Top 10 Stats
Latest Posts Loading... Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Results 1 to 7 of 7
Like Tree1Likes
  • 1 Post By Splitting The Atom

Thread: need help recovering from average first date

  1. #1
    JPLST is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 70, Level: 1
    Level completed: 40%, Points required for next Level: 30
    Overall activity: 0%
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    8
    Points
    70
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Default need help recovering from average first date

    I need help on this one - never had such a situation before, but I guess I am desperate! It's a long story so I hope you are comfortable...

    About a month ago I asked out a girl I have a huge crush on. She said yes, we would go to an art exhibition, it's a mutual interest. There was no opprtunity for us to go for a few weeks, as we were both busy. That was fine, I see her every week with work, and I think I did a great job building up rapport. Our emails graduated to texting, and then to occasional phone calls. There was good chemistry, and when we saw each other it was clear there was something there.

    So this weekend we finally managed to go to the exhibition. First she had to go see her friend perform at a concert and asked me along with her and another friend. I went, and we decided to go to the exhibiton afterwards. Great. But then her friend joined us. Bit disappointing, but what can you do? Anyway, this made it a bit awkward, and I guess I wasn't my usual confident self. I decided I needed to see her on her own, so I invited her over to sample some of the dinner I had prepared (we have discussed in the past how we both enjoy cooking). She initially said yes, but when the friend finally left she said she couldn't come, giving some weak excuse.

    I was disappointed, and I really found it difficult to hide. I came across as a bit needy, and desperately tried to arrange another date there and then (which obviously failed) I know I should have remained cool, I should have realised that it's a big deal to come back to my flat, and that her saying no was not a full on rejection, but that's easy to see NOW. It went a little weird, and awkward after that. I recovered a little, and made her laugh on the tram back a few of times, but the damage was done.

    I know I have plenty of opportunity to do the groundwork again, as we have one on one time every week through work - my question is can I, and how do I recover? Do I apologise for being in a bad mood, or not mention it again and work on re-building the rapport we had before? Surely the attraction we had before this weekend can't be obliterated by one uncomfortable afternoon?

  2. #2
    YOKiTran's Avatar
    YOKiTran is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 2,069, Level: 28
    Level completed: 69%, Points required for next Level: 31
    Overall activity: 45.0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    325
    Points
    2,069
    Level
    28
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    107

    Default Re: need help recovering from average first date

    i dunno how u responded to her and if this was a guy friend she left with.

    however, whatever her reason or whatever she says is not ur concern. she didn't tell u f*ck off so ur still on.

    1) it is not ur concern over her mental state/problems/blah blah.
    2) concern urself over re-establishing that cool/fun guy - and use PUA stuff

    neg - story - light Kino - magic - esp - etc.... work her.

    also, please dont get hung up... work other girls to improve ur game for when u decide on "the one".

    GL

  3. #3
    Splitting The Atom's Avatar
    Splitting The Atom is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 469, Level: 9
    Level completed: 38%, Points required for next Level: 31
    Overall activity: 41.0%
    Achievements:
    250 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    59
    Points
    469
    Level
    9
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    23

    Default Re: need help recovering from average first date

    I was disappointed, and I really found it difficult to hide. I came across as a bit needy, and desperately tried to arrange another date there and then (which obviously failed) I know I should have remained cool, I should have realised that it's a big deal to come back to my flat, and that her saying no was not a full on rejection, but that's easy to see NOW. It went a little weird, and awkward after that. I recovered a little, and made her laugh on the tram back a few of times, but the damage was done.

    We all have off days. It happens to the best of us, believe me. Hell, it happened to me yesterday, but I knew I was overreacting and I was right, because I was making out with her this morning. But you remain cool and tell yourself to chill. Don't be AFC.

    What do you do to recover? You surprise the crap out of her. Throw away the needless anxiety and nervousness and show her some fun.
    "To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all." - Oscar Wilde

  4. #4
    JPLST is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 70, Level: 1
    Level completed: 40%, Points required for next Level: 30
    Overall activity: 0%
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    8
    Points
    70
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: need help recovering from average first date

    Thanks for the advice, and the reassurance that I can salvage this. (the friend was another girl, not a guy btw) However, it has now become a bit of a messed up situation!
    I have dealt with it well - no contact for a week, then re-built the rapport, showed confidence, been playful flirty etc etc. I think I have recovered. She is texting and flirting back again, and is obviously comfortable around me. I asked her to meet up before xmas, outside of work, she said she is busy all next week, which I can believe as she has a lot going on, but can't be sure...
    Anyway, in the last 2 weeks I have also been seeing other girls, got a few numbers, a kiss close and an f-close. I thought this would help, but here is where it's messed up - I can't stop thinking about this 'one'. It even effected the sex I had with another girl. I won't go into details, but let's just say that (on the second time of asking btw) a part of my anatomy wasn't as involved as he should have been. I am sure it was because the 'one' and situation was on my mind. Looks like I am in danger of getting 'hung up'.
    Anyone else also had a 'oneitus' as severe as this?

  5. #5
    YOKiTran's Avatar
    YOKiTran is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 2,069, Level: 28
    Level completed: 69%, Points required for next Level: 31
    Overall activity: 45.0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    325
    Points
    2,069
    Level
    28
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    107

    Default Re: need help recovering from average first date

    lmao... funny story.^^

    ok - i dunno if u really explored why u didn't get a boner with ur F-close... i find it hard to imagine it's b/c this other girl has gotten that deeply into ur head.

    r u sure it's not:
    1) performance anxiety.?
    2) alchy d1ck.?
    3) stranger F-ing can feel wierd too

    but i m not u - so sorry if i questioned u... i just want u to seriously ask urself exactly why u r behaving in such an AFC way...... ask urself if a MAN would truely be hung up a girl he has not had sex with.? could it be ur hung up because:

    1) she rejected ur sex advance.?
    2) she put u in a state where u questioned what u did naturally.?

    basically, r u hung up on her as someone u want or r u hung up on the rejection part.?

    --///--

    BUT - don't stress too much as to the why... that's in the past and she has not expressed to u that she wants to be part of ur past.

    let the hang up go and deal with what's in front of u.

    1) continue to work ur options
    2) continue to work her

    if u think u need help on F-closing her - then ask that... cause i'm sure u'll get many responses with that question. ^.~

    again, GL, man.!

  6. #6
    JPLST is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 70, Level: 1
    Level completed: 40%, Points required for next Level: 30
    Overall activity: 0%
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    8
    Points
    70
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: need help recovering from average first date

    Haha, I agree it's best to see the funny side! Let's remember that it was the second time round that I had problems, the first time we had sex that night it was fine. On reflection there were other factors - I was tired from the first time, she was on my mind so I wasn't in the moment, and it was kinda cold....

    Maybe you are also right, that it was her rejection and making me act like a spanner which has made me obsessed. I do want to pursue her, but I guess as she has said she's busy till xmas, it will have to wait to next year - just got to remain confident (not so easy when you can't rely on your penis!), and avoid being needy or weak.

    What would you do over xmas, text/call, or freeze? Both of us will be out of town. I know I will see her soon after, in the first week of Jan so I don't need to arrange any meeting

  7. #7
    YOKiTran's Avatar
    YOKiTran is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 2,069, Level: 28
    Level completed: 69%, Points required for next Level: 31
    Overall activity: 45.0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    325
    Points
    2,069
    Level
    28
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    107

    Default Re: need help recovering from average first date

    there's no reason to punish her - she's done nothing wrong.? if she says she's busy, then ur gonna have to take her word for it... she could say she's diving in a pool of babies and u would have to go with that also - and smirk.^^

    better that u don't go figuring her out.

    continue ur text game as u do with others. don't let familiarity digress.

    GL


Similar Threads

  1. recovering from a bad first date
    By Mack3 in forum General Questions
    Replies: 1
    Last Thread: 10-23-2012, 03:17 PM
  2. Need help recovering after the first date.
    By Bradley13 in forum Help Getting A Girlfriend
    Replies: 3
    Last Thread: 06-07-2012, 12:32 PM
  3. Recovering a TJR
    By rmboyd in forum General Questions
    Replies: 0
    Last Thread: 07-08-2011, 11:23 PM
  4. Need help recovering!
    By pbfreakon in forum Online And Text Game
    Replies: 8
    Last Thread: 12-21-2010, 11:20 AM
  5. Tired of being average? Want to become a pro?
    By j-man in forum New Member Introductions
    Replies: 3
    Last Thread: 11-29-2010, 09:13 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
DMCA.com