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Thread: Went AFC after sex - regaining value?

  1. #1
    batsy is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Went AFC after sex - regaining value?

    Hey,

    I've been going out with this HB for 4 months now and she's still a bit less than 2 months officially single. We spend the night at my place or at hers 2-4 times per week depending on the schedules. In the beginning she let me know that she is not looking forward to exclusively date anyone. I was ok with this. Now our dates consist of very couple-like stuff, such as holding hands and kissing in public, going to restaurants, movies or just hanging at home watching tv, talking and having sex. There has also been two occasions when we both were just happy to go to sleep with each other without having sex. We even had a dinner date with two of our friends to set them up. At this point we also booked our first holiday together for a long weekend in a different country which is happening in few weeks. We talk or text daily, often multiple times via some sort of medium.

    We do have a lot of common friends and/or coworkers and she's saying that she is not ready to tell them about us yet. My response is that I do not care if someone sees us but I'm not out there to advertise it.

    Last night I was at hers spending the night, and since the beginning there was a bit of weird vibe. This was the first time we met after booking the trip. Had very straight forward (and quick) sex and she announced that she is satisfied with it and kinda wants to cuddle. Usually sex lasts multiple times and a lot longer.

    Here's where I went AFC, I asked her if everything's ok. I should have just closed my mouth. She shot the typical response "yeah sure, why do you ask" and I responded that she seems a bit off today, especially when she sent me a message day prior that she is going to come many times with me this evening. Then she said "what, like I've been with another man?". I was not thinking this, but she put it out there. Of course I got curious (should have just said why would I care or something like that) and said well, you put it out there. She said that she hasn't been with anyone but if she would have she wouldn't tell me anyway. Responded with another AFC line "I'm not expecting that either". Conversation ended, we fell asleep and she walked me out in the morning.

    I got caught really off guard here and think I lost some value by actually expressing interest if she's been with someone else. We're not exclusive but we act like a couple in all ways. Honestly I'm somewhat confused about this.

    How do I go here actually restoring my power? I would like steer this towards exclusive relationship but her comments on this don't really give the image that she would be ready for it. I know that my logic is already here incorrect, she should be the one worrying about this. But she doesn't seem to be. Her not-so-close friends who do not know about us have even told her that I make their pants wet and can not stay in the same room with me (I'm working with some of them) and I'm really well liked in her social group out of which only few know that we're dating.

    I want to turn this situation around and make her to chase me to be exclusive.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Went AFC after sex - regaining value?

    One of the biggest factors that get people into exclusive relationships is "fear of loss." If she feels like she is losing you, then she'll want to trap whatever she has with you by introducing the idea of a relationship. That is, if she truly wants one with you.

    Some ways to create fear of loss is through unintentional jealousy and creating emotional distance. Again this is to increase the chances of her wanting a relationship, but doesn't guarantee anything. She may be very adamant about not having a relationship at this point in her life.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  3. #3
    batsy is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Went AFC after sex - regaining value?

    I find it very difficult to make her jealous or she is very good to conceal it. I often get remarks like:

    "It would be a shame not to share you with ****" (her not-so-close friend)
    "Maybe we should invite her for a threesome one day"
    "I don't own you"
    "She is going to loose it today when you show up at work in that shirt"
    "**** (her close friend) said that she would be anytime up for a threesome with us"

    And so on. She is actually encouraging me to bang her friends. I lack a good response to this as I start to find it quite annoying (and her friends in question aren't hot). Perhaps she is just testing me really hard and doesn't give up. Usually I just shrug these off and laugh or just ignore them. But she keeps throwing the balls at me. It feels like she genuinely won't mind me dating other girls or even encourages it. Perhaps it's a long ongoing Sh1t Test, I don't know.

    Perhaps she just wants to keep it casual, but then initiates romantic settings like dinners and weekend getaways? Does a girl who has real interest ever play this hard?

    She's the one making me wonder where I stand and it should be the opposite. She is very powerful character and I often need to stand my ground and say no to her as regular tests are coming in and an AFC will get run over with this girl for sure. Now I'm thinking perhaps the travel together was too soon as I committed into something three weeks from now and now I feel like she is a greater challenge than I am.

  4. #4
    hyp
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    Default Re: Went AFC after sex - regaining value?

    with all that hinting about you having a threesome with her "not so close friend," i'm not sure about you but i'd risk it and call her bluff by saying "yeah bring her around next (whenever she's seeing you next, preferably at your place)" and if she comes off with a remark "oh your a typical guy only thinking with ur d1ck" (or some sh1t like that) just reply "well atleast i follow through with stuff i say, i'm beginning to think you're one of those girls" --she'll have to prove she's not

    but seriously, get into a 3some, (not bragging) but they're awesome atleast do it before you get married or into a serious relationship!

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Went AFC after sex - regaining value?

    Oh I see. Yea I know what you mean. Although if she still hasn't actually SEEN you with another woman then you really don't know how she'll react.

    I'm thinking you may want to go the straight route then. Seems like you two aren't that open with each other, so you might as well go first. Tell her straight up you want something more and do not want to share her. Women like a little possessiveness. It's a territorial thing.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  6. #6
    batsy is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Went AFC after sex - regaining value?

    This stuff just keeps escalating. She is getting more and more sexually experimental and open as the time goes by. Now she wants to use me as a blindfolded sushi table for her and her four friends. Not sure if serious but that resulted in some very hot sex later that day including things I wanted to happen. This time I played along and I said that if I'm doing this I'll get to fark all of them. Her opinion was that two of them will probably get scared but I can do two others plus her. After this she finally showed slight insecurity about the idea that I maybe I would not come back to her after this. Still not sure if this is a huge game going on as these two would fark me for sure, they've said that to my and/or to her face. The downside in the idea itself is that I'm not really interested in either of them and another one is actually farking my very good friend for couple of weeks now so it's extremely unlikely that this kind of event would take place anyway.

    How I'm viewing this is that if she's really into this I'm not sure if she is actually gf material, although these kind of experiences should happen in the beginning stage of the relationship. We've booked a holiday abroad in two weeks time so I'm probably hitting breaks here and enjoying the holiday before having any kind of talk.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Went AFC after sex - regaining value?

    Know this......women will shit test you for the rest of your life. Might as well get used to it. Laugh it off and tell her to stop playing around. Tell her that you just want her as long as she's "good." Be playful.

    Nothing wrong with letting her know you want only her, as long as she knows that you will still walk away if it's not good for you.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  8. #8
    batsy is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Went AFC after sex - regaining value?

    That was very good. I can signal my wants to her without being needy and serious. Excellent.

  9. #9
    forestred_12 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Went AFC after sex - regaining value?

    Have you thought about dishing out a little punishment to her, e.g. initiate a Freeze Out? Sure, you'll risk the relationship, but you don't want her leading things and causing the most emotional damage. You need to turn the tables! :-)

  10. #10
    batsy is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Went AFC after sex - regaining value?

    I don't see the value of a Freeze Out here. Surely I could cut back in communication and meeting rate a bit to appear more aloof but I intend to do it anyway as we're going to be 24/7 together for 4 days soon and I don't want to see her that much before the trip to keep things fresh.

    Plus she hasn't really done anything wrong. I doubt I want to punish her for dirty talking and hot sex... During the last meeting I established again good confidence and control so I don't really see situation at the moment like I should change anything in that sense. Moreover I have to sort out my own action plan and responses for potential future discussions like below.


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