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  • 1 Post By Autismus
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Thread: Questions about dominance

  1. #1
    GreatDane is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Questions about dominance

    Wow I wrote a novel of a post but realized I wouldn't want to read such a monster myself so I'll try and boil it down a little bit.

    Where does a guy cross the line from being the dominant leader to a controlling douche in a relationship? I ask because I've been a beta for most of the last 22 years and I'm having moral difficulties in my mind about becoming a dominant, leader type person.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Questions about dominance

    IMO - a leader is someone who directs themself and looks out for others - thus because others feel safe around him (or her) they follow / ask for guidance.

    - a douche is someone who reacts to his (or her) environment and attempts to control those who are "weaker" - thus out of fear and/or avoidance of discomfort others comply.
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  3. #3
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    Default Re: Questions about dominance

    (Credit David X)

    You want to be in control, but not controlling. She can do whatever she wants, but that doesn't mean you'll be there when she gets back. You do what you want. If she's not okay with that, say you're sorry she feels that way and that you understand if she wants to leave, but you're still going to do it anyway because you're a man and that's what you do.

    You want control? Do what you want to do, say what you want to say, and never EVER give in to a woman. Be painfully honest with her. If she doesn't like it she can walk.
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    Virgil is offline Moderator / PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Questions about dominance

    The dominant leader will express his desires and do what he wants, but will respect a 'no'. Also, he's not jealous when a girl hangs out with other guys. Controlling douches won't respect a 'no' and act on their jealousy. Basically you should just lead her, but leave her free to do whatever she likes. If she follows, you're gold.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Questions about dominance

    A lot of guys don't understand the difference between being "Dominant" & "Domineering"... . And that's when they end up becoming controlling douches.

    Just as the 3 guys above me mentioned - Dominant Alpha males are confident, respectful & thoughtful.

    They provide safety & security and will take (and accept) responsibility for the things they should.

    A dominant man will be the provider / protector, showing compassion.

    A controlling douche thinks, "It's MY way... or else."



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  6. #6
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    Default Re: Questions about dominance

    yes totally agree here with everyone be polite and respectful towards her if she chooses to follow u and except u as her leader thats cool if not thats okay too.
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    Default Re: Questions about dominance

    Basically, i always look at it from the opposite. What makes a person not dominant?

    A few things is bending to the will of others without good reason... asking for approval (are u having fun? Would u like to go there tomorrow night?)... not expressing yourself unless u are sure others feel the same.

    All these things signify weakness but you dont have to go to the extreme opposite (aka being a douche).

    Set up activities you would like to do, invite her. Dont change your plans because she doesnt like them. If she comes, assume she is having fun (and have fun yourself). If she is not, she will let u know. If she wants to do something different, make her convince u... do it because its a good idea, not to make her happy. If she says something you dont agree with, tell her! If it was a friend, u wouldnt hold back. Also, dont be afraid to tease her as u would a good friend.

    Dominance is about being yourself and NOT CHANGING BECAUSE A CUTE GIRL WANTS U TO. You must always value your time and your preferences (ex. Not taking her out because you want to watch the championship game.)
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
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