About me:

Well first off I am extremely sarcastic.

I like to cause trouble. Not the serious kind of trouble so much -I have mellowed as i reach my peak years- more like getting a rise out of somebody. 'Hi Katie... Wow, these are nice shoes... they look so... hmmm... comfortable!' [cheshire cat smile and walk away].

People ask me what I like to do for fun... I ride surfboards on the roof of cars ; I set the future in-laws' kitchen on fire with homemade pyrotechnics ; I break the ribs of men twice my weight ; I throw toads into girls' toilet cubicles ; I snap the bra-straps of celebrities ; I run down the Grand Canyon and up again ; I venture into Chinese slums carrying my life savings in my pocket ; I have voice sex online with gay dudes (all the time hating it!) ; I wrestle wild dogs ; I write intellectual novels ; I take my dates to McDonalds in their best evening dress ; I model on the cover of magazines ; I gatecrash the summer olympics ; I p1ss in the church's font... O.o

I also read a lot. I f--king LOVE books. Vonnegut, Palahniuk, Hawthorne. All that sh-t. I read Tuesday's with Morrie the other day. It's a sad story, but I learned something about life, love, knowledge and the pursuit of something greater than myself. F--king smart. Do you like movies? I love them. We can watch the sh-t out of some movies together if you like, or go get drinks, or work out, hike, play video games or play a game of one-on-one basketball, or I don't have to talk to you at all. It's completely UP TO YOU!

Am I interested in hanging out with you? You can bet my goofy ass I am! I only require honesty and a fun personality. Other than that, anything else will be considered a convenient plus. I'm taking being a guy-friend to the next level. Email me! I'll hook yo ass up with Facebook links, background checks, credit reports, phone numbers, resumes, references, awards, sexual history, pictures of karate trophies and a list of the top 10 women I'd like to bang before I die. If you want a next-generation guy-friend who consistently blows your mind with awesomeness, then hit me up."

But to be serious my friends and my familly mean the world to me. I have a dog named Lucy that goes everywhere with me so if you don't like dogs and lint rollers I'm probably not the person for you.

First date:

I don't have sex on the first date, but if we're not actually dating, then it might be OK. I'm not for beginners, but I'm a good teacher. I don't have time for petty drama and emotional hysterics. I do what I want, when I want ; but I'm more of a giver than a taker. I simply like complicated women.

You should definitely message me if:
You have something interesting to say or discuss ; you are a genuinely good person ; or you are gorgeous. Ideally, you'd exhibit a combination of the three