be discreet if you ask her personal things about your target?

    You need to do a lot of homework to find out how to get out of the FZ. Answer this first, is she worth it?
    Carpe diem!

  4. #4
    jtorres2_1 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with a girl I asked out but wants a friend to tag along.

    is she worth it?
    Most times she isn't. The time and energy you spend trying (and mostly failing) to get out of the friend zone can be used to meet all kinds of awesome girls.

    I like this analogy i came up with. When i was 16 my dad gave me my first car, a POS VW Beetle, naturally i loved the damn thing, at the lil age of 16 i thought it was the best thing ever, never needed another car again.

    A couple of years passed and it took me getting behind the wheel of a car as pedestrian as a Honda Acura 00 to let me see how much of a dumbass i was, nevermind watching a youtube clip of something like a Ferrari 458 Italia.

    You're always going to find something better out there.

  5. #5
    Criayter is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help with a girl I asked out but wants a friend to tag along.

    Thank you for the responses. I Did actually feel a little off as went along and actually told her I'm asking her on a date and would like to get to know her better. However, the relationship with our mutual friend is somewhat shaky as I call it.

    Now I'm beginning to think about Emsaenz thought on our mutual friend. So I'll go more into detail and well I'm not saying it's not worth it to give it a try and experience the rejection to get back up cus if it helps me learn from it then by all means I'll keep going.

    Here's more on the detail. I've been friends with our mutual friend for awhile and I kept it that way since everytime I tried got the her talking about her bf so I kept her as a friend to be able to meet other people she may know, as potential partners.

    And as you saw in those messages, I'm not really experienced so any more advice will help.

    I ended up telling our mutual friend about me wanting to ask her friend out and told her all about wanting to double date and she said it wouldn't be a good idea since she doesn't have a bf which is something I barely learned right now.

    I was straight with telling my target about my intentions and I guess I might be friend zoned. She did say 'Yes' but also said that she is uncomfortable with the idea of 'date' so she said to go out as friends.

    The only thing worth here for me is just trying to give it a shot but If I fail then there'll be others.

  6. #6
    jtorres2_1 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with a girl I asked out but wants a friend to tag along.

    Ok, lets go by parts

    I've been friends with our mutual friend for awhile and I kept it that way since everytime I tried got the her talking about her bf so I kept her as a friend to be able to meet other people she may know, as potential partners.
    Most times when a girl mentions his BF it means you're being too obvious and hitting on her in an unaccepted way, the boyfriend might not even exist, she was just trying to scare you off. Good call on keeping her as a friend though.

    I ended up telling our mutual friend about me wanting to ask her friend out and told her all about wanting to double date and she said it wouldn't be a good idea since she doesn't have a bf which is something I barely learned right now.
    As i said, maybe the boyfriend didn't exist, just two things too keep in mind here:

    1.- Unless you know the friend is more on your side then hers, don't do this again. Its good gossip and if she ends up telling your target you're already at a disadvantage.

    2.- Its actually a good idea the double date, however this is how you should have done it. Get a competent male friend who can wing for you, tell him you're going out with some girls, call female friend on Friday afternoon, tell her you're going out with your wing and her + target should all hang out. The way you did it contains some uncertainty, my way the girls just have to hop along the fun train.

    I was straight with telling my target about my intentions and I guess I might be friend zoned. She did say 'Yes' but also said that she is uncomfortable with the idea of 'date' so she said to go out as friends.
    Can you be more specific on what you said? It seems anyway she just friend zoned you, unless you go out and have your game spot on, its already game over. Don't sweat it though, i recommend you do go out anyways, have fun and report back, a ton of good things can come out of this.

    It seems like you're just starting out in the PUA business, have you read or seen any material around? You're already learning some good stuff and this is just the first girl.

    Best of luck

  7. #7
    Criayter is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help with a girl I asked out but wants a friend to tag along.

    I have been reading a few books on socializing, charisma, and communication and I have also read Mike Pilinski's books but I haven't looked around the forums as much. I read as much as I can before I gave it a shot with the target but looks like I missed the chance to make that first impression. However, I have not really gotten the chance to be with the target on my own and so I decided to ask her on this date with just being me and her. I do know that I'll have to reread the books again for my next shot at some other girl but I want to see what this date can go to first.



    This is what I said after she asked about bringing along my friend.



    "Hey, I am asking you on a date and well I asked 'ourfriend' if she'd like to come with her bf but she said she can't. Would you still like to go?"



    and she said: "Sure, but I am uncomfortable calling it a 'date, so let's just call it 2 friends hanging out. okay?"



    I said: "Sure. just 2 friends hanging out. Can I get your #"



    I got the number and I told her I'll be contacting her the night before I'll be taking her which will be tomorrow night.



    But knowing she said as friends I know I'll have to bring A huge game face to change that idea. I believe it'll be worth trying and see if I can have a fun time with her even if it leads as friends anyways so I'll be giving it a shot but any help on what I can do is appreciated.



    I also got to talk to my friend about the target a little and how I was put into the friend zone and told me that I have to do something incredible to change the targets mind about me. She also said it in a disheartening way to put it like I hardly have a shot.



    i want to see if this info is any good. I am 19, I go to a community college and love skateboarding but I do not have a job.



    Can anyone tell me what I can talk about with this if she asks anything about what i do? and Well I know I'll be trying my best to make her talk about herself and make her feel good about herself as that makes part of the person like me but I know it's not enough.



    I have a day to go before I give the call so If anyone can give me
    some ideas on how I can change this awkward situation i am in right now to a fun and exciting afternoon, starting with the phone call, it'll be great.



    Thank you.

  8. #8
    jtorres2_1 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with a girl I asked out but wants a friend to tag along.

    Ok bro, let me prepare you as best as i can for this date.

    Theres so much to be said and done on the subject, there's literally books full of information on this, however we don't have too much time so lets keep it simple and do it in parts.

    1.- First of all, the call. Keep it fun but short, simple and to the point. Call and be upbeat, confident and to the point, i always do something like this: "Hey! Hows it going? I'm awesome if you're wondering. Listen, i wanted to let you know i'll pick you up at (time) so you're ready to have the time of your life, alright i'll see you later." click. Call her early, as in 12:00 am - 1:00 pm.

    2.- Next, open up youtube and search "pua the cube" and then open google and search "strawberry fields kokology". These are both very simple routines which will come in handy. See them, memorize, learn, practice two or three times with parents, siblings, friends, etc. Once you have those down google "jealous girlfriend opener". Its a simple routine so she can start talking and you can break the ice easily. Learn it, practice it, memorize.

    3.- Next, think about stuff about you that are cool and convey your personality, like the thing you said about skateboarding. What other passions do you have? Think about 3-4 things like this and think about the coolest story you have attached to it, for example on skateboarding think about the time you did an awesome trick and your friend filmed it and then you fall and scraped your knees badly, etc etc. After that think about what EMOTIONS you feel when you do the think you like, again in the skateboarding example think about the exhilaration, the passion, etc.

    4.- Youtube and watch "mystery Kino Escalation" which will show you the right way to touch the girl and keep escalating that touch, the video contains some advanced stuff as well, don't sweat it, just remember the basic things.

    5.- If you've done all that and you still have time and space left on your brain, youtube "5 lies neil strauss", its another cool routine which will come in handy, as with above, practice, learn and memorize.

    Now lets put it all together. Pick her up/meet her there and after the usual "heys, hows it going?" use the jealous girlfriend opener and this will start her talking and feeling more comfortable, then depending on where you're taking her move forward and get comfortable first. If its for example a chill place sit down. By now your opener will have run out its course, don't milk it.

    Next talk about something recently cool thats happened in your life, think about when you get together with your best friend, the thing you can't wait to tell him/her about. After that go for the cube, say "hey, do you want to know more about yourself?" and go for it. After you finish the cube morph the talk into the those stories about your passions i told you to think about. Say something like "hey i want to tell you a cool story" blah blah and at the end tell her how that think (like skateboarding) makes you feel.

    Hopefully you will be Kino escalating during all this stuff. After all those run out do "strawberry fields". Phew, getting mentally tired already? After that one its time for her to talk, ask her questions about herself and comment on them. Ask her about her hobbies and passions, ask her what she wants to be when she grows up ("and don't say princess"), ask her whats shes studying, about her friends.

    Many hours should have already been passed by now, if you learned 5 lies do it at the end and maybe play it for lets say.. a kiss on the cheek. Your date is now done and dusted, she had fun, you looked like an awesome fun dude.

    Be fun, cool, upbeat, chill, confident and relaxed. And really do have fun and make it a learning experience. After that come and report back on the forum to spill all the juicy gossip

    Can anyone tell me what I can talk about with this if she asks anything about what i do?
    Tell her the truth 100%, its by no means a deal breaker. Your atittude is 100% the make it or break it factor.

    To end all this... As you can see the pua stuff has tons of layers of complexity, i love it and continuously read up on it. If you're interested on starting out i recommend you read the book "the game" by Neil Straus, its where most of us started. Its a great book and i can say its changed a ton of my outlook on life.

    Best of luck

  9. #9
    Criayter is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help with a girl I asked out but wants a friend to tag along.

    Thanks for the good information Jtorres. I was ready to try all this for the day out; however, things didn't go out as I thought they'd be.

    Okay, so it turns out that the whole thing has discouraged me a bit and well I want to know what I did wrong. First the phone call.

    I wasn't able to do the call until around 8pm. I felt too nervous, to make the call after hearing how I'll get the slight chance but I decided that I wanted to finally go for it and ask. So I tried to remain calm but knew I lost it once I heard myself saying to her "really" after she agreed to meet me. anyways, I end the call and wait till around 3.

    I get a text from her and here's what I get. It seems as though this may have messed up my chance.

    "Hey, do you mind if we can meet up at around 5 instead"

    I figured she has something on her min but I carried on..

    my response: "I don't mind, 5 it is then. Just prepare yourself for a good golf challenge "

    her: " haha, okay. I will.

    i thought it was a good idea to start a flirt but tell me what you think

    me: "and I won't be easy"

    her: " that's good. nobody likes a slut"

    I thought It was flirting back so my last message was:

    "I bet you love them "

    once it reached 5 I gave the 2 calls but no answers and message for the third strike and nothing. so I head home for the day

    One good thing i got out of all this was, i talked to about 2 strangers about some of their ambitions.. and how one of them went into real estate and the other was me giving directions to the person.

    I got the idea that if I accomplish the day 1 challenge from the book you recommended, I learned something. anyways,

    can you give me any info on this part? Thanks again

  10. #10
    jtorres2_1 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with a girl I asked out but wants a friend to tag along.

    Hey sorry i didn't answer before, i was just busy.

    There wasn't one really big thing you messed up on, just many different little things that made her flake out on you. Let me just point out a few things.

    I wasn't able to do the call until around 8pm. I felt too nervous
    The more you wait, the harder it becomes and the more likely it is for you to mess up.

    Remember this little trick for everything with girls, if you wait for more than 3 seconds to initiate something, you're most probably messing up. The good part is that all this gets easier with experience. I still get nervous calling girls but i do it all the time and its no big deal, next time don't hesitate.

    "Hey, do you mind if we can meet up at around 5 instead"
    Yes, you do mind. You always mind her changing your schedule. You mind it enough to say "no i can't do 5, maybe next time?". Of course you called early to make sure she can make it. When you say you don't mind waiting it says two things:

    1.- You don't have anything better to do than wait around for her all day, is this guy even worth my time?

    2.- He's willing to change around his time even if it affects his other stuff, how hard is it going to be to dump him if he can't walk away from a simple date?

    All this kills any possible attraction you have made or could potentially make.

    "I bet you love them "
    I could be wrong but i just don't like the response for that early in the game, it sounded weird.

    once it reached 5 I gave the 2 calls but no answers and message for the third strike and nothing
    The baseball analogy is oddly appropriate, i use it myself. One call ok, two calls? Pushing it. Three calls, i'm done. I now never make three calls in a day never, ever. Two calls is more than enough to cover any circumstantial situation, one call and a message might be even better.

    So to sum it up, it's not really one little thing, its the big some of things since you started posting that really sealed it for you, so what to do now?

    If you ever see this girl again with your mutual friend or whatever, do not act kind, don't give her a smile, don't go and say hi. She stood you up and that's not something to take lightly. If she comes up and says hi and maybe starts giving excuses don't stand there and take it up the ass, tell her she sucks and walk away. There is a very tiny margin of chance that this will gain you redemption with her, but its more about the principle of who you want to be and how people observe you. Keep reading and you'll understand this perfectly.

    Apart from that take this as a new rebirth, a new opportunity to start fresh with another girl, better from the starting line and someone who will take some time to listen you out and get to know you. You're already on a much better track than i was at 19, keep it up!

    Best of luck


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