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Thread: Hot & Cold - what to do??

  1. #1
    american_nub is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Hot & Cold - what to do??

    hey guys, hit a spot and not sure where to go from here.

    Long story short, met a girl at a club (she's 20 I'm 24), had a good night, made out all night. Went our own way home that night. Went on a fair few dates. LOTS of texts (1000 per week roughly). She told her friends I was her boyfriend (even though nothing was official), introduced me to everyone she knew, etc.

    The first things that started confusing me were how she acted differently in front of her friends. She acted as if I wasn't there or she'd rather be with her friends. This was only while she had been drinking. When it was just her and I it was fine. We'd been dating around 5 weeks or so, things were going pretty well. She only really wanted to see me on weekends and occasionally during the week which seemed a little odd. She is a shy person however and gets nervous easily.

    I'd also found out shortly after I'd met her she had just come out of a relationship (under 12 months) but it apparently ended badly. At the time she said she just didn't want to rush things because she was scared of being hurt again. It's now been 3 months since her breakup.

    Anyway, eventually i got sick of games she started to play recently - going hot & cold - so I decided to stop seeing/texting her. She said it was because she isn't sure she's ready for a relationship because she's still hurt from the past ones - Not sure if it's a brush off or true. I did originally meet her just 3 weeks after the break up however. So I pretty much told her when she knows what she wants to come and find me. Shortly after this she had a facebook status saying how she was upset etc etc etc. Anyway, I'd stopped messaging for a week when she initiated contact again, sending lots of flirtly messages. We'd organised another meet the following week (i'm willing to take things slow only because its not often i find somebody I really like). The past weekend I said I was going out clubbing on the friday night with my mates and it was extremely evident she got the s**ts about it, even though we weren't dating anymore and signals were completely mixed. The saturday night she wanted me to meet her out clubbing but I didn't go out. Ever since, all messages have been short, with no goodnight msgs at all (first 2 nights ever none have been sent lol). Messages seem to have gone cold.

    So pretty much I'm not sure where to head from here, it's driving me insane. Any help or suggestions will be appreciated!!

    Peter.

  2. #2
    daltonbrayall is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Hot & Cold - what to do??

    heres whats going on here. its happened to the best of us so dont get down on yourself. the first problem is that from the get go you werent alpha enough, but it wouldnt have mattered much if you would have or not anyways because the reason she is with you and bringing around her friends and everybody else she knows is to try to prove to them that she is doing fine after her break up and that she is moving on even though she is clearly telling you that shes not fine and shes not over it, just give it time, maybe Freeze Out, become more alpha and text her a lot less, and keep more options
    If i get a guy some a$$, he gets it for a day; if i teach him how to get it for himself, he's tappin forever

  3. #3
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    flyer1 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Hot & Cold - what to do??

    One of the things as pua's or aspiring pua's is that we get caught up with one girl after a meet at the club or whatever and although we just want to go for the close and you know what close I mean somehow we are developing relationship feelings for someone we hardly know or just met instead of dating multuple girls to find out which one is right for us. If girls can date more than one guy to explore their options why can't men do the same. Although we want to be alpha males guys are still holding on to the beta Mindset. Limit the texting and explore your options you don't have to give her up as a potential partner but in the meantime until she knows what she wants have fun with other girls.

  4. #4
    daltonbrayall is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Hot & Cold - what to do??

    its not a bad thing to develope attatchments to certain girls, even as an experienced pua you do it every once in a while, sometimes there is just that one thing that sets a girl aside from the rest, the only bad thing about it is that you do without thinking and it never works out well
    If i get a guy some a$$, he gets it for a day; if i teach him how to get it for himself, he's tappin forever

  5. #5
    american_nub is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Hot & Cold - what to do??

    Thanks for the replies.. I did close on the 1st date so no problem there.

    Hasn't been any texts for a few days, not sure how long to even Freeze Out for and not initiate any messages if she doesn't send anything. Really not sure how to play it as I don't really want to lose out on her but I still want to stay in her mind. But I guess if it's going to work out in the end then it will no matter what I do now... Just sucks it's come at the worst possible timing!

  6. #6
    american_nub is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Hot & Cold - what to do??

    so after a week of no contact, we were both out last night and she begged and pleaded i see her for a bit. after 4 hours of pleading i gave in and caught up with her. Things went alright, i was pretty much pulling the entire time and pushed slightly every now and then. At the end of the night, I dropped her off home and she wanted/pleaded me to stay but I thought better of it. I'm definitely on top of the game right now after last night but not really sure how i should take it from here...

    I'm thinking i'm just going to try distance myself like I have the past week and make her work for any contact we have. I'm definitely not being easy this time round, first bitten twice shy.

  7. #7
    daltonbrayall is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Hot & Cold - what to do??

    dont make it too hard, not all girl like to work for it.
    If i get a guy some a$$, he gets it for a day; if i teach him how to get it for himself, he's tappin forever

  8. #8
    valentineover is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Hot & Cold - what to do??

    Definately distance yourself. The issue to me sounds like you were texting to much. I try to limit texting to either organize a date, or organise a phone call (to organize a date)

    It will be hard but just blank her for the next five or so days. Shes young - your the cool older guy. She will text - trust me. If she doesn't I will post a picture of me eating my hat!

    EDIT: Only read the first post. The Freeze Out worked. I don't have to eat my hat. SWEET.

    She wants to see you man, give the girl some attention! You can't game constantly you have to be a person once you have their attention!

  9. #9
    daltonbrayall is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Hot & Cold - what to do??

    I disagree, don't give her that much attention, freezing out is what worked, don't change that much, don't be too available, talk to her but not constantly and not about anything in specific, keep conversation topics limited to things that wont get too deep, save that stuff for a first date
    If i get a guy some a$$, he gets it for a day; if i teach him how to get it for himself, he's tappin forever

  10. #10
    daltonbrayall is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Hot & Cold - what to do??

    Keep her begging and pleading, you wanna keep the ball in your Court and not to mention she will want you if you are unavailable like you have been lately, but don't make it too difficult
    If i get a guy some a$$, he gets it for a day; if i teach him how to get it for himself, he's tappin forever


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