first, this is not the definitive answer on how to deal with ur BPD. there are tons of BPD posts, but since my experience and extensive homework on the subject is still fresh, i wanted to give some insight and thoughts.
IS UR GIRL BPD.?
1) does she put u on a pedestal one day and then treat u like the enemy at a moments notice.?
2) does she demand (& demands often) you see things her way, but only gets more angrier if you offer your view.?
3) does it feel like no matter how LOYAL and how agreeable you are - no matter how much you do for her... it's just not enough when she rages.?
4) are you expecting her to rage soon no matter how good the day is.?
HOW DO U SPOT A BPD.?
initially, you can't. because she can be the perfect girl. she cooks, cleans, has MANY friends, is intelligent - whatever.... you just can't until you've dated her a while.
however, BPDs mostly come from bad upbringing. abusive dad or absent parenting... it can also be magnified by all the jerks in this world that put her in perma. defense mode.
did NOT know how my awesome girl turned into a demon.
spoke to her through FB or texts strictly because i wanted to stay friends till she could recover from her last breakup 2.mths prior. so we had 4 months to figure out that we were very compatible and NOT crazy.
she presses to talk to me... we see each other - SDL - great romance - blah blah.
when she was good, she was PERFECT... cooks, cleans, babies you, sex was amazing...
then over time she became more demanding of the time i spend with girl buddies. she makes rules on how to hug them, respond them, dress for her, eat... etc. NIGHTMARE MODE.
HOW IT WENT TO SH*TS
i went AFC mode because she just said and did the right things when we were good. and it just makes a guy like me want to sing her my love everyday. this trained her that she could stab me and get away with it by treating me like a KING after.
added, i didn't understand that this was becoming a problem going out of hand, so did not seek help fast enough.
WHAT YOU MAY DO TO DEAL WITH BPD
lots of people say RUN AWAY FAR. and i think that it's the correct thing to do (VERY HARD). if u also note, u staying is a mark of a true AFC, because MEN/PUA can truly grasp that no woman is worth having a sh*tty life for. NO WOMAN.!
but if you decide you want to stay...
here's what worked for me:
1) let her rage. DO NOT respond until she's done. Give her ur side FIRMLY and, if you KNOW you are right, stick to your GUNS when she rages and CUT in that communication is breaking down and you have to leave the conversation. HANG UP/WALK AWAY FAST. --DO NOT ARGUE OVER TEXTS EVER--
2) read around on BPD and understand WHY she is the way she is (not HISTORY but psychologically)... since u decided to stick it out, you also agree to be lose your ALPHAness/EGO to fix how broken she is.
3) and take a look inward at yourself. why you are allowing her to be the B*TCH she is to you. when i looked inward, i found out that i had MR. NICE GUY syndrome and you may have that also. but u must ID why you are allowing this behavior to happen. A LOT of psychology books will say that only BROKEN people like to attract BROKEN people because they'd rather not see who they truly are themselves.
4) WISE WISE knowledge i learned from "NO MORE MR. NICE GUY" that u can ask urself when u date a BPD
A). would she still be around if she was THIS way after ur 2nd date.?
B). if NO -- then what would a REAL MAN do.?
more often than not, as i've learned, most people will lose their BPD - since this is a person who cannot control their illogical rages.
if u lose her, accept it. i personally felt a HUGE burden lifted off my shoulders and am somewhat happy. not to say i don't miss her to death, because that was someone that i allowed myself to trust and love unconditionally.
for how to handle ur BPD:
THE ESSENTIAL FAMILY GUIDE TO BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER
when i looked inward, i found i suffered from Mr. Nice Guy syndrome... so i read:
NO MORE MR. NICE GUY
GL BPD lovers.^^; i hope i helped in some kind of way.
PS. my BPD was just like one of the guys. she also showered me with expensive gifts, handed me tons of money, and was loyal only to me.... yet she was a straight up BPD and made my life suffer with her RAGE/GUILT fits. HER way or the HIGHWAY.... can u live like that.?