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  • 1 Post By whitedragon

Thread: How do I handle this (girlfriend checking out another guy)?

  1. #1
    PumpingIron is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default How do I handle this (girlfriend checking out another guy)?

    I was out with my girlfriend (of 9 months) on Saturday night (both in love with each other). We were walking to a club and we walk past a guy, I catch her checking him out hard. Whatever. We go into the club, we're dancing. Next thing I know I see the guy in the club and he is standing behind me. I constantly see my girl checking him out while we're dancing. I know it's natural to look, but to constantly check him out like that? It was pissing me off. Now, I obviously do not have irrefutable proof that she was checking him out constantly there. Maybe she was just looking around. But I am pretty damn sure that was what was happening.

    Now, I don't know if I handled this right, but after a while of it happening I just turned away from her and started walking towards a group of girls there dancing. She comes up behind me and grabs me and pulls me back towards her and starts kissing me. This was probably the wrong move seeing as we're in a long term relationship so we should be able to talk things out. But it does kind of confirm her checking him out. As if she realized she got caught and saw that I was pissed about it and about to go talk to other girls.

    We never talked about it Saturday and we also didn't talk about it Sunday. Is there anyway to bring this up without coming across as petty and insecure? It's bothering me a lot that she did this.

  2. #2
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How do I handle this?

    You don't check out girls??? She's free to look around. Maybe she thought she knew the guy...maybe he had an aura about him she couldn't resist...maybe it was me winking at her. You dont know unless you talk about it. But you can't be too possessive, mad or reactionary. You're at a club, she's gonna check out guys even if she says she doesn't and even if you dont see her do it. And you will (and did) too. That's life. What are you going to do blind fold her?

    Just ask her on the spot 'hey who's that guy? You keep looking at him' and remain calm next time.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: How do I handle this?

    Honestly I think you handled it well. You didn't overreact. You punished her with your body language versus your words. She responded positively to it. And to top if off you haven't talked about it. My friend...you just had an argument with your bodies and you don't realize it. Bringing it up would only reiterate what you basically said with your body. If she does it again do the same thing, but only after you ask her "Hey who's that guy" just like Whitedragon suggested. One of my wishes is that one day I can have a whole conversation with a woman with just our bodies. No words. And you basically just did it.

    P.S. I don't think it's the best idea to go to a club with your partner. But just my personal opinion.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

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    PumpingIron is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How do I handle this?

    Quote Originally Posted by whitedragon View Post
    You don't check out girls??? She's free to look around. Maybe she thought she knew the guy...maybe he had an aura about him she couldn't resist...maybe it was me winking at her. You dont know unless you talk about it. But you can't be too possessive, mad or reactionary. You're at a club, she's gonna check out guys even if she says she doesn't and even if you dont see her do it. And you will (and did) too. That's life. What are you going to do blind fold her?

    Just ask her on the spot 'hey who's that guy? You keep looking at him' and remain calm next time.

    There is a line to be drawn. She WILL check out other guys even when she's with me, yes. And I won't care. But to make it so blatant and obvious is distasteful and disrespectful to me. When it's done the way she did it, I care.

  5. #5
    ridemyr1 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How do I handle this?

    I hear both sides of the discussion on this and I feel you bro.

    At the end of the day its gonna happen but in a sense you reminded her of something, that you can fish at will. In a sense you told her with your actions not to take you for granted and not to pull that shit on you. Women are weird bro, sometimes they just want to be put in their place, to be reminded that their man can and will at the drop of a dime walk on them. This reminds them that they have a good man and they need to hold on to him.

    In a sense you must also remember this. Women will never, EVER stop testing you. In relationships, marriage it doesnt matter. They will test you. Its healthy for both of you.

    Think of this scenario. I will assume that she noticed you caught her starring. So when it happened again she was testing to see what her man will do. You hae options here. To be a dick, to become jealous, confrontational and so on. All of these have a potential of backfiring depending on the situation so it is imperative to remain cool and calibrate. Dont allow your emotions to take over and I say this because sometimes they will want their man to be jealous.

    Anyway, I think you did well. You didnt flip out and instead its like you told her, ok you wanna play me like a chode? Dont forget your man can do this! And you showed her that you can leave and find another. She respinded by reclaiming her man. This is good in my opinion. You told your woman that you are still an alpha male that can have any other woman and she isnt the only in the world. So it reminds her to not take you for granted.

    Again dude women will continue to test you. Its healthy. Its a subconcious behavior that you cant stop. All your woman wants is to be reminded that she has a great man. She will test your frame to make sure you are still the same dude she fell in love with and so on. So give her what she wants and dont become a confrontation, emotional lacking chode. This is where most guys fail. I know because I used to be married and blah blah log story.

    Trust me dude. Brush it off, dont adress it. It was a mini battle and you won. Touche sir!
    To my bros who served with me.
    "When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.


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