Re: Looking for some constructive criticism
I'm going to be brutally honest with you. This profile is terrible. But I am here to help!
Completely delete the intro. It DLVs you into oblivious, and here’s why: it reeks of insecurity. You are a strong, confident man who is looking for beautiful women! But your intro sounds like you are unsure. Also, never put that you have trouble finding women! They will automatically pick up on this and think “Why does he have trouble picking up women?” and they will pass you over in a heartbeat. An online profile is no place for weakness or insecurity!
What you want instead is a catchy opener. Something to pass the fabled three second rule: you have only three seconds to catch a women’s attention or they move on. Crack a joke. Be witty. Say something they would never really expect from you!
Now for your main paragraph: from a women’s point of view, this tells me nothing. You see, women learn best from stories and anecdotes, not a long list of adjectives. So follow the writing rule, don’t tell, show! (in PUA terms demonstrate social value) You say you are funny, yet there are no jokes in your profile. Throw them in!!! As the other stuff, pick only 2-3 things and tell a story about them. For example, tell about the time your dog did something crazy, what you and your gay friends do on a Friday night, or how you broke down during Shawshank redemption and had to eat ice cream or something. When you write these stories out, make sure to engage as many of her senses as possible. Include smell, touch, taste, as many as possible. Finally, shorten up your profile.
Now as for the women you are looking for, it’s all cliqued information. Of course every guy wants to have a fun loving girl who is down to Earth, of course no-ones wants drama. Instead, you should show specificity and humor in this part. Say something funny like: “If you have like 30 exes lying in the dust behind you, we might have some problems!”
For the final bit, get rid of the happy fishing and end with an even better joke.
This was harsh but trust me it’s going to help you so much.
"My enemies are advanced, bold, intelligent and powerful. But I am evolved"