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Thread: New here, in need of some help!

  1. #1
    Aladeen is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default New here, in need of some help!

    Hey guys, as the title says im new here so sorry for not being experienced at this sort of thing!

    Okay, so i didnt use any techniques on the website to get my girlfriend, it was a long, strange and drawn out process and eventually i managed to win her over. We've been together just over 2 months but things are going terribly between me and her at the moment.

    When we was first together it seemed to be going alright but lately, we never stop arguing and i think i've made a very very stupid mistake- i've let her have "control" in the relationship and now it seems almost routine for her to get annoyed over nothing and since im not really one to go mental at her, she seems to just do what she wants. It always seems like theres something for her to rage about, its quite common for us to not talk for days at a time- she won't answer my texts, answer the phone, block me on skype/ facebook etc. However she doesnt seem to like it when i dont bother talking to her, which strikes me as a personality trait of her wanting me to come crawling. asserting her dominance?

    Now, i'm not really after a way of picking up other girls at the bar or something, i really want this to work. i know it might be very difficult to rectify the "control issue" but im really after damage limitation and make it work on at least some level. In my mind, the fact that we are hardly talking is making her find me less and less attractive and i'm under no illusions that unless i do something quick, i'll lose her. She's already been chatting with other people and alarm bells are ringing.

    okay so to sum up:
    - im tired of being the beaten man in the relatonship.
    - need way of building level of attraction back and making her respect me more.
    - not after moving on, finding new girls etc for now i just want to sort this out.
    - how do i become the "man" in the relationship!?

    further notes:
    - Long distance relationship so i can't just ask her out to dinner or something because it'll take a lot of planning and she definitely wont agree to it- she already cancelled a date before.
    - we arent talking today- whats a way to get back talking without seeming needy?
    - she suffers moodswings- could this be hormonal rather than a problem with me per se?
    - difficulty in talking about feelings- we hardly ever talk about feelings. if i talk about our relationship, she becomes aloof or loses her temper. is there a way to help with this?

    Guys, im a total amatueur! i hope you'll be able to help, thanks in advance!

  2. #2
    Shortman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: New here, in need of some help!

    Freeze her out, go back and read what you wrote.. you said it "when I don't reply it drives her nuts". <--- do this, then do it some more.. She treats you like crap, why would you waste your time with that? Honestly, man up and take control of the situation by showing you have boundaries. Right now you have none, so she roams freely over you. Put up that fence and let her know it!

  3. #3
    Fuser is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: New here, in need of some help!

    Not to be an ass, but I think you are in too deep and there is no way out. She is more than likely finding satisfaction elsewhere in a real man. Just by reading what you wrote you have basically become her bitch. There is NOTHING you can do at the moment to change that because from what you wrote it seems she doesn't care.

    Dump her, freeze her out, grow a pair of balls, date other women. Hopefully she will take notice and come back. By that time you won't want her. Welcome aboard man. Don't mean to be a dick but your post disgusts me. Why do you want a girl who abuses you?

  4. #4
    Fuser is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: New here, in need of some help!

    Start here:

    The Newbie Guide

    Read up. IT will let you know what you need to do to improve your life in general.

  5. #5
    Aladeen is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: New here, in need of some help!

    Cheers for the replies guys. Nah you dont sound like that, i know what you mean. I mean its not that i wanna keep going like it is now, its that like when i first met her it was all so good and i kinda wanna go back to before she was being like this, if that makes sense. I mean when we first started there was a real connection, it would totally cheer me up just seeing her but it seems to have all gone sour lately.

    She keeps posting stuff all over twitter like "you miss me, but you dont even try to talk to me? okay." I dont know how to handle this, and yeah i know it seems like im "not a real man" or whatever but im trying to make an effort to change this situation around, im tired of being the bitch!

  6. #6
    Aladeen is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: New here, in need of some help!

    the one thing that im concerned about is that she'll just get fed up and find someone else if i freeze her out. what do you reckon?

  7. #7
    Major is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: New here, in need of some help!

    "If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got". Changing a situation opens up new possibilities that you will not know about until you make the changes, yes she may go elsewhere if you freeze her out. But what is the alternative? Stay as things are? you clearly aren't happy with your relationship and to change it you will have to make changes. The first leap of faith is always the hardest.
    “All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake up in the day to find it was vanity, but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.”

  8. #8
    Kaybee is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: New here, in need of some help!

    Long distance relationship? You've been together for 2 months? Did the two of you actually meet or did this start online? Any plans of seeing each other in the very near future?

    Honestly, from what you describe, she seems very controlling and could quite possibly have anger issues. I wouldn't put up with that sort of behavior unless she's very different in real life.

    Now, you could either freeze her out, or call her out on her behavior and make it clear that you are not gonna put up with her BS unless she tells you what is going on and why she is acting like this. Make it clear that you can and will walk away if she keeps behaving like she does.

    Again(I feel like I've said this too many times), don't let her impose her frame. Set YOUR frame

  9. #9
    Aladeen is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: New here, in need of some help!

    okay so i've not spoken to her since thursday night and she keeps re-tweeting those menstrual, "all men are scum" type things on twitter like "i know you dont care, you prove it to me everyday" etc etc. That shows im getting under her skin, do i keep going?

  10. #10
    Shortman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: New here, in need of some help!

    Yep, just keep focusing on your life. Let her CONTACT YOU. If she really wants to fix things, it will come from her. We already know where you stand.


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