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  1. #1
    Mumford89 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Girl at my work cancelled the morning of our second date!

    Hey, I need some help with something so here goes...

    About a week and a half ago I asked a girl at my work to go out for a drink. Since we rarely see one another at work I asked over Facebook and we exchanged numbers and set up the details of the date.

    We go for a casual drink on a Saturday night, spend about 4 hours talking to one another and have 3 drinks each. It seemed like we did a lot of talking and getting to know one another rather than just trying to rely on booze. During the date she was playing with her hair a lot, giggling, laughing, smiling and would catch my gaze for a few seconds before darting her eyes elsewhere around the room. All things considered it went well. I text her that night to let her know I enjoyed the evening and would like to see her again.

    She text back some days later saying she felt the same but, as was brought up during our first date, she has a lot of social events in her calendar over the next few weeks. So she would get back to me on when she would be free, after a few more days she proposed going to lunch on the Sunday just past. However she made it clear she was attending a friend's birthday party the night before so would make every effort to be presentable and not a hungover mess.

    Again we arranged the details and everything was set. I even hinted at a surprise in store for her as I had booked some tickets to go ice skating, something she had mentioned she enjoyed on the first date.

    Anyway Sunday morning rolls around and I get a text at 10am saying not to hate her but that she twisted her knee the night before while dancing. Was having trouble walking on it and had to cancel our date. I text back wishing her well, and we exchanged a few texts before I told her I'd give her a call later that night to see how she was doing.

    So I call her on Sunday night and it rings out to voicemail so I just sent a brief text. She replies some hours later and says she left her phone upstairs and that her knee was good enough to walk on now and would be in work today (Monday).

    However here is where I messed up, I think I dunno...I sent her a text before going to bed asking if she'd like to meet up again or if we were putting that on hold for now.

    So my problem is this. Is she playing mind games with me? Is she just the shy/timid type that I need to be more patient with or was her cancelling on the 2nd date a sign she just isn't interested?

    And how badly have I messed up with that last text? I saw her briefly at work today and we just chatted a little walking down the stairs. She seemed red faced the entire time and a bit distant, as if she couldn't get down the stairs quick enough.

    I really do like her but I get the niggling feeling she's not interested but either too scared to just say it or not respectful enough to say it. What really irked me was the cancelling of the second date by text rather than a phone call.

    Any advice guys is much appreciated.

  2. #2
    Fuser is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Girl at my work cancelled the morning of our second date!

    Yea, I think you got friend zoned. I mean, besides getting to know each other what did you do to build attraction? Did you use a lot of Kino? Flirting? Push Pull?

    I think you've shown way too much interest without building up attraction and she saw through it and that's why she has avoided you.

    I think you should freeze her out and start showing some Alpha traits at work so she takes notice. Perhaps approach other women at work, socialize, smile. Then when you talk to her be cocky/funny and don't ask her out again. there is no clear cut way if you have been friendzoned

  3. #3
    Mumford89 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Girl at my work cancelled the morning of our second date!

    During the first date there was moderate hand touching, arm brushing etc. As we left I rested my hand on her lower back as we walked out the bar we were at and at the end of the date we hugged and kissed each other on the cheek.

    Leading up to and after the first date I've been flirting with her in texts but she's sort of timid by nature. And the rumour around the office is that she's a virgin, which I wondered may be a reason she's a little distant or shy etc.

    By nature I'm a little old fashioned when it comes to women, I tend to be a bit of a gentleman. I've never really mastered the Push Pull technique.

    I really hope I've not been friend zoned because I actually like her

  4. #4
    Fuser is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Girl at my work cancelled the morning of our second date!

    Okay, thanks for the background info. I think that if she is shy, she NEEDS you to take the lead. You can be an old fashioned alpha, but you need to take control especially if she is a virgin. If the compliance of Kino was there (she didn't pull her hand, etc.) you need to escalate things and kiss her. Tease her a little bit, poke a bit of fun at her and show dhv. It is key to build up the attraction and then pull the trigger.

    Try casually talking to her at work, and start cocky/funny with her. Tell her you had a wicked night out and she missed out. Tell her you're a little concerned now, because you think this girl you met is stalking you. Just keep your frame and see where that takes you.

  5. #5
    Mumford89 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Girl at my work cancelled the morning of our second date!

    Right lads, sorry for going quiet work got super busy.

    Basically on the Tuesday after the Sunday she cancelled on she text me wanting to reschedule the second date. After a bit of back and forth texting trying to find a good time for us both we've settled on going to dinner on Thursday this week.

    The only issue I have right now is trying to hold off texting one another too much. That and figuring out a plan of action for Thursday, I'm thinking since her birthday is today should I present some sort of card and/or a flower or something when we meet up Thursday?

  6. #6
    Shortman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Girl at my work cancelled the morning of our second date!

    The only issue I have right now is trying to hold off texting one another too much. That and figuring out a plan of action for Thursday, I'm thinking since her birthday is today should I present some sort of card and/or a flower or something when we meet up Thursday?
    Just stay quiet unless she texts you and keep it short and simple. Gotta save the talking for the actual face-to-face. You spend to much time chatting before the date then when you get to the date you'll have nothing new or exciting to talk about.

    Personally, I wouldn't get her a gift, not on a 2nd date. However you do know her from work correct? Maybe some inside joke present would work, but I'd rather err on the side of getting nothing at all.

  7. #7
    Dj Chill is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Girl at my work cancelled the morning of our second date!

    Id stay quiet and not seem too eager/talkative like shortman said.

    Once I got a date slated I usually wont say anything until right before the event, such as a "Hey im heading to such and such see you there" right before we meet up.

  8. #8
    Mumford89 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Girl at my work cancelled the morning of our second date!

    Hey guys, I still need some help with this one lol. To keep things easier for you to digest I'll bullet point some stuff.

    Second Date Pros;
    • She made much more of an effort to maintain eye contact, in fact she barely ever looked away during the night.

    • She continually played with her hair and jewellery like before.

    • She smiled and laughed a lot more than during the first date as well.

    • We were both relaxed, laughing and seemed to get on a lot better this time around.

    • At the end of the date she told me to my face how much she had enjoyed such a great night. Even texting me that night to reaffirm this.


    Second Date Cons;
    • At the end of the date she moved in for a cuddle/hug and kiss on the cheek like before. Albeit this time it lasted longer.

    • When I made an signal to hold hands she didn't really pick up on it but neither did it get obviously awkward.

    • There wasn't much physical contact beyond a brief high five and the hug+kiss on the cheek at the end of the date.

    • I don't think I was 'alpha' enough at times, I think I was too laid back and should have made a move


    Post-Second-Date
    • We've text a lot during the two weeks since our second date. She's always taken a few hours to reply to texts but since the second date it has gradually taken her longer. In some cases a few days to reply. In other cases I've had to double text :S

    • She never answers her phone but mentioned on the second date she often keeps her phone on silent and never notices it ringing. But she never responds to my missed calls either by calling herself or by texting.

    • During work she has often given smiles and sometimes blushed when catching each other's gaze in the office.

    • I asked her for a third date to which she agreed giving a vague answer of wanting to do it on Sunday afternoon saying she would check her schedule and get back to me.

    • After two days she never got back to me at all and when I text her again she just reaffirmed the Sunday offer but nothing more specific. Saying she was too busy with family and friends and that was the only day she could meet up.

    • I text back saying what time I'd be free Sunday but I've not gotten a response yet.

    • On Monday this week she was all smiles at work but lately since then she has barely looked in my direction at all. The few times we've caught eye contact she has gone red faced and looked away. However there was one moment today we passed in the hall as I walked with some co-workers and she did send a brief smile my way. But could that have just been because I was with company?


    My friends have suggested that she is either A.) Just using me for attention to fill a hole in her social calendar when she has no other plans scheduled or B.) Is genuinely busy with her friends & family and not comfortable enough yet to either include me or re-schedule to spend time with me.

    Am I chasing a lost cause? Should I have a different approach and see how that works? All help and input is appreciated guys!

  9. #9
    Shortman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Girl at my work cancelled the morning of our second date!

    You are still chasing her around.. just lay back and let her come to you, have her set up a date if she wants to hang out. I wouldn't keep pushing like you are currently doing. Go out with other girls as well .

  10. #10
    Mumford89 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Girl at my work cancelled the morning of our second date!

    Cheers for the advice, seems like a good plan to follow. I was speaking to a female friend last night and she suggested the same. If this girl is a virgin then my friend suggested she could be succumbing to nerves at the whole idea due to inexperience.

    On the other hand my female friend also suggested texting the girl to find out why she's sending mixed signals all of a sudden. But I'm reluctant to do this, not only does it mean a double text on my part, but I don't want to put any undue pressure on the situation. Especially over the festive period, chances are we aren't going to see one another till the 27th at least when we're back in work.


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