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Thread: Not so sure about my gf

  1. #11
    Shortman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Not so sure about my gf

    When she left the apartment after she told you she was getting ready for bed, how did you "find out" she was gone from 1-3am?

  2. #12
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    Default Re: Not so sure about my gf

    We were talking on the phone and I asked her how she slept. So said she slept kinda ok. So I asked what time did she go to bed. She said she left. I wasn't to happy with her about it
    im on a different level

  3. #13
    Shortman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Not so sure about my gf

    What do you think is happening?

  4. #14
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    Default Re: Not so sure about my gf

    Well I trust her and I know she has a really hard time opening up to anyone. It just seems kinda shady that she can't even tell be what she was doing. Idk I just know I'm not happy anymore. I need more communication then what she's giving me
    im on a different level

  5. #15
    Shortman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Not so sure about my gf

    Just my opinion here, and this is in no way perhaps the PUA preferred way, but I would call her up and say we need to talk...

    I read a book about crucial conversations and it opened my world into how conversations and communication is so important in any relationship. I highly suggest you read this book and actually go through the steps and write it out on paper.


    When you finish the steps, call her and say you'd like to talk. Go over what you wrote and be stern but frank about your feelings and boundaries. This clearly looks like a breakdown in communication between you two and having distance between you magnifies it. You need to create a safety net in which she can feel safe to tell you everything she feels without feeling shut down by you. (I know the PUA in many are screaming at this, but I think this is where you need to go).

    If you can get her to open up and feel secure in that she can talk to you about it without being shut down or feel stupid, she will be far more inclined to tell you what the real issue is. If even after all this she doesn't want to open up, then perhaps you need to pull the trigger and end it, because eventually as it sounds like, this is a big issue for you, and in the end, that is what matters.

    By doing this, at least you address the main issue here, lack of communication-have an idea of what is going on, and two, you will maintain your stance as a man by being upfront about your intentions, laying out your boundaries. If you aren't afraid to walk away from her, she might get the hint, and I feel like after going over this a little bit, you will at least know where she stands with YOU.
    Last edited by KristiBell; 11-27-2012 at 02:26 PM. Reason: link

  6. #16
    Shortman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Not so sure about my gf

    Any update Hopeful? (30 characters)

  7. #17
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    Default Re: Not so sure about my gf

    Honestly, if she told you someone was there till 3 AM, she almost certainly didn't cheat.

    If she wanted to cheat, it would be easy, she could not tell you anything and say she just couldn't sleep or something.

    I really don't believe she cheated.

    But, if she wonders whats wrong when you don't text? Then use it, stop texting for a day or two. Until she asks what's wrong, then you can say like "I trust you, but the other night was wierd and I'd feel more comfortable if you at least told me what happened"

    Yea, truth is, it is AFC. But, it would bother me too. Just don't go all super needy and beta and whine whine whine. When she gives you a reasonable explanation, say thank you I appreciate that, and man up and move on.

    Its ok to confront things head on, it's not ok to dwell on them or make her feel like sh1t for it. You can't tell her it was wrong to have someone stop by if they didn't do anything, you're both allowed to have friends and guys and girls and do what you want, etc. But, I would wanna know too.
    Never need praise, sympathy, or approval



  8. #18
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    Default Re: Not so sure about my gf

    she just said that it wasnt any of my business. i went around her back and asked her best friend what is happening. her uncle is dying and she goes and takes care of him.
    im on a different level

  9. #19
    Shortman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Not so sure about my gf

    Family issue, there we go . Just be supportive and let her deal with it how she wants.

  10. #20
    Hopeful33's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not so sure about my gf

    yea but i still feel like it shouldnt be that big of a secret from me
    im on a different level


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