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  1. #1
    Lex S is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Met in person, hooked up, only have her FB

    In another thread I mentioned the French-Canadian girl I picked up on Sunday night. This is actually the first time I managed to meet a complete stranger at a bar and bring her home without knowing her previously. And she was really gorgeous, I'd say an 8.5 or a 9.

    Anyway, after a long night of carnal knowledge we woke up the next morning and began chatting and decided to become Facebook friends (It's easier and there are no long-distance charges). I haven't spoken to her since, but she's "liked" several updates I've made.

    Now this may have been a one-time thing, since she lives in Montreal and I'm in NYC. But she makes the trip to NYC often (Sometimes several times a month) and implied that she'd like to meet up again and check the place out, since she had so much fun with me.

    So my question is, where to go from here? Should I get in touch? Leave the ball in her court and have her get in touch? Or just leave her alone since she's living in a different country? If I do get in touch, any thoughts on what I should say?

    (For reference, I'm a big fan of a Canadian TV show that she's never seen, so part of how I got her back to my place is I told her I have the DVD's and I'd throw them on. Needless to say we didn't really watch them. We also both dig a French singer she grew up adoring, and we spent some time singing his songs)

  2. #2
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Met in person, hooked up, only have her FB

    For sure keep in touch, if you had a good time and she visits NYC she can come and stay with you next time. She has already initiated contact by 'liking' your updates. Send her the odd message here and there to keep you in her mind and in a while you could push her 'when are you next coming to NYC!' encouraging her to try engineer a work trip to see you. You don't have to have a long distance 'relationship' because you have both defined it and are comfortable with it being a casual affair. If you dont do anything you run the risk of her assuming it was a ONS and she may not contact you when she visits nyc. A girl in every port as they say.

  3. #3
    Lex S is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Met in person, hooked up, only have her FB

    Hey Whitedragon, thanks for the advice! I agree about sending her a message every once in a while. I'm thinking of sending one soon - Any advice? I'm thinking some kind of inside joke or reference, maybe something related to the TV show or the singer I mentioned earlier? When we were at the bar we also met a guy with a dumb nickname that she kept making fun of, so I think my pet name for her could be this guy's dumb nickname, just for sh1ts n giggles.

    Also, interesting you say that her "liking" some statuses is a form of contact. I've been on dating advice forums where people claim that liking a status or photo you post isn't a form of contact. If not, then why would they take the time to do it? For reference, she liked 2 photos I posted of my new cat, who she met and played with for a bit before she left.

  4. #4
    Lex S is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Met in person, hooked up, only have her FB

    A little while ago I saw she was online on FB, so I sent her a quick IM. "Hey [nickname], what's good?". No response yet, though. Maybe ask if she made it in one piece? Or if the crappy bus service she used made it there in one piece?

  5. #5
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    Autismus is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Met in person, hooked up, only have her FB

    I would avoid using the nickname or referencing inside jokes or tv shows you've talked about. They aren't quite dlv or dhv, they're neutral content, and in this situation you need DHV to keep her staoked to visit. Really, those are good for rapport building, but your situation of being her "exotic" and exciting hook up when she comes to NYC is not a relationship within which rapport should be a councern (except when you're at a dinner or strolling or otherwise physically together).

    Send her something like
    "this amazing Cantonese restaurant just opened up that serves the most authentic food - all the ingrdients are imported from China! we're checking it out next time we hang"
    OR
    "Wow, a crazy homeless guy on the subway is playing the violin like a pro!" *send her a picture - she can't hear a picture *
    OR
    "So, in Montreal, are the squirrels at the park disturbingly aggressive in trying to steal scraps? Because that's the situation I've got here"

    Think of it like this: you don't need to build attraction to you. You need to build attraction TO NEW YORK. DHV for the city with its' quirky or luxurious or uncommon character traits and she'll want to visit there even more - and since YOU are the one always telling her about the awesome things in NYC, YOU will be the first person she calls to show her around when she cums to visit. >
    DTF HB's omw 2 LTR

  6. #6
    Lex S is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Met in person, hooked up, only have her FB

    Quote Originally Posted by Autismus View Post
    I would avoid using the nickname or referencing inside jokes or tv shows you've talked about. They aren't quite dlv or dhv, they're neutral content, and in this situation you need DHV to keep her staoked to visit. Really, those are good for rapport building, but your situation of being her "exotic" and exciting hook up when she comes to NYC is not a relationship within which rapport should be a councern (except when you're at a dinner or strolling or otherwise physically together).

    Send her something like
    "this amazing Cantonese restaurant just opened up that serves the most authentic food - all the ingrdients are imported from China! we're checking it out next time we hang"
    OR
    "Wow, a crazy homeless guy on the subway is playing the violin like a pro!" *send her a picture - she can't hear a picture *
    OR
    "So, in Montreal, are the squirrels at the park disturbingly aggressive in trying to steal scraps? Because that's the situation I've got here"

    Think of it like this: you don't need to build attraction to you. You need to build attraction TO NEW YORK. DHV for the city with its' quirky or luxurious or uncommon character traits and she'll want to visit there even more - and since YOU are the one always telling her about the awesome things in NYC, YOU will be the first person she calls to show her around when she cums to visit. >
    Great idea! I've only spoken to her once, just small talk about the night we met. She's still liking some status updates I'm making, so I guess that's a form of reaching out.

    I was actually thinking of telling her about last night. I went back to the bar I met her at (My usual Sunday night ritual), and about halfway through I started talking to the owner. He said it was cool to see me again, and he digs that I pretty much live there on Sundays, and he hooked me up with some free drinks. I was thinking of saying something like she missed a great time and a bunch of free drinks. I've also been told that it shows high value if you know the owner of a bar, or even the bartenders and bouncers. She said that next time she was in the city she wanted to go back to that place, so I guess it's a good way of pumping her up for the idea of going back and speaking well of NYC.

  7. #7
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Met in person, hooked up, only have her FB

    Just remember you have already slept with her so your value is still high. With distance and not seeing each other it's easy to slide back to being AFC. It's better to say less than more and if she is liking your status frequently you don't necessarily have to go out of your way to impress her because you can do that naturally via Facebook (pic of you and bartender uploaded etc). You can't force her back to NY and you don't want to exaggerate things too much. You're trying to ensure she is motivated to visit you again without becoming a burden. Retain some mystery. You could even do this directly 'when are you visiting me again?' or flip the cards on her 'do you miss me?'. Rather than spin backwards to where you met, or nicknames, bring up highly emotional intimate things because you did share them. 'send me a pic...I miss your sexy eyes', 'if you're bored at work, imagine me softly kissing your whole body', 'I'm trying to concentrate on work but I keep thinking about your legs wrapped around me'.

  8. #8
    Lex S is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Met in person, hooked up, only have her FB

    Quote Originally Posted by whitedragon View Post
    Just remember you have already slept with her so your value is still high. With distance and not seeing each other it's easy to slide back to being AFC. It's better to say less than more and if she is liking your status frequently you don't necessarily have to go out of your way to impress her because you can do that naturally via Facebook (pic of you and bartender uploaded etc). You can't force her back to NY and you don't want to exaggerate things too much. You're trying to ensure she is motivated to visit you again without becoming a burden. Retain some mystery. You could even do this directly 'when are you visiting me again?' or flip the cards on her 'do you miss me?'. Rather than spin backwards to where you met, or nicknames, bring up highly emotional intimate things because you did share them. 'send me a pic...I miss your sexy eyes', 'if you're bored at work, imagine me softly kissing your whole body', 'I'm trying to concentrate on work but I keep thinking about your legs wrapped around me'.
    Hah hah, I like those ideas but they may be a bit direct - I'm more of a fan of Indirect Game as I've had the most success with it. But I like the idea of escalating things to talking about the present/future rather than the past.

    And here's a thought - Should I be the one actively doing all the initiating of conversations, or should I leave the ball in her court for a bit? Sure, she's liked some statuses of mine, but she still hasn't initiated any IM's. I've IMed her once and we had a short conversation since we met.

  9. #9
    Lex S is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Met in person, hooked up, only have her FB

    So I had a couple more FB interactions with her last night. I noticed that pretty much anything she "likes" or comments on is related to my new kitten, which I got the day before I met her. When I brought her back she wanted to see the kitten and played with him a bit. She also stuck around a bit the next morning to play with him. I wonder if she just gets in touch because she likes the kitten (And really, who doesn't like kittens?).

    So yesterday I saw she posted a status saying "Can someone take me out apple picking and drink cider with me? Please?"

    I commented on that status with one word: "Nope!"

    She responded: "Booooooo!!! But I want to pet your cat!"

    I responded: "I dunno, the cat says he more of a fan of oranges. It just wouldn't work out."

    Playful banter, but again she wouldn't shut up about the cat. But I wonder if that's a hook I can use to potentially get her back over if she visits NYC again. And outside NYC there's plenty of awesome apple orchards to check out. Just a thought.

  10. #10
    Lex S is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Met in person, hooked up, only have her FB

    It's been about a month, so here's an update - She and I still talk every once in a while, and it's been going pretty well. She's also been liking and commenting on a lot of my statuses I post. Most recently I posted that I was watching horror movies and eating pizza. She commented "Can I come over??? I'll bring 40's and cookies!" (A reference to the food we got at the convenience store when I brought her back to my place).

    So far she's initiated about 50% of our IM conversations. I initiated our penultimate conversation, in response to her wanting to come over with 40's and cookies. We chatted a bit, and I mentioned I was getting ready to kick Hurricane Sandy's ass (I live in NYC, and the forecast said we were going to get pounded by it). The next night, during the storm, she IMs me to make sure I'm alright. I joked and said I died twice that night, but I'll feel better. We got to chatting, and I brought up New York. She won't be here again until late December, but we talked about meeting up again.

    It's funny, I'm notorious for going out with girls and never hearing from them after the first date, even if they're hideous. Yet here I am, 2 months after banging a girl who was about an 8.5 or a 9, still in contact with her and talking about meeting up again. It's like Bizarro World!


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