We are going to talk a little bit about girls and their headspace. Well, about particular girls. You know Ė that one that you just cant quite figure out? The one that gives you so many mixed signals?
This isnít full of solutions as much as it is full of explanations.
Girls, particularly the confident ones that mess with your head a bit, crave validation and control. If youíre a confident guy, your validation is going to be more important to them. For a girl, if she can have you wrapped around her finger, it gives her the satisfaction of knowing she can have you without actually sleeping with you.
Girls do this all the time. Theyíll respond to texts. Theyíll be friendly when you see them, theyíll give you IOIs, they seem totally receptive, thenÖ when you try to invite them out. Nothing. Ever. Or they flake, horribly.
Best I can try to explain, youíre borderline friend zoned, but not fully. She may see you as a sexual threat, but not one sheís interested enough in to pursue.
Fixing this comes down to classic game technique. Somehow or another, you gotta raise your value. disqualify them, change the frame and get them to pursue you. Your value has to be higher, period.
So, lets go back to this, whatís going on inside her head? The answer is simple again, validation. Girls crave it, and girls like this rely on it. They get it from guys all the time. It gives them an ego boost. Especailly if you are a high value male and your game is fairly good, sheís essentially gaming you just enough to keep you in the wings. Doing so gives her validation, control, self esteem satisfaction. If you had no value and were like every other sap trying to just hit on her, she wouldnít care.
There is always another similar explanation. Either sheís got a boyfriend, or is kinda seeing someone but its not totally serious. The validation rules still apply. Even if she has said no or hasnít brought up the boyfriend, she would keep you around just enough to know she could have more, even if she didnít want more.
Think of it this way, lets say you could have anyone you wanted. If a 3 and 4 was hitting on you, it means nothing. You know they want you. But what about that cute 8.5 thatís totally fun and successful youíre kinda friends with. Maybe you donít want to sleep with her, but her hitting on you would mean a lot more to you than the 3. That ego boost we get from getting numbers, dates, closing, etc. Its validation. Actually a lot of PUAs get addicted to it, which is another topic entirely and not exactly healthy. Your validation should come from knowing what you have, not from others affirming you.
First, in reality, you canít get every girl. Some of these thereís just nothing you can do. Thatís ok.
I recently moved back to Minneapolis after 4 years in Florida. This girl I dated 4 years ago texted me the night I got back. Since then, 3 months, I have not been able to get her out once to meet. She texts me, flirts, plays, she says im prettier than her (sh1t test), but I cannot get her out. At some point it doesnít matter, its just for fun anyway. I get her, I get what sheís doing, and even if itís a little distraction Iím enjoying it just for that.
The main take away, donít invest in these girls too much. Its just what they do, enjoy the games for game sake, have fun with it, use it as practice, but keep having fun and focus on others.
Now, if you really want to attack this, it involves some fundamentally strong game. Iím going to refer you to my post on avoiding friend zone, I have links there to disqualifiers and Kino as well which are incredibly important, read on.