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Thread: Hell of a Night

  1. #1
    TieDown is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Hell of a Night

    So thanks to some reading and the boards I built up confidence about a year ago and started being more social and meeting women. I started a somewhat emotional relationship with this one girl (texts and we work together so we would see each other a lot) for almost a year now. We started dating earlier this year and made it official during the summer. She had some baggage, she was in an abusive relationship with an ex. It spanned over a long period of time and this person was always in her life. She cut him out before we became official in the summer for good. He tried to contact her and she ignored him. (She had deleted him from Facebook and her phone)

    A month ago she got a new phone and apparently it synced an old e-mail which added the ex's number. She never told me. Friday night great date night Saturday we hung out and went to a party with friends. A band was playing music from high school days and she apparently felt nostalgic and texted the ex saying she sometimes thinks about what it would be like with him.
    I only find out until that night when she is drunk and I'm taking care of (<--edit)her and go to put her phone on charge for her and I touched something on the screen and a text convo popped up (only two texts total). He responded admitting he thinks of her and has been thinking of her lately. He lives on the other side of the country there is no way for them to be together in a sneeky way.
    I was upset because she sent this to him while she was out with me telling me how much she cares about me and loves me and kissing me and what not.
    I would understand better if he initiated and she responded while she was drunk or maybe if we were fighting but things were great.
    Basically I feel like I was emotionally cheated on and told her I need some time. She understands she farked up and is taking steps to have the carrier block his number from her phone, so not just from the phone. Not my suggestion either I wanted her to step up and make that decision on her own and she did. She says she doesn't know why and wants nothing to do with her ex and what not.

    Am I blowing this out of proportion? It was one text. It's not possible for them to hook up without me knowing. But the words of the text and the action of texting him while things are supposedly going great with us hurts.
    Total official relationship is almost 5 months. Dating is more like 8. We have not had any fight at all. This is the first problem but it's a big one. Open to advice folks. My apologies for the short story post.

  2. #2
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    Bandit is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Hell of a Night

    Decide how big a deal this is to you and whether or not you feel like you should talk to her about it.

    If you do feel like you need to talk about it then sit her down and tell her how you feel. No negative emotions, no jealousy, you want to come off as cool and reserved. Tell her what it was about her texting him that made you uncomfortable, how you care about her and don't want her forgiving him for the abuse he gave her. It's a very fine line not to come across as needy or jealous so be careful.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “WOW...What a Ride!”

  3. #3
    TieDown is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Hell of a Night

    I have talked to her some it happened about 12 hours ago. Admittedly my head was not calm, cool, and collected. Her ex has been problems for her in past relationships. I did explain to her what hurts me is not necessarily who but the fact that while she is saying things are great with us she is wondering about being with an ex. The abusive relationship was off and on for about 8 years, starting when she was a freshman in high school. She finally I think accepts it happens and that this person is incapable of anything good. She wants nothing to do with him. But in the back of my mind things that come out when drunk often involve things that people aren't willing to admit when sober.

    I'm just wondering does it sound like I'm making a bigger deal out of it then it is. I know it's ultimately up to me and how I wish to proceed. I'm curious to get others opinions, I feel emotionally cheated on but I may be blowing it a little more out of proportion that it is. Still a big deal but I may be making it bigger than it is.

  4. #4
    TieDown is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Hell of a Night

    Well I haven't forgiven her but I did tell her I will give her a 100% clean start to try and earn my trust back. She said it meant nothing and is very apologetic. She offered to let me go through her phone whenever, give me the password to her e-mail, and password to her facebook. She will do anything for as long as it takes to fix this. I feel those are pretty strong words. She also discussed changing her phone number. I declined the opportunity to go through her facebook, e-mail, and phone. I feel that if I'm going to give this an honest shot of fixing it that is not the way to do it.

    Only time will tell if I will be able to forgive this and we can move on or if I'm just a fool for not walking out that night.


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