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Thread: College success day 1 report + Need advice for ongoing depression

  1. #1
    peel is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default College success day 1 report + Need advice for ongoing depression

    Any decent advice appreciated
    Background: I had a milder form of this depression in middle and high school but come college it is a lot worse. Before college, I was just your mindless little boy feeling decent about the world. I would sit alone at school, have few friends, looked like a total nerd with the thick glasses, but I played video games and that satisfied me. I didnt give a crap.
    Come college, a girl shows interests, I am too shy and lack any skills to engage in conversation. She is friendly but leaves the times I try to converse since the convo dies cold in like one minute. At the end of the year, I find out she has been playing around with other guys the entire year and what we 'had' was nothing. This sent me on a spiral of depression sophomore year that lead to me just keep getting reminded every day about my lack of friends and girls, especially everytime I see a girl. I tried really hard with PUA but it just feels weird and school clubs or social game dont seem to work for me.

    Junior year of college f report:
    First day of school. I have decided to change. Ive tried hard in the past but the amount of people walking around is like no other place Ive been which cuts out a lot of old excuses. This still doesnt fix everything since I spent the whole of sophomore year trying to cold approach on campus for a couple hours every day and chickening out every day. The few times I did ended poorly either with me sensing not to ask for contact info or getting a No.
    Today was a success in my perspective but it still feels empty.
    I spent the first two hours of the day chickening out again. A lot of reasons popped up:
    -there are so many people around that will watch
    -if they see me rumors will spread? (despite it being a big state school)
    -they will be jealous or think Im very selfish for being so blunt and direct when they overhear my approach
    -the girl will definitely reject me. I feel like a 2/10 at times

    Heres where the best part of my story comes:
    I tell myself: NOT ANYMORE. YOUVE WASTED SO MANY YEARS OF YOUR LIFE. MAYBE WE SET OUR GOALS TOO HIGH. I WANT YOU TO STRAIGHT UP APPROACH ONE GIRL. JUST ONE. AND ITLL BE A SUCCESS FOR TODAY. PLEASE. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS TALK TO HER. YOU DONT HAVE TO HIT ON HER. NOTHING. JUST TALK TO HER AND BE HER FRIEND. PLEASE. YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS.
    I moped around for another hour. chickening out.
    I finally did it with a random girl sitting and reading. It went fairly well. But the convo ended kind of quick. I decided to leave to avoid awkwardness. I felt like I would be a sleeze if i asked for a number or anything because I started with telling her I just wanted to make a friend.
    I felt great but bad I didnt ask for a number. Im not a sleazy guy and I dont just want to hook up. I am a virgin but Im really looking for just a hot girl to hang out with really.
    BOOM.
    I do it again with probably an HB9.99999
    I didnt notice her hotness from the back that much. I pretended I knew her from somewhere. The conversation and her reaction and transition went surprisingly extremely well. Unfortunately, a few things happened:
    -I recognized her as a girl I had indirectly approached at a store a few years ago. She didnt recognize me because I was super indirect the whole time 'what price is this shirt?'
    -I remember her and she is like an HB 7-8 without makeup or clothing. But today she had it all put together so she was a HB9.9999 today in appearance but I still hate fake beauty and prefer natural beauty
    -The convo eventually died and she started feeling weird, annoyed, and bored. She looked like she was thinking 'he's only talking to me because Im hot' I quickly picked it up after I saw her expression and made it seem like I was really interested in just talking to her and stuff. Later I felt fake and empty for continuing the convo like this to her. How to fix?
    -I said goodbye and said I had to go and didnt ask for her number because I dont like fake beauty that much and it wouldve confirmed her suspicions and she might've denied me and remember this is a social environment. It might come back to bite me. Plus the sporadic silences told me we find eachother boring or some sh1t

    I had succeeded my goal of talking to a girl today! I spent another 1 hour walking around but couldn't bring myself to talk to another one.
    Here's how I feel after:
    -Empty. There's so many girls that I saw that may have been better personalities and outer appearance. Actually naturally beautiful girls. I feel I missed out today. Both girls I approached were not that great at all.
    -Fake. A big reason why I couldnt keep approaching girls after (other than already achieving my goal) was I didnt want to lie anymore and pretend to remember them to start a convo or put up this fake entertainer guy to keep a dead conversation going that's barely interesting. Direct approaches may solve this but they are risky and embarrassing.....
    -Sad. During all this, I bumped into a few people I had met before (males). One was nice enough to smile and greet me. Some others acknowledged me. Barely made an effort to converse and the convo died quickly. Maybe these guys arent my matches for 'friends' either. Maybe neither of us connect that well. Anyhow, I sat alone in the cafeteria for lunch again today. I was late so it was pretty empty save a few huge groups of white girls and jock white guys. I just feel so out of place if I tried sitting with them as a scrawny asian guy and I dont think we would mesh well personality-wise anyways or have any similar interests or things to talk about. This still made me so lonely when I sat and ate alone. I find a lot of people I meet I either dont like enough to be my friends or sometimes we both dont have enough in common to talk or anything.
    -A small bubble of happy/proud/decent - Im proud of my achievements and unfortunately I unloaded a deal of my frustration by jacking off which still wasnt that great since I kept thinking of how Id seen her without makeup and fancy clothes and she's like a HB 6 or 7 at best.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: College success day 1 report + Need advice for ongoing depression

    heres how you get rid of that empty feelin, you focus on a different fear than that of aa, you need to keep telling yourself "if i don't make the apraoch i'l never get any better and i'll be stuck by myself" as long as you are positive and don't offend her she'll always be positive back its just one of those rules of society, on the other hand if you are negative people won't want to be around you. just focus on opening and then ask them something about themselves or a class you have in common, listen to what she says and give some input. this will help you with the anxiety, after you've dealt with that then you can start trying to build attraction

  3. #3
    peel is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: College success day 1 report + Need advice for ongoing depression

    thanks I already kind of do that to defeat aa. I tell myself exactly that. My main goal is to find a noncreepy way to begin the interaction especially if theyre walking around. It cant be too indirect or direct and I cant be lying. I think my problem was being sad I approached what turned out to be girls that aren't my type and not even asking for any contact info when things went fairly well. I think I will be happy for once if I can find a girl I have no problems with. Someone whos ridiculously good looking on the outside, wants to hang out and keep the convo interesting. It would be really cool if I could just hold her and touch her. Im not too big on anything more anyways unless I feel she is worthy of my virginity. And I know Im thinking way in the future but I would feel bad for kicking my roommate out of the room or anything since he's always in there plus people would look at me poorly if I jumped around with lots of girls. So yeah...

  4. #4
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    Default Re: College success day 1 report + Need advice for ongoing depression

    Before I say anything else, just know you should be proud of yourself. Hell, I don't even know you and I'm proud of you! I've been in your shoes and I know how hard it is when you've just started being active in your social life. Talking to people is a hard skill to learn, but at the same time it's one of the most natural things in the world. We're made to talk to people, to be social and make connections. It's our shared destiny as humans. That said, when we don't talk to people it can make us feel like we're failures, that something's wrong with us. Believe me, I know that feeling, bro.

    Now I'm going to be a bit of a jackass....stop being a pussy. I know you hate being a pussy (I did) and it sure as hell isn't doing you any favors in any aspect of your life. So stop. I know what you're thinking, "Easier said than done." But just take a second to look back at your life and what wimping out has done for you over the years. Jack sh!t, right? And the sad truth is, that's all it'll ever get you unless you grow a pair. So get mad. Get really mad. Get angry at yourself and angry at your fear and angry at everyone who's ever brushed you off as unimportant and not worth their time cause you and I both know they couldn't be more wrong. You've got a hell of a lot to offer, and you know it. But you've got to show people. Use that anger to motivate you to fix it and put yourself out there so you don't have to feel that way anymore.

    Ok, that's taken care of. I want you to know I like the goals you're setting for yourself. You're diving straight into HB9s (and I don't care what she looks like when she just gets out of bed, when you approached her she was a 9 so you approached a 9). But nobody can jump in the water for the first time and swim a 400m. The truth of the matter is, you just need to talk to people. Not girls, not HBs, just people. Regardless of gender, age, race, income, shoe size, birthstone, favorite Bill Murray movie, or what they like on their hotdogs. Talk to everyone, especially people you'll never see again. Just be comfortable having a conversation. Trust me, very soon it'll just be something you do unconsciously. And it'll be fun. So tomorrow, go out and just aim to have a 5 minute conversation with 2 or 3 strangers. Do that for 2 or 3 weeks and talking to HBs will be second nature. And you'll have people you can sit with at lunch, people who will greet you on the sidewalk. You'll be amazed at how much better you feel.

    Now for some misc. tips...
    • Don't sell yourself short. When you accomplish something, be excited for yourself. Focus on what you did right, not what you did wrong.
    • Women are amazing. They're intriguing and exciting and, lets face it, beautiful. And each one's different. You need that Mindset. Stop pointing out their imperfections and start looking for their gifts. When you take a genuine interest in them, they'll take with you all day long.
    • Stop caring what other people think. No one's going to think you're a man whore if you're talking to girls (especially if you talk to everyone with an emphasis on girls). If anything, they'll think you're social. Honestly, most people are too wrapped up in their own conversations to remember if a guy across the room is talking to a girl. As long as you don't hump a girl in the cafeteria, you'll be fine.
    • Keep in mind that people love to talk, especially about themselves. Keep the conversation focused on them, let them know you relate to what they're saying, and be interested in them. This goes double for girls. Girls love to talk. If you start a conversation with them, especially if they're not doing anything else, they'll bite.


    Damn that was long. I hope you learn from my mistakes, Peel. College is an amazing opportunity to make friends. The most important thing you can Take Away from the next four years is social skills (I can't tell you how many reports I've read about how that's the #1 thing bosses look for in new hires...probably like 8). Just get motivated, put yourself out there, and you'll be amazed at how your life can change.

    Best of luck, man.
    Bandit.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “WOW...What a Ride!”

  5. #5
    peel is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: College success day 1 report + Need advice for ongoing depression

    Thanks bandit. Your post helped a lot. I dont get praise often so it means a great deal. Since my last post Ive actually approached 2 random dudes since no friends is another problem for me. The first went well and he seemed pretty cool but I felt like our conversation died quickly and I almost got bored? And neither of us could think of anything to say. This happens with a lot of people I meet so Im not sure if it's my own fault. I guess it partially is because sometimes you just have to be more interesting yourself. Other times I feel like there is no reason for me to continue or play the part of the entertainer for a person. The 2nd guy was nice but his expression was stone cold most of the time. His replies were curt but I finally got him somewhat interested and he asked me a question. I was in line so when I ordered my food he ordered his and left without saying anything which is kind of a d1ck move since I told him I wanted to be friends. He had this stone cold I dont care about you expression on his face most of the time so I guess sometimes people reject you. He seemed like a bit of a loser before I talked to him but I did it anyways. This is not to put him down; just an observation. I still feel kind of sad he pretty much rejected me. Thinking back, maybe he thought I was just striking up small talk so he felt no need to stay afterwards. This seems fine but if it were a girl that would be another matter if she just left afterwards and we never meet again

    As I type this I have to keep reminding myself theres plenty of girls out here so dont get too worked up about talking to a pretty girl and finding the conversation run dead (like today). It happens and there will be a girl who is interesting as well for you. (What do you guys think?)

    Lastly, I notice that people seem to coalesce naturally. They all seem to already have a group of friends even after leaving a class on the first day of school. I assume they signed up together. As for in the cafeteria, it seems they naturally already have some sort of social circle/group which seems to originate from their floormates in dorms or just friends of close friends. I dont really have this but we'll see what we can do. I did feel slightly better today walking around (and this corresponds with what you said Bandit) when I bumped into quite a few people I met last year through just random stuff like classes. It seems even with being a chump, you can still meet some friendly people who recognize you if you are nice and friendly.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: College success day 1 report + Need advice for ongoing depression

    you should try befriending people who sit near you in class, you can easily ask them about assignments and all but the most rude people will always give there two cents, (this is how i started having a few aquaintences on campus) also any clubs or meetings hosted by your college will help you to meet like minded people. you will be able to talk about the club and things you did to be involved in it. i'm not saying this will garanty bff's but it will allow you to meet more people and have some aquaintences

  7. #7
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    Default Re: College success day 1 report + Need advice for ongoing depression

    thanks good advice. not sure wat u meant by the rude people 2 cents comment though.
    I did talk to a few people in class last year and one girl was pretty ugly and ALSO was cold to me. She answered my questions but asked none of her own. She paused sometimes like she was annoyed and gave quick replies. Im thinking she was either a b1tch, not used to social interactions since she was ugly (no offense to her) and that was actually her friendly talk, or thought I was hitting on her so gave me the cold shoulder.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: College success day 1 report + Need advice for ongoing depression

    Quote Originally Posted by peel View Post
    thanks good advice. not sure wat u meant by the rude people 2 cents comment though.
    I did talk to a few people in class last year and one girl was pretty ugly and ALSO was cold to me. She answered my questions but asked none of her own. She paused sometimes like she was annoyed and gave quick replies. Im thinking she was either a b1tch, not used to social interactions since she was ugly (no offense to her) and that was actually her friendly talk, or thought I was hitting on her so gave me the cold shoulder.
    what i meant was that people are always willing to give their opinion unless they have a reason not to. also some girls are really shy and it may seem like they'r being cold nut once you get them warmed up to you they open up and will talk for hours. these girls are harder to game because they're usually recovering from some kind of emotional ordeal (like their last relationship) you have to be more confident and self assured to game them, don't worry most HB's are outgoing cause their hot and they know it!


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