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  • 1 Post By TomInVegas

Thread: Struggling building comfort and rapport

  1. #1
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Struggling building comfort and rapport

    Hi,

    I seem to be doing pretty well with my openers but once they run their course I tend to struggle and shift into boring AFC conversation again. I tend to keep asking boring questions, what do you do? favourite film?

    Is it ok to just ask these sort of questions within a larger conversation and try to hook off them e.g

    "so what's your favourite movie? points will be awarded if the answer isn't twilight"

    Also how would I transition this and escalate it to a more sexual conversation?

    This seems to be my largest sticking point right now.

    I can manage it on some girls but not on others. For instance: I called one girl boring and she said "well what are you gonna do about it?" I came back with "well miss sassy pants I'm gonna put you over my knee... That's what!"

    number closed soon after.

  2. #2
    xavier's Avatar
    xavier is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Struggling building comfort and rapport

    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Struggling building comfort and rapport

    Once you build the attraction & it's time to go into rapport, a great technique for this is to tell a quick story about an event that relates to when you were younger, & how it still affects you to this day.

    Example:
    When I was a little kid, I always got super excited whenever I found money! Like, I'd be with my parents at the grocery store & find a penny in the middle of an aisle.
    It would make me soooo happy I would literally jump up & down While I told my Mom & Dad how I was going to save it in my piggy bank & be rich!
    So whenever I'm at the store nowadays, if I see a penny on the floor, it reminds me of those times when I was younger; and for a couple moments I feel that same excitement because of the memories.

    The important thing here is to make sure you use the "I" perspective, & not the "you" perspective.

    A lot of people make the mistake of trying to relate an event like this, by saying, "You know how when you were a kid & you went to the store with your parents... and you find money on the floor, so you get all excited..." etc.

    In the first example, you're opening up & allowing yourself to become more vulnerable by sharing your personal experience & feelings related to the topic. (AND it's more interesting..)

    THAT is how you can build deep rapport very quickly.

    In the second example, the other person will be at least subconsciously thinking, "Do I really feel that way? Is that really true about me? I don't know if I actually relate to that or not".. etc.

    So you're NOT going to build the rapport by using the "you" perspective.



    Give that a shot next time.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  4. #4
    sedux is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Struggling building comfort and rapport

    Quote Originally Posted by T-Mal View Post
    Once you build the attraction & it's time to go into rapport, a great technique for this is to tell a quick story about an event that relates to when you were younger, & how it still affects you to this day.

    Example:
    When I was a little kid, I always got super excited whenever I found money! Like, I'd be with my parents at the grocery store & find a penny in the middle of an aisle.
    It would make me soooo happy I would literally jump up & down While I told my Mom & Dad how I was going to save it in my piggy bank & be rich!
    So whenever I'm at the store nowadays, if I see a penny on the floor, it reminds me of those times when I was younger; and for a couple moments I feel that same excitement because of the memories.

    The important thing here is to make sure you use the "I" perspective, & not the "you" perspective.

    A lot of people make the mistake of trying to relate an event like this, by saying, "You know how when you were a kid & you went to the store with your parents... and you find money on the floor, so you get all excited..." etc.

    In the first example, you're opening up & allowing yourself to become more vulnerable by sharing your personal experience & feelings related to the topic. (AND it's more interesting..)

    THAT is how you can build deep rapport very quickly.

    In the second example, the other person will be at least subconsciously thinking, "Do I really feel that way? Is that really true about me? I don't know if I actually relate to that or not".. etc.

    So you're NOT going to build the rapport by using the "you" perspective.



    Give that a shot next time.
    Excellent post! Especially important online, where the only thing you have to express is text. Besides the alpha traits that are a bit of a challenge to the girls, you need to show your "human" side and using emotional triggers in story telling is exactly how you do it. This shows depth and makes you being perceived a real man instead of an asshole.

    Thanks,
    sedux

  5. #5
    TomInVegas's Avatar
    TomInVegas is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Struggling building comfort and rapport

    Quote Originally Posted by sidewinder89 View Post
    Hi,

    I seem to be doing pretty well with my openers but once they run their course I tend to struggle and shift into boring AFC conversation again. I tend to keep asking boring questions, what do you do? favourite film?

    Also how would I transition this and escalate it to a more sexual conversation?
    After an an opener I immediately transition into an open ended question that lets me know more about her and lets me break rapport with her right off the bat. An example of an open ended question I use in Vegas a lot is "Where are you from ?" because we have a lot of tourists here.

    Withing the first five minutes of the conversation I will ask a number of logistical questions, but make them seem conversational in nature. I don't ask them one right after another, but when they seem appropriate. Such as "Who did you come out with tonight ?", "How do you guys know each other?", "Where are you staying ?", "What are you doing after this?". These all seem innocent, but they are screening her for her logistics. She will know this is the reason, even if she doesn't quite admit it, and this will create some level of attraction.

    If she has absolutely horrible logistics, you will know it early, rather than finding out at the end of the night. It keeps the conversation going where you want it to go. It gives her something to talk to you about and you find out more about her. I've found that it's a great way to run a set very naturally without using any routines.
    Hit me up if you're thinking about coming to Vegas. It's the Best City for Game in the World.

  6. #6
    Adam Taylor's Avatar
    Adam Taylor is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Struggling building comfort and rapport

    I used to have a lot of problem with comfort and rapport building, and sometimes I still struggle with it - I guess there are girls, reactions that I can't deal with. Fortunately they are only like 20-30% of all girls I approach.

    Personally, I've found the following techique rewarding:
    After I approached and opened a girl, I try to ask as little direct questions as I can. For example, I don't just ask what are you studying or working - instead of it, I state something. "You must be a secretary" or "You are studying psychology". Yoiu can be pretty sure you get an answer for a statement like this. If I'M wrong, I guess one more time - and sometimes I spin her around or act like I'm reading her mind.

    And of course, try to tell dhv stories. As for my, I almost always make a little story around my questions. I especially like this one: "Ok, so when I was a kindergarten kid, not only the Santa came to my kindergarten, but a clown, as well! He always make us kids sit on his lap - back in time, I didn't think he is a pervert or something, but I must admit I'm really sceared of clowns since then. Really, they shit the hell out of me. So every year, when the clown came to my kindergarten, I sit on her lap as every kid, and he asked me: what you want to be when you grow up? So, imagine it yourself, sitting on the lap of a clown, as a kid. What you wanted to be as a kid? You can't say princess!"

    Besides stuffs like that, there are many great routines, feel free to use them.


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