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Thread: approach anxiety w/ girl i already slept with!!

  1. #1
    Rando9009 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default approach anxiety w/ girl i already slept with!!

    Guys,

    So i was seeing this girl for awhile. From the start felt like things were developing into a relationship, then more of a booty call on her end, but then kind of died out. She still seems somewhat interested in me by contacting me occasionally, but she always flakes out on plans. Her friends tell me this is just her personality.... she acts flaky even with them.

    Anyways i dont really contact her anymore, but honestly would still like to see her.

    So yesterday i went with a group of friends to the buffett concert (all day drinking event). This girl was also there with a group of her friends (who im also friends with so we were planning on meeting up for awhile). We texted back and forth.... but then when we met up, there was this awkward Tension that prevented me from even saying hi... i kept an upbeat attitude and had a good time talking to her friends. But i just couldnt get myself to talk to her. She didnt seem to be making herself very receptive as well, which is partly where the weird vibe came from (huddled up with ppl i dont know). I left shortly after and she texted me "why didnt you say hi.... you were acting weird" to which i responded that i thought she was..

    How could i have handled this better? I litterally froze and could not go say hi. I feel kind of stupid about it and felt it could have went so much better. So basically this was a case of extreme Approach Anxiety, with someone ive already slept with several times! I dont get it

    Anyone else have any similar experiences or thoughts?

  2. #2
    xavier's Avatar
    xavier is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: approach anxiety w/ girl i already slept with!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Rando9009 View Post
    Guys,

    So i was seeing this girl for awhile. From the start felt like things were developing into a relationship, then more of a booty call on her end, but then kind of died out. She still seems somewhat interested in me by contacting me occasionally, but she always flakes out on plans. Her friends tell me this is just her personality.... she acts flaky even with them.

    Anyways i dont really contact her anymore, but honestly would still like to see her.

    So yesterday i went with a group of friends to the buffett concert (all day drinking event). This girl was also there with a group of her friends (who im also friends with so we were planning on meeting up for awhile). We texted back and forth.... but then when we met up, there was this awkward Tension that prevented me from even saying hi... i kept an upbeat attitude and had a good time talking to her friends. But i just couldnt get myself to talk to her. She didnt seem to be making herself very receptive as well, which is partly where the weird vibe came from (huddled up with ppl i dont know). I left shortly after and she texted me "why didnt you say hi.... you were acting weird" to which i responded that i thought she was..

    How could i have handled this better? I litterally froze and could not go say hi. I feel kind of stupid about it and felt it could have went so much better. So basically this was a case of extreme Approach Anxiety, with someone ive already slept with several times! I dont get it

    Anyone else have any similar experiences or thoughts?
    Awwwwwwwwwwwww u like her :P.
    to which i responded that i thought she was..
    she was what?

    U went all AFC. The only advice I can give u is to not let u're emotions get in the way of u're game. pause then reframe. U can try this:
    When u see her b4 the approach build her up in u're head soooooooooooo well seriously make her perfect then choose one flaw about her and focus on it, then u'll start rolling with the flaws to the point where she won't intimidate u.
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  3. #3
    bobat6 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: approach anxiety w/ girl i already slept with!!

    are you Raj for Big Bang Theory :PP

    hehe just kiddin.. i would do what Xavier said, focus on a flaw she might have so as to decrease her value in your eyes .. or else try comparing her to a gorgeous Celebrity which u can clearly say she's a HB10.. idk (mine for example are Megan Fox and Minka Kelly).. this girl, most probably will be something like an 8 compared to them , so its easier for you to approach if you see her as an 8 instead of 10 (just an example)
    The Worst thing I can be is the same as everybody else. I'd Hate that!

  4. #4
    Rando9009 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: approach anxiety w/ girl i already slept with!!

    Haha I guess it was a total Raj move... except I WAS drunk!

    Ya I'll have to remember that... to mentally decrease her value.

    I'm just not sure that was really the thing. It just felt like an awkward meet up with an ex... even though I was with her not even a week before. Think it would be appropriate to shoot her a message this week (or call but she hardly answers) saying anything about this? Not a down right appology, but just addressing it. Or would that be a dlv..?

    Not really the biggest of deal or something to dwell on. Its just something I don't want to happen again! Theres nothing worse than locking up.

  5. #5
    xavier's Avatar
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    Default Re: approach anxiety w/ girl i already slept with!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Rando9009 View Post
    Haha I guess it was a total Raj move... except I WAS drunk!

    Ya I'll have to remember that... to mentally decrease her value.

    I'm just not sure that was really the thing. It just felt like an awkward meet up with an ex... even though I was with her not even a week before. Think it would be appropriate to shoot her a message this week (or call but she hardly answers) saying anything about this? Not a down right appology, but just addressing it. Or would that be a dlv..?

    Not really the biggest of deal or something to dwell on. Its just something I don't want to happen again! Theres nothing worse than locking up.
    Don't do that just forget about it and don't ever call her again if she hardly answers ur calls and shit like that and when she does talk to her in a low intrest way
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  6. #6
    Conquistador82's Avatar
    Conquistador82 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: approach anxiety w/ girl i already slept with!!

    Just be laid back and playful...and try to get more options when it comes to girls. The more options you have, the less needy and clingy you will come off as! When you have other girls in your life..you broadcast confidence and you are not afraid of talking to girls or loosing them; and that is princess when it comes to attracting girls!

  7. #7
    Rando9009 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: approach anxiety w/ girl i already slept with!!

    Thanks guys for the replies. I know it sounds a little silly about the whole "locking up" but it really is something I don't want to keep doing.

    I know damn well that I'm not going to be re-engaging this girl or anyone else if I bring a weird vibe to the table, as in this case. In all reality though this girl was being just as weird as me (not appearing to want to talk based on her body language, then texting me afterwards etc), so I'm not putting her on a pedestal about this.

    And good call Conquistador. That's generally all of our goals here right! I know personality wise that I do lock into one particular girl too fast. I've had situations where I've had 3-5 girls I'm talking to at the same time, but I generally gravitate towards one of them pretty quickly.

    and so Xavier, your just saying I should just blow her off? I mean I really don't even initate contact with her the way it is now. But I may be guilty of being overly eager when she contacts me.. Still would like to keep this girl as an open option if possible, if anything she was making a good booty call..

  8. #8
    xavier's Avatar
    xavier is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: approach anxiety w/ girl i already slept with!!

    Depends:
    - u want her to be u're gf (blow her off the first time she calls)
    -u want to be her booty call only don't, but still don't be to eager to get to her, let her know u're not just a piece of meat it's better for u're image in general
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  9. #9
    Rando9009 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: approach anxiety w/ girl i already slept with!!

    Ok. So question...

    I know the reasoning behind what you said "blow her off first time she calls" if you want to get her re-interested (or bf) like just mentioned. But how is this acutally best handled?

    Let's say she texts me randomly this week/wknd "hey whats up how are you ".... and I just ignore it. She may or may not text back. Plus I always get the feeling that she might just think I'm not interested any more and drop it herself...

    -or-

    text her back the next day with a "sorry didn't see your message till now" etc.

    So basically how do you proceed after ignoring a message or call on purpose... but still with the Mindset of wanting to actually meet up again..?

  10. #10
    xavier's Avatar
    xavier is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: approach anxiety w/ girl i already slept with!!

    When u ignore u have to wait for her to call back u shouldn't be the one to reinitiate and if she doesn't then forget about her and move on.
    In situations like this u have to be ready to loose her to have a chance at truly winning her.
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.


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