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  1. #1
    batsy is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Meeting after radio silence

    Hi all,

    My first post here. Currently going through something that I'm bit of struggling to figure out so I stumbled here and decided to ask you guys your opinion. Sorry that its gonna be a long one.

    I had met this woman a couple of times before via common friends and even though we had definite chemistry since the first moment I was aware that she had a long-time boyfriend and I didn't make anything out of it. During the summer we happened both to attend a common 2-day trip with a large group of mutual friends which somehow ended in a nightclub and her leaving my hotel room early in the morning. The next day she organized herself alone with me to sit in a park while other friends did their own thing for a couple of hours. We talked and had a good time until we met with the rest of the group. The boyfriend did not come up once even though I knew he was there.

    I was not proud of what was happening, I never mix it with taken women. However, this time I decided to break my own rules and just go with. I decided to call her week after the trip and ask her for a drink which she accepted with enthusiasm. We started to see each other irregularly, from once in a two weeks to multiple times per week for the next three months. The chemistry was there and we had a good time. Of course the boyfriend, who she was living with came up when arranging time and other discussions. I learned that she was not happy with him and wanted to move out. I just kinda shrugged it off as you do hear this once in a while. Shortly after she called me that she had been seeing a flat and seriously considers moving there. This surpised me but I still didn't think anything about it. About two weeks after she told me that she has signed the contract and told her boyfriend that she is moving out. Things continued for few weeks as they were until one evening when she was at my place on the bed she stopped me during foreplay and we had a little discussion which I wasn't too happy with. She said that she could leave if I wanted her to. I replied by saying that she's free to go if she so wishes, that I'm not holding anybody here against their will. She collected her things and went home.

    Now, the next aftenoon I called her (mistake) as I had started to develop feelings for her. She didn't answer right away but called me back twice inside 10 minutes. I waited for 20 and called back. We had a short discussion and I was 50-50 to call it quits in the end but she beat me to it and said that she wanted to have a break for a bit more than a month until she's moving out. I told her that I don't deal with breaks as they are never breaks, but final. I again didn't believe a word but out of curiosity asked how she thought this through. Simple, no contact until she has moved. She assured to me that she wants to see me again and I should call her when she has moved. I replied by saying that I'm not going to call her again and it's up to her to call and if she does we'll see how things are (and implied I might not want to see her again, which was true). Shortly after a call she sent a text saying that she really wants to see me again. I didn't respond.

    I didn't really think I would hear from her again. But I gave it a very small chance as she is very consistent with speech and actions. If she says something she also does it, so far. However, I minded my own business and did my own things and gave her the space she asked.

    Fast forward bit over a month, I made no contact with her nor any of her friends, complete radio silence. On the moving day at 5pm she sent a text asking if I want to visit her after work and see her new flat (I finish working at 5 and she knows this). I declined but made a counter-offer for two days later stating that now is not a good time, even though I had nothing to do. I just didn't want to appear like I've been waiting for her contact for weeks. She accepted.

    I met her at the flat and, she offered me a beer we talked for like one and a half hours, she showed me around and so on. We laughed, had a good time but she kept her physical distance. I didn't really expect anything from this meeting anyway so I was kind of indifferent. It was a bit late already and she said that she has to unpack a couple of more boxes before her mother is coming to visit tomorrow. I took this a sign to leave and she walked me off to the bus stop and waited with me. Her body language was kinda off the whole time, there was no touching and a bit of avoiding eye contact from her behalf while we were sitting on the sofa. A lot of hair playing though. Based on this I did not perform any physical advances, just wished her good night when my bus came and hopped in. She stood next to the stop waving through the window as I sat down.

    However this continued to trouble me and two days later I spontaneously called her up to see if she would like to have a after work drink as she was leaving for a holiday abroad the next day (probably another mistake). She had job business to attend to but made a counter-offer and we agreed to meet at her place later and go to have a drink nearby. She asked if I'm seeing anyone and I told her that its none of her business with a smile. Then she said it would be "funny" if I would have a girlfriend now that she was single. I have dodged all her inquiries about other women the whole time. She does not know if I've had other women or not during the whole time. Only thing she knew was that I'm single.

    We had few drinks and went to have a tea at her flat. She was cheerful and interested but again kept her physical distance. She brought up upcoming Christmas and busted me about buying her a lot of gifts. Naturally I playfully told her to keep on dreaming. While sitting at the sofa our arms touched and she actually moved her hand. I took this as a very bad sign. Shortly after, it was 11pm and she asked if I'm not tired which, again, I took as a sign to leave. She walked me to the stop again. During the walk I confronted her about her being so distant and gave a chance to talk. She didn't seem comfortable with the topic but when pressing a bit, she said she doesn't really feel yet like single and is not ready spend the night with me yet (she brought this up) and has difficulties to process the whole situation. She also let me know that she's not seeing anybody else (again, I didn't ask). Shortly after this I decided to test the waters and went in for a kiss as it was kinda romantic setting and we were standing alone at a quiet street and she had positioned herself close and was looking into my eyes. She dodged it and tried to hug me instead and I withdrew immediately.

    Now, she was in a relationship for years, recently moved out and is single for the first time for a very long time. I acknowledge this and told her that I understand her situation but there should be at least some physical buying signals despite all of this. Also told her upfront that I'm not going to be her friend to which she replied that she doesn't meet her friends on Thursday at 11pm.

    She also implied that she wants to meet me when she returns from her trip but didn't mention anything definitive nor did I. My bus came and before hopping in I said good night and told her to stay in touch in case she feels ready for it. She yelled after me that she will.

    Now, obviously I decided to go into a full NC mode. If she wants space, fine. She kept talking about future activities but said she is not ready. As I mentioned earlier, she is very consistent. But after the break, not. Prior the break our relationship was very physical but now I'm sensing a shift towards more of a dating zone (or no zone at all). Am I daydreaming here? She accepts or counter-offers all my invitations and makes contact, too. She inquires me about my life and if I'm seeing somebody. She never cancels on me, offers to pay stuff when we're together and is giving in all ways. Is she a lost case or does she just need time to settle with the new life? In case she needs more, what is the correct play here when she'll contact me? Or is she just being lonely here and using a body to keep company? I'm more interested about a real relationship than just a physical one here. Recent break-up has its effects of course and I don't really want to end up being a rebound. She says she doesn't feel single yet and therefore acts physically distant but was physical with me before the break. What does this mean?

    Would really appreciate your opinions.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Meeting after radio silence

    No no NO!! STOP IT!! Lol.

    I'm going to take a couple of jabs at you, but I have the best intentions. Also keep in mind that this is just my opinion and by no means does it mean I'm correct. Although I'm confident I am lol.

    You are letting her lead WAY too much about your relationship together. If she is ready, then your ready. If she isn't ready, then you pretend to not be interested.

    When she said that if you wanted her to leave that she would, you should've just told her "No! You ain't going anywhere missy. How else am I suppose to get a sandwich!?" That was a Sh1t Test and you failed.

    You should have intiated Kino and stop waiting for a clear sign. She probably moved her arm when you two touched because she didn't want to make YOU uncomfortable. But because you aren't being confident with her you interpreted it as a "bad" sign. Any human lie detector knows that you can't take ONE thing and make a judgement about someone. You look at the whole picture.

    My current gf would stay away and have her arms crossed when I got near her. Did I NOT touch her because of this? NOPE. I kept pushing until she got comfortable enough with me. I realize it's because she's a bit shy and I can be a strong presence, so possibly intimidating. Lead her and be a man!

    You should have NOT brought up her awkward physical distance. That just makes things......awkward lol. It's not surprising she dodged a random kiss. I don't care what she says about "not feeling single" yet. She obviously left HIM and not the other way around, and she even hung out with YOU personally....and alone! She's ready! You just have to show her that by leading her.

    You GOTTA have more confidence my friend. She is giving you a lot of signs, but obviously isn't a leader and keeps giving you these opportunities to lead her and you don't. It's like when two cars come to a stop and their trying to figure out who should go first and you end up being stuck in the same spot for 5 min. I would just said "fark that" and just GO!

    So summary......underst and that she DOES want you, but you have to be confident and not apologize for what you want and just go for it.

    P.S. Love the screen name
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  3. #3
    batsy is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Meeting after radio silence

    Think you have some wise words in there. Now that I think of it, I won her over in the first place by acting like you stated but lately went into pussy mode. That's true I see that now.

    As you seem to have a grasp on this, tell me your thoughts about how to continue while she is abroad for a week? Not to make contact until she gets back and then take what I want?

    Good point with the test too, did not see that coming. Thanks.

  4. #4
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Meeting after radio silence

    You two already have the dynamic that she has no problem contacting you when she says she's going to. So I think you can afford NC for the week. Then when she gets back, just go get her.

    I know it's important to pay attention to her body language so you can read her, but so many things can be misread so easily that it's just better to lead her the way you want things to go and she will naturally follow. So if she seems a bit physically distance, first you want to always assume attraction and realize that she likes you, but she's shy and wants you to lead. You got this man! She really does like you for sure.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  5. #5
    batsy is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Meeting after radio silence

    You're saying i could afford NC for the week. It sounds a bit negative somehow. What I was thinking was that I would just take initiative here already by sending a text stating nothing else than be there and there at this time (after she has returned). And after that go NC unless she decides to share something during the trip.

    Yes, she has no problem contacting me if I want to lead I shouldn't wait for her, right? Or is this too eager?

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Meeting after radio silence

    Honestly I think you could go either way. But your usual MO is that you let her come to you so you can still do that if you are more comfortable. I also think taking initiative and setting up plans is also a good choice, but if you don't usually do that then it might throw her off. Which could be good for you, or bad. For now though you may want to play it safe until you see her in person.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  7. #7
    batsy is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Meeting after radio silence

    Decided to go with the initiative. Got pretty instant "booked my calendar" reply.

    Thanks for the advice, good stuff. I'm on the right path again.

    Much appreciated.


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