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  • 1 Post By ecudes17

Thread: My New ONLINE DATING PROFILE! comment please~!

  1. #1
    Racton's Avatar
    Racton is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default My New ONLINE DATING PROFILE! comment please~!

    I would like advice and constructive feedback. please help me thank you.
    _______________
    My self-summary
    I am a Carefree, Witty, Creative, Funny person(or at the VERY LEAST.... Entertaining). I usually find it easy to make friends. I love life and all it has to offer! The good... and the bad...! Why you ask? because we can never truly appreciate the good if there was no bad.

    In terms of personality i am a very Honest and Direct person though i know when to be sensitive. I do know when its time to joke and when its time to be serious as well dont get me wrong okay?! haha. =D Cheers!
    ____________________ _________
    What I知 doing with my life
    Finding my Close To But Not So Very Perfect Girl.. cuz... face it nobody's Perfect! unless of course she was tailor made for me!

    on a serious note... Im still studying Offcampus in a Melbourne Uni from Malaysia. ~work with my father developing houses~ as well as getting ready to start my own small little business =). Yes.. i really am quite busy so...
    ____________________ _________
    I知 really good at
    Artsy Stuffs. Enjoying Life! Making YOU`~smile~
    ____________________ __________
    The first things people usually notice about me
    I look good. (well when you look at my picture you dont puke right?)
    ____________________ _______
    Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
    Books:Fantasy Novels, Manga

    Shows:Anime - meh if you like anime just Clicky the Messagy button. we have lots to talk about trust me (=O)
    :Taiwan and Korean Dramas too.

    Movies:Anything Good!~ ive watched it! Trust me! (looks up Google for brief Synopsis and Plot on whatever she show "beautiful girl" has just mentioned and grins an evil smile!)

    Food: I live to eat! but im in shape! somehow~.... o.o
    Jap,Kor,Ger,Mex,Thai ,Viet. Of course Malaysian delights and Expensive Steaks are good too!

    Thats it folks! rest you have to send me a cutesy little message~tofindoutmor e~!
    __________________
    The six things I could never do without
    I am not that much of a Whiner and Crybaby that i cant live without 6 things. I'd say anything and everything can go! just put my loved ones in Noah's Ark for me wouldya?
    ____________________ ______
    I spend a lot of time thinking about
    how i am going to STALK you and EAT you! MuahahahhahHAHAH (serial killer laugh!)
    There! I said it! now u know!... my deep secret! OMGWTF WILL I DO?! please dont call for the police!

    ____________________ _________
    On a typical Friday night I am
    Hunting Unicorns to extinction in the clouds full of 12 coloured rainbows in a Fantasy World that is beyond even your wildest imaginations. Care to join me? I know you want to!
    ____________________ ___
    The most private thing I知 willing to admit
    I................... ..Like.............. ...........GIRLS at least i think i do...

    ____________________
    You should message me if
    You find me interesting and want to get to know more about me.... ORRRRRR..... <3 me and secretly stalk me.. SHOW YOURSELF!
    ____________________ _

  2. #2
    ecudes17 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: My New ONLINE DATING PROFILE! comment please~!

    Quote Originally Posted by Racton View Post
    I would like advice and constructive feedback. please help me thank you.
    _______________
    My self-summary
    I am a Carefree, Witty, Creative, Funny person(or at the VERY LEAST.... Entertaining). I usually find it easy to make friends. I love life and all it has to offer! The good... and the bad...! Why you ask? because we can never truly appreciate the good if there was no bad.

    In terms of personality i am a very Honest and Direct person though i know when to be sensitive. I do know when its time to joke and when its time to be serious as well dont get me wrong okay?! haha. =D Cheers!
    ____________________ _________
    What I知 doing with my life
    Finding my Close To But Not So Very Perfect Girl.. cuz... face it nobody's Perfect! unless of course she was tailor made for me!

    on a serious note... Im still studying Offcampus in a Melbourne Uni from Malaysia. ~work with my father developing houses~ as well as getting ready to start my own small little business =). Yes.. i really am quite busy so...
    ____________________ _________
    I知 really good at
    Artsy Stuffs. Enjoying Life! Making YOU`~smile~
    ____________________ __________
    The first things people usually notice about me
    I look good. (well when you look at my picture you dont puke right?)
    ____________________ _______
    Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
    Books:Fantasy Novels, Manga

    Shows:Anime - meh if you like anime just Clicky the Messagy button. we have lots to talk about trust me (=O)
    :Taiwan and Korean Dramas too.

    Movies:Anything Good!~ ive watched it! Trust me! (looks up Google for brief Synopsis and Plot on whatever she show "beautiful girl" has just mentioned and grins an evil smile!)

    Food: I live to eat! but im in shape! somehow~.... o.o
    Jap,Kor,Ger,Mex,Thai ,Viet. Of course Malaysian delights and Expensive Steaks are good too!

    Thats it folks! rest you have to send me a cutesy little message~tofindoutmor e~!
    __________________
    The six things I could never do without
    I am not that much of a Whiner and Crybaby that i cant live without 6 things. I'd say anything and everything can go! just put my loved ones in Noah's Ark for me wouldya?
    ____________________ ______
    I spend a lot of time thinking about
    how i am going to STALK you and EAT you! MuahahahhahHAHAH (serial killer laugh!)
    There! I said it! now u know!... my deep secret! OMGWTF WILL I DO?! please dont call for the police!

    ____________________ _________
    On a typical Friday night I am
    Hunting Unicorns to extinction in the clouds full of 12 coloured rainbows in a Fantasy World that is beyond even your wildest imaginations. Care to join me? I know you want to!
    ____________________ ___
    The most private thing I知 willing to admit
    I................... ..Like.............. ...........GIRLS at least i think i do...

    ____________________
    You should message me if
    You find me interesting and want to get to know more about me.... ORRRRRR..... <3 me and secretly stalk me.. SHOW YOURSELF!
    ____________________ _
    There are a lot of wtf moments in their bro. The whole thing about being a serial killer...on plenty of fish, I promise not too many women will find that to be an innocent cute joke. Speaking of cute jokes, your profile comes across as try hard and immature with a lot of corny jokes. "Hunting Unicorns to extinction in the clouds full of rainbows" really?

    There is a book called "how to succeed with women" it illustrates how to create the perfect online dating add.

    In the general info section you want to briefly describe a feeling to her (have you ever been with someone so perfect for you everything just felt right when you where together?) describe yourself briefly (My name is Jim, Im 6 feet tall, handsome, and deffinately the funnest person I know) what type of person your looking for (be honest)

    Answers to those other questions should be full of positives about your life that demonstrate high value as a man.

    Conclude the add with "if this touched you in anyway, please don't hessitate to contact me.

    I promise you bro, any women reading the current add will not be filled with feelings of attraction and intrigue.

  3. #3
    Racton's Avatar
    Racton is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: My New ONLINE DATING PROFILE! comment please~!

    Damned.. need to work from scratch again! thanks..

  4. #4
    ED11356's Avatar
    ED11356 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: My New ONLINE DATING PROFILE! comment please~!

    Yeah, the serial killer comment will turn away A LOT of girls.

  5. #5
    Autismus's Avatar
    Autismus is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: My New ONLINE DATING PROFILE! comment please~!

    Like Ecudes said it comes off as try-hard for sure. Not gonna lie, there were a few places where even I got a little creeped out, and I don't have a v@gin@ lol (at least not one I own.... gotta keep borrowing them from friends )

    On the good side, I think you have the quirky/funny element of text/online game pretty well! Now lets talk about adding some dhv to this thing.

    The structure you use is a bit on the long side, but that's fine, sometimes ladies like a long profile.... if you know what I mean

    Oh! And that reminds me, take out every place where you use "......" because it comes off as beta. Use a comma, or a period. But when you use an elipses it just ends a sentence awkwardly and non-confidently....

    ...See what I mean?


    Quote Originally Posted by Racton View Post
    I would like advice and constructive feedback. please help me thank you.
    You got it.
    _______________
    My self-summary
    I am a Carefree, Witty, Creative, Funny person(or at the VERY LEAST.... Entertaining).
    These are just words that anyone could say. Don't tell her you're funny or entertaining - show her by saying something either funny or entertaining. Show her you're creative by being really articulate, same for witty and carefree. SHOW, don't just list adjectives that tell her about you.

    I usually find it easy to make friends.
    Remove the word "usually" and this becomes an alpha sentence.

    I love life and all it has to offer!
    Elaborate on "all it has to offer" mention a few things specific that you love about life.

    The good... and the bad...! Why you ask? because we can never truly appreciate the good if there was no bad.
    I'd take out this whole thing. Reminding her of the "bad" parts of life is going to make sex-appeal plummet.

    In terms of personality i am a very Honest and Direct person though i know when to be sensitive.
    Again, don't just list adjectives, talk about the way you interact with other people or your outlook on life which shows that you are honest, direct and sensitive.

    I do know when its time to joke and when its time to be serious as well dont get me wrong okay?! haha. =D Cheers!
    (This is one of those 'wtf' moments he mentioned lol) knowing when it's time to joke and when to be serious should (in her mind) be something that you don't need to think about - so the statement comes off as an indicator of social awkwardness (I've been there! haha). Also the "don't get me wrong okay!?!" screams of approval-seeking.

    ____________________ _________
    What I知 doing with my life
    Finding my Close To But Not So Very Perfect Girl.. cuz... face it nobody's Perfect! unless of course she was tailor made for me!
    This would be a great place to DHV with ambition instead of implying that chasing women and fantasizing about them is an all-consuming hobby.

    on a serious note... (Here's another 'wtf' moment because I haven't really seen anything yet that was especially joking) Im still studying Offcampus in a Melbourne Uni from Malaysia. ~work with my father developing houses~ as well as getting ready to start my own small little business =). Yes.. i really am quite busy so...
    "Still studying"? Take out the word "still" it implies you're taking too long to finish school or something (that's what I'm doing, but I don't tell the ladies ) the house thing is a nice DHV, as is the starting a small business. Take out the smiley-face and the "yes, really quite busy".

    ____________________ _________
    I知 really good at
    Artsy Stuffs. Enjoying Life! Making YOU`~smile~
    "Artsy stuffs" - sounds girly. Talk about painting or sculpting or music or whatever your art medium is. Take out "making her smile" no offense, but it reeks of desperation.

    ____________________ __________
    The first things people usually notice about me
    I look good. (well when you look at my picture you dont puke right?)
    Take out the puke comment - it's self-depricating in the dlv kind of way. the "I look good" works well. Maybe elaborate about your eyes or your smile or something. Then list a second thing people notice - either go cocky/funny with it, or DHV about your friendliness.

    ____________________ _______
    Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
    Books:Fantasy Novels, Manga
    "Fantasy Novels" and "Manga" are a DLV in this situation (she'll think you're into like sea-monster porn or foot stuff or something else that girls think is wierd until she tries it) Instead list some of your favorite authors - even if they are fantasy authors, listing people shows that you enjoy specific writers for their ideas rather than just gravitating toward a genre.

    Shows:Anime - meh if you like anime just Clicky the Messagy button. we have lots to talk about trust me (=O)
    :Taiwan and Korean Dramas too.
    "clicky the messagy" - nope sounds too cutsy. Again, don't list Anime as your first one, it implies you like wierd porn (which in all honesty, we all do just not something you want to list on your dating profile) the Tiwan and Korean dramas are good. Also list why you like them. List a few other show titles as well and within the list include a few anime show titles if you want to.

    Movies:Anything Good!~ ive watched it! Trust me! (looks up Google for brief Synopsis and Plot on whatever she show "beautiful girl" has just mentioned and grins an evil smile!)
    Don't say "trust me" on the internet - even as a figure of speech lol Also here is a place to DHV by listing a few good movie titles. Take out the joke about looking up a movie she mentions - it comes off as desperate.

    Food: I live to eat! but im in shape! somehow~.... o.o
    Jap,Kor,Ger,Mex,Thai ,Viet. Of course Malaysian delights and Expensive Steaks are good too!
    ...I like this part. Only thing is take out the word "expensive" and replace it with the word "gormet"

    Thats it folks! rest you have to send me a cutesy little message~tofindoutmor e~!
    Make this something more simple, just like "I could go on, but that's what my inbox is for."
    __________________
    The six things I could never do without
    I am not that much of a Whiner and Crybaby that i cant live without 6 things. I'd say anything and everything can go! just put my loved ones in Noah's Ark for me wouldya?
    I like it. You could go cocky/funny and start to list a few things sarcastically, then change your mind and go with the Noahs Ark comment, but as it stands now, I'd say keep it in.

    ____________________ ______
    I spend a lot of time thinking about
    how i am going to STALK you and EAT you! MuahahahhahHAHAH (serial killer laugh!)
    There! I said it! now u know!... my deep secret! OMGWTF WILL I DO?! please dont call for the police!
    It's been said lol just take this part out.

    ____________________ _________
    On a typical Friday night I am
    Hunting Unicorns to extinction in the clouds full of 12 coloured rainbows in a Fantasy World that is beyond even your wildest imaginations. Care to join me? I know you want to!
    Here is a chance to casually DHV

    ____________________ ___
    The most private thing I知 willing to admit
    I................... ..Like.............. ...........GIRLS at least i think i do...
    Again, here is another chance to DHV with something simple.

    ____________________
    You should message me if
    You find me interesting and want to get to know more about me.... ORRRRRR..... <3 me and secretly stalk me.. SHOW YOURSELF!
    "You should message me if:
    You'd like a good chat." <simple
    ____________________ _
    Don't get me wrong, the spontaneous/quirky funniness is exactly what you want to use in a text or online opener, but your profile needs to be DHV / rapport material.

    Here's a few ideas to throw in DHV spikes (meant for conversation, but it works just as well for scripting a profile).
    http://www.puaforums.com/how-talk-gi...logy-eine.html
    DTF HB's omw 2 LTR


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