Setting the scene: I am a 50-something widowed Dad, and I think I have a lot going for me - no shortage of money, good job, good smarts, don't scare children, social enough. I have been out of the dating pool for ages, and it's ... different now. I don't meet many people in real life, and online dating has sucked because I get so few replies. I have had a few chances, but "next" was the right button to click on most of them.
I have a situation I want to get advice about. I saw this woman on OKCupid and flipped out - very unusual woman, but HB9 to me and a select few others. She lives 40 minutes away but has a job in my town (about three miles from me), and she grew up here, too. OKC profile says "seeing someone", but she talks in the profile about being intellectually bored and kind of perplexed with the relationship, so I don't mind contributing to that ending. I have no idea if we're a combination that works, but I sure would like to find out.
My dating site response rate has been pathetic, but I planned a first contact message tailored for her, interested but not drooly, and sent it. I got a response after 3-4 days - she's seen me on a friend's FB friends list. I got on to respond - and she initiated chat on OkCupid. We chat a few more times like that through the rest of that week, and we talk about some people, the town, trivialities and some personal stuff. BF has not come up so far. I mentioned something about having her out for dinner on a weeknight before she heads home, and she said that would work. But nothing got arranged. It was annoying waiting for her to make contact and not having any influence, but I managed not to wait and not over-message, I think. Then it felt like she just evaporated - I stop getting OKC messages or chats for almost two weeks, maybe just because of the-busy-before-Thanksgiving.
I learn more - I think the "seeing someone" is a guy who lives out of state and is not around much, and I think he's neither very smart nor very successful. I also figure he's not committing at all. Easy to not think much of the guy, what can I say. I was glad to read some of the boyfriend destroyer techniques, I may need them.
After Thanksgiving, I sent her a Facebook message, and we have traded messages every couple of days for awhile that way. I have been asking questions to keep her talking (I've read about stopping that crap), and I have been responding a lot faster than she has (gonna alter that, too). I have been telling her news about stuff going on in my life, and that I feel good about. I know where she works, and have thought about calling her at work to see what I can do. I have what I think is a fun script in mind for that if I do.
So I want to see what I can do to blow on the spark (if any), and I want to get on the phone and then meet this woman to see how we click. I actually feel like I can talk to most people about most things, so if I can get phone or in-person to actually happen, I think I can do OK. My first phone call with one of my first contacts after being widowed lasted three hours, and my on first actual date with a different woman, we shut the restaurant down after three hours and she went for the kiss with me. I usually struggle to get a response from anyone good, or get wimpy and mess it up later on.
So, the questions:
- What can I do to ignite the combustibles?
- What should I do to contact her next? How soon if I do it?
- What kinds of holes am I most likely to fall into next?