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Thread: How do you work out who pays on dates?

  1. #1
    SexualSorcerer333 is offline PUA Forums Banned
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    Default How do you work out who pays on dates?

    I know the rule is that you shoudlnt pay for anything before you have had sex with the girl. I was just wondering if there were any exceptions to this or any rules that go along with the rule, because it seems a little more complicated and situational. For instance if your the one asking the girl out somesimtes they will assume you are paying. Especially if you begin suggesting things to get (or for instance I am the type of guy who likes to totally control the expereince at the restaurant so I will ask her to let me do the ordering) she will just assume you are going to pay. A lot of dating books have suggested that on the first and maybe the second and third dates you discuss who is going to pay before hand. However sometimes you dont want to spoil moments in conversation by bringing up that issue, and may just want to treat that whole who is paying t hing as if it is not even something that needs to be talked about or is an issue that crossed anyones mind anyways so that things can flow easier. I have had a lot of dates where I will discuss it and wont pay. But there are times when I am already seducing the woman and she is totally giving in and I know that she has already told herself that she is going to allow me to take her, I am not going to interrupt a romantic moment where we are both totally absorbed in our sexuality to talk about money and that logistical concern. Lol and also if the woman is more traditional or from a different culture it may seem like a common dating protocol to her and it may actually be a good thing that you are comforming to it and paying, showing that you can take care of her needs financially at least on symbolic occasions such as a first date. Or times when it may seem petty, like if your just ordering a couple drinks that are part of many and she had already bought the first round or you guys are going back and forth I mean you just cant be petty. But I do understand the rule of dont pay before sex, I just wondered if there is more to it. And most importnatly what are some of the things you guys say when your trying to make a woman pay for something? Like I will ask a girl to order me something and she usually just pays for it too. Especially if I have just paid for something, immediately afterward like when she says thanks I'll say no problem, I'll let you order/get the next one", which forces her to realize that this is not going to be a one sided relationship. And in many situations I will try to make the girl pay for her own things, but like sometimes you go out and you are sharing some things, or it gets mixed up, and maybe for instance you have ordered more things than her, I mean it gets complicated, and how do you tell her to pay for what? It will A) make you look like you have money issues and that money is a problem to you, and B) take you away from the fun while you have to take the moment to figure out the logistics of whos paying for what and how to split it up, and then calculate the tip, I mean it turns into a big logistical production and will take you away from the romance and excitement you have generated. So usually when the check comes I just open it up and look at it, and if she starts looking at it too and wanting to pay I let her, but if she thinks its my job to pay I will. But then I will turn around and tell her that she is going to pay the next time so its not one sided. But also I think its beneficial to be paying, because I like to excite a womans senses with all kinds of experiences. Artistic experiences, cultural experiences, food and drink expereinces, musical expereindes, etc etc. So I like picking the restaurant, and picking one I think she has never been too, which will impress her, and which will be a very new and exciting (if possible ethnic) culinary exprience for her, and then I like to be the one to choose the food and drink too. Many women wont order cocktails because they are expensive, they are a commitment to the effects of alcohol that sometimes women dont want, and women will often want to seem socially conservative and wont want to be the first one to order a drink, and on first or second dates especially a lot of times they will be more reserved about alcohol use, or for instance if you are going on a lunch date or brunch date like I did today, they wont think to order a cocktail because its too early in the day, and I may know that the restaurant I have taken them too specializes in different kinds of special cocktails and have special brunch cocktails that they should really try because its a great experience that they might just not think of. So I mean I assume its ok to pay for the check at a time like that where you really want to create a certain experience for the woman and be in full control of that experience right? And what are situations in which you would suggest that the woman pay and how would you word it so that you dont sound cheap? And if there are any other situational instances regarding who pays for what and what you should be doing specifically at those times please let me know because I dont want the woman to feel like I am giving her power in a situation by paying for things or that I am the type of guy that just pays for everything lol,and I know thats not good, but sometimes I think its appropriate to pay. And of course sometimes it is hard for a guy to ask a girl to pay.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: How do you work out who pays on dates?

    every pua has different thoughts on this one, the way i see it is that you should pay for her if the bill is under fifty bucks and you want an LTR, if the bill runs over i'll split it with her, for realy cheap dates it is fine to pay a little bit for the date, i prefer cheaper dates where i will be able to easily pay, you have to find a balance between paying too much and being a tightwad, if you pay too much she may take advantage, if you don't pay any it will be a dlv. though personally free public events make for the best dates where you may not have to pay much. it just depends on how much you are willing to invest in the woman, i know it seems like i'm rambling but this is my opinion

  3. #3
    SexualSorcerer333 is offline PUA Forums Banned
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    Default Re: How do you work out who pays on dates?

    no your right and thats why this is a complicated situation. Because if you make an issue out of not being able to pay for things where it is ambiguous who should pay, or a complicated situation (like wehre you have ordered a bunch of t hings and some were shared, etc). its a dlv. But you dont want payment to seem like it always defaults to you, or that you are a pushover or anything. Lol free events are great, like festivals, but they are also money traps hahaha. But creative dating is important.

  4. #4
    linking is offline Banned
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    Default Re: How do you work out who pays on dates?

    If I'm in a restaurant, I always pay on card........they generally tend to offer to pay you the money for they're meal, so I just go 'no, no no its fine' they always insist so I take some of their money then go buy them a drink. Tends to work for me........look like a gentleman on a date because it isn't lowering value in my opinion.

    Linking x

  5. #5
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    Default Re: How do you work out who pays on dates?

    Dear God. Paragraphs Man, paragraphs.

    I know the rule is that you shoudlnt pay for anything before you have had sex with the girl.

    That's a rule? Who said that? Lol

    Here's how I play: First of all, I rarely go out with a girl to a place that is going have financial occurrences until D3. D1 and D2 are typically free things because I don't know if she's worth my time, let alone money. If there is going to be a financial aspect, I assume that I am going to pay for everything, regardless whether I asked her out or she asked me. If she wants to pay for her half, I let her. If she wants to pay for the whole thing, I let her do that too. She's an independent woman capable of making her own decisions. I'm not going to take that away from her.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


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    linking is offline Banned
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    Default Re: How do you work out who pays on dates?

    Oh and I agree with Cody about paragraphs.......I didn't even read it, just read meteoras post and the title and posted from that info...lol.

    Linking x

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    inter1010 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How do you work out who pays on dates?

    Hey Bud,

    I agree with cody on paragraphs haha!!!!

    Also, like others' advice, don't make it a big deal! You don't make it a big deal by going on cheap dates first. Quick drink, coffee, or ice cream. Then if you two connect and are headed to LTR or SEX you invite her out to dinner , then its ok to pay.

    Theres no rule to NOT PAYING for girls!!! ex. Whenever I go out with some friends and they bring a friend I don't know and were all getting hammered and the new guy instantly brings us a round , he dhv's himself in my eyes. I think the NO PAYING rule is for the newbies who go out to bars and open with "CAn I buy you a drink"? or get a day 2 and take the girls to a fancy dinner. Thats freaking weird!!! ...They put them on a pedestal before they even CONNECT!!

    So thats the consensus. Use your intuition and you'll feel if its ok to buy a girl your out with a drink or a sushi roll or whatever.

  8. #8
    SexualSorcerer333 is offline PUA Forums Banned
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    Default Re: How do you work out who pays on dates?

    Lol thanks everyone that is all really good input you totally answered my questions. Just to answer the question of whoever had asked who said it was a rule to not pay for anything before you have had sex with a woman, it was mystery, in the mystery method.

  9. #9
    SexualSorcerer333 is offline PUA Forums Banned
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    Default Re: How do you work out who pays on dates?

    ok so you think that meal dates should wait until after sex anyways? I mean those are the expensive dates. Everything else is generally cheap. A drink, coffee, a movie, anything really is going to be in the cheap realm. Now the girl I just went out to lunch with today I took to a kinda nice restaurant, one of those hip casual places, and I figured it was ok cause it was lunch, but it was a meal date so it wasnt exactly cheap in the end cause again I like to order a few different things to try and create an expereince for her. And it was also our second date however our first date was one of those epic dates that ended up lasting all night, like over 10 hours total, where we really hit it off and ended up at her place for the rest of the night and I was able to get us sexually up to the point of sex. I am actually in the process of moving right now and once I am set up at my new apartment I wanted to be able to just have her right over to fuck her, so I figured if I could get her on one more quick date to build some more rapport and sexual Tension and such and keep things moving and building that momentum while I move and get set up in my new apartment and I knew I wasnt going to have much time to see her but didnt want her interest to die out so I figured I could meet her for lunch. So again it was more of a logistical thing. But you guys say stay away from meal dates until after sex, and just do cheap or free things when on the first few dates. And never ask her to pay but accept money if she does? Because mystery used to suggest getting women to pay for you instead of you paying for them lol.

  10. #10
    SexualSorcerer333 is offline PUA Forums Banned
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    Default Re: How do you work out who pays on dates?

    Related issue. As long as we are talking about cheap or free dates, what do you do to make a date feel or seem lik ewhat women think of as a "real date" because I have some women who at some point will realize that I have never taken them out to dinner or anything and all of our dates h ave just basically been "hanging out" I guess and they will ask why I never take them out on a "real date" hahaha. So what can you do on creative or free dates, or dates that are just having her over to your place or going over to hers, feel and seem like a "date"? And if you are having her over to your place would it be too early to cook for her if you have only been on a couple dates or it is your second or third (or maybe first if you can get her to your apartment right off the bat and does happen)? Because if its considered creepy to take a woman to a nice romantic dinner would it be creepy to make her a nice dinner? I am a chef so when I cook it would always be considered "expensive gourmet" type of food. So Would it seem too early to make her nice food if she is at your place early in the dating, like its too romantic or too much bother for someone to be doing that early? Because that would be a great thing to use to make hanging out at home a "real date". First thing I could think of anyway.


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