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  1. #1
    Konnect Life is offline PUA in Training
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    Question Damage Control (What Should I do After Screwing up Through Text?)

    For me, Texting (or knowing how to text girls properly) is like that one subject in school / high school that you could just never understand or pass, but you were required to take and pass it to be successful.

    HERE IS MY SITUATION AND QUESTION:

    1. I met this girl through another girl I knew at school.

    2. She found me fun and interesting and voluntarily gave me her number so she and I could hang out sometime. She showed lots of "signals" or "ioi's"

    3. We texted a bit back and fourth but I intentionally kept things very short since I know my texting skills usually screw everything up.

    4. We never got around to hanging out before I left town for holiday "vacation," but she was ALWAYS immediately or enthusiastically replying to my texts.

    4. Very recently I made the mistake of beginning to text her more often which led me to screwing up (but I managed to save myself).

    5. Today I use a technique for getting her on the phone that I learned from the Texting Bible," which is basically to say (paraphrasing here) "Hey, gotta minute?" Then when she replies, say "I'm going to call you so pick up your phone.

    6. She replied quickly to "gotta minute" by saying "depends, 4 wat?" and I did my thing then called and got no answer.

    7. Not knowing what to do, I stupidly said "Oh quit being scared and answer your phone before the world ends!" (I did this because I figured if I did nothing after calling and getting no answer when she was obviously there, it would make me look as if I was upset or reacting to the fact that she didn't answer, but I also knew I was screwing up when I sent that follow up text.)

    8. SHE REPLIED: "sorry was with my boyfriend and left my phone on the couch."

    9. Once again, I knew I was (now even more so) in a situation where if I didn't reply, I'd look like I was reacting or I was upset, so I stupidly said "I forgive you. Call me when you get a chance."

    Now, I'm not sure if she's familiar with my "I forgive you" joke-line that girls love, and even if she is, she may not remember me doing it with her when I met her, so it probably came across as "nice-guy-ish" through text (in addition to me saying dumb things with it).

    * I'm not asking what to do next since I know I'm pretty much screwed with this particular girl. However, I am asking what should I do or say if this (situation #6 and situation #8 above) happens again?

    * I should've came here to this forum and asked questions earlier BEFORE replying to her BOTH TIMES, but figured that if I waited for replies and no one replied to my post in a timely matter, then all the time I spent not texting her back while waiting would cause her to think I wasn't responding because I was upset with or reacting to her (which would also cause me to screw up and lose any chances of friendship or whatever I had with her).

    * And lastly, has anyone figured out how to still get by and not lose people despite making mistakes and not always knowing what you're supposed to say in texts?

  2. #2
    Autismus's Avatar
    Autismus is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Damage Control (What Should I do After Screwing up Through Text?)

    Quote Originally Posted by Konnect Life View Post
    For me, Texting (or knowing how to text girls properly) is like that one subject in school / high school that you could just never understand or pass, but you were required to take and pass it to be successful.

    HERE IS MY SITUATION AND QUESTION:

    1. I met this girl through another girl I knew at school.
    Cool, preselection.

    2. She found me fun and interesting and voluntarily gave me her number so she and I could hang out sometime. She showed lots of "signals" or "IOI's"
    Cool...

    3. We texted a bit back and fourth but I intentionally kept things very short since I know my texting skills usually screw everything up.
    Get a meetup to build attraction

    4. We never got around to hanging out before I left town for holiday "vacation," but she was ALWAYS immediately or enthusiastically replying to my texts.
    Sounds good, use sparse texts to keep attraction up

    4. Very recently I made the mistake of beginning to text her more often which led me to screwing up (but I managed to save myself).
    Lets see...

    5. Today I use a technique for getting her on the phone that I learned from the Texting Bible," which is basically to say (paraphrasing here) "Hey, gotta minute?" Then when she replies, say "I'm going to call you so pick up your phone.
    Send the follow-up if she IOI's

    6. She replied quickly to "gotta minute" by saying "depends, 4 wat?" and I did my thing then called and got no answer.
    "depends 4 wat" is an IOD = don't call her, say "never mind, got it" - or something

    7. Not knowing what to do, I stupidly said "Oh quit being scared and answer your phone before the world ends!" (I did this because I figured if I did nothing after calling and getting no answer when she was obviously there, it would make me look as if I was upset or reacting to the fact that she didn't answer, but I also knew I was screwing up when I sent that follow up text.)
    Should have froze out and/or said "never mind" like an hour or two later

    8. SHE REPLIED: "sorry was with my boyfriend and left my phone on the couch."
    Oooooh BIG IOD from her. disqualify her subtly and Fluff on

    9. Once again, I knew I was (now even more so) in a situation where if I didn't reply, I'd look like I was reacting or I was upset, so I stupidly said "I forgive you. Call me when you get a chance."
    This set is done. If you're "forgiving" her for an IOD then you've lost all frame control - plus asking her to call you: you're chasing her.

    Now, I'm not sure if she's familiar with my "I forgive you" joke-line that girls love, and even if she is, she may not remember me doing it with her when I met her, so it probably came across as "nice-guy-ish" through text (in addition to me saying dumb things with it).
    Yeah, 'fraid so

    * I'm not asking what to do next since I know I'm pretty much screwed with this particular girl. However, I am asking what should I do or say if this (situation #6 and situation #8 above) happens again?

    * I should've came here to this forum and asked questions earlier BEFORE replying to her BOTH TIMES, but figured that if I waited for replies and no one replied to my post in a timely matter, then all the time I spent not texting her back while waiting would cause her to think I wasn't responding because I was upset with or reacting to her (which would also cause me to screw up and lose any chances of friendship or whatever I had with her).

    * And lastly, has anyone figured out how to still get by and not lose people despite making mistakes and not always knowing what you're supposed to say in texts?
    1) stop chasing. If she IOD's (flakiness, disqualifier, etc) give her an IOD (neg or disqual or freezeout, etc). But if she IOI's, you can "reward" her with an IOI slightly smaller than hers

    2) Work on frame control:
    http://www.puaforums.com/game/17751-...nner-game.html
    DTF HB's omw 2 LTR

  3. #3
    Konnect Life is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Damage Control (What Should I do After Screwing up Through Text?)

    I thought asking / telling her to call me when she had the chance was "being alpha" and not only boldly telling her to do something despite the fact that she told me about a boyfriend, but I also thought I was showing that I was indifferently and carelessly leaving it up to her instead of trying to pursue her even more. Never thought that asking her to call when she gets a chance (which was a chance she could've easily chosen to never have) would translate to "me chasing her."

    I wish there was a Rosetta Stone for texting girls properly because it's like trying to dissect a different language of advanced physics.

    I'm not disappointed that she has a boyfriend. That's not what ticks me off. As a matter of fact, I don't think I would even know if I randomly passed by her on the streets because I don't remember what she looks like (and I'm sure she's still a teenager freshly out of high school, no older than 20). I only remember her enjoying my personality and wanting to get to know me more when we first met about 3 weeks ago on campus.

    --> However, what I AM extremely ticked and disappointed about is the fact that I've, once again, screwed up another situation with texting, which means I'm currently not prepared at all for if "the right girl" were to come along, and odds are if I ran into her now, and had to text her, I'd lose her as well. Just had my 32nd birthday and we're heading into a new year and I'm still struggling trying to get these kinds of things right...

    Not only that, but even when I knew I screwed up, I find out that the reason why I thought I screwed up itself was also wrong.

    And I don't even know how I came around to screwing this up in the first place. Most people screw up IN a text conversation. She and I weren't even in a conversation! I sent a first text and BAM! Somehow I was already done!

    By the way, the "hey, gotta minute?" was a mass text. When that girl sent back "Depends, 4 wat?" Another girl on the mass text list just happened to call me right when I was about to text the other girl back. So it was after I got off the phone with the one who called that I came up with the genius idea to text the other one back then call her. Now, with hind sight, I can see how the other girl got time to put her phone down and go do something else with someone else. Normally that "gotta minute" text technique works - IF you reply immediately to the other person's immediate response to "gotta minute?".... But I guess either way, her "depends, 4 wat?" reply wasn't a good response and it probably wouldn't have gone well anyway even if I did get her on the phone at that moment.

    Still not sure HOW I caused her to become disinterested - unless my previous text screw up from a few nights before that I thought I saved myself from was a deal-breaker (and if it was, then I don't see why she talked to me throughout the next day).

  4. #4
    Konnect Life is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Damage Control (What Should I do After Screwing up Through Text?)

    Quote Originally Posted by Autismus View Post
    This set is done. If you're "forgiving" her for an IOD then you've lost all frame control - plus asking her to call you: you're chasing her.
    I don't think it's done for good. I will, more than likely, see her in person again in January - and in person is where I often have the power to fix things with people. But holidays or any times when I'll have to depend on texting to keep in touch with her I do risk screwing up again.

  5. #5
    Konnect Life is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Damage Control (What Should I do After Screwing up Through Text?)

    WHY THIS IS SO CONFUSING:

    Just thought about something!

    About a few months ago I also had another girl text me, saying the reason she stopped texting / talking to me the night before was because her boyfriend came over. I would assume that this would also be an IOD if what happened in my original post was also an IOD.



    Flash forward to December and here are three highlights to consider:




    1. She and I still text rather frequently and meet up with each other (and sometimes she initiates the texts).

    2. On a few occasions she and I shared a private study room in the campus library (which SHE planned out and also waited there for me to arrive). One day I had to leave and come back and she waited there 30 - 40 minutes for me to return, only for me to take her home a few minutes afterwards. Her reason for having me take her home was so "I could know where she lives." (Normally her boyfriend just comes and picks her up.) This was after an ENTIRE DAY of hanging out with her.

    3. Another time, her boyfriend ended up unexpectedly walking in on us in a different private study room and she was soooo shocked and surprised. Luckily it happened during the ONE TIME I wasn't touching and being affectionate with her because I had turned away for a few seconds to put a few things in my bag (but I'm still sure that it was obvious to him that something was up by the look on her face when he unexpectedly actually found the room and came in). That was the FIRST day we actually spent the day together, by the way...



    ____________________ ____________________ ____________________ ____________________ ___________

    A LITTLE BACKGROUND & FURTHER DETAIL (From Screw up to Success... How Was THIS Possible?):

    --> After only texting her for a few months after meeting her, I (also) eventually did the "gotta minute? / I'm gonna call you" thing with her and got no answer. I received a text asking why I called and if it was important. Few days later I tried it again (a little differently the second time) and STILL no answer. She ended up returning that second call (which lead to us planning another day to hang out). She even somewhat flaked a few times after our first day hanging out(meaning she'd show up to the place where we were supposed to meet very late and not tell me she was there not realizing that I saw her show up) and she also didn't meet up with me the following day we had set to meet up. She blamed me for "not being available" when it was clearly her that needed to explain herself and explain what she was doing or tell me where she was. It was after this when we had the next actual meet up where we spent an day together and she waited 30-40 minutes for me to do something then wanted me to take her home so I could know where she lives and told me I'm invited to come over whenever. That same night I texted her saying I went somewhere after taking her home and she asked why I didn't invite her to come with me saying that she wanted to go.

    So I have no idea if these are "ioi's" or "IOD's" or what's going on because that was technically supposed to be an "IOD text screw up" as well. As a matter of fact, I started my whole first few months of texting her doing nothing but screwing up and saying dumb things before actually hanging out with her for a first time.

    Not only that, but after actually hanging out and having fun, she asked me my full name so she could find and keep in touch with me on facebook. I ended up taking almost two weeks to accept it because the first day I saw the request, I "put it aside" then forgot that I hadn't accepted it yet (until yesterday). She also ALWAYS wants a full explanation for almost every little thing I do or say to her (like if I text "Something I saw reminded me of you so I thought I'd stop by and say hello" etc.). It drives her crazy when I almost never give direct answers or change the subject or tease her. Every time we hang out it's always a bunch of laughing, banter teasing, flirting, and fun.

    I got this girl's number off of a student college organization starter signature form that I had her sign upon meeting her a few months back. The FIRST text I ever got back from her was "How the hell did you get my number?" That's how this entire thing started. Not only that, but for many weeks afterwards I broke the rules by texting her back and forth A LOT and even having her stop texting on me after a while or whenever I'd mess up by saying the wrong things. In some ways I believe that all this had to be WORSE than what happened in my original post.... yet look at us now.

    This is why all this is so confusing.

  6. #6
    Konnect Life is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Damage Control (What Should I do After Screwing up Through Text?)

    Well, to keep it short, looks as if they both return my texts now. And super fast, too. Somehow I believe the girl in my original post thinks (or at one point thought) I liked her. I'm sure she's a great girl, but.... I don't even know her enough to like her.

    This doesn't mean I think my text or phone game has suddenly gotten any better. It just means that I have to set up a system to avoid screwing up again. Until I come up with an established complete set of phone rules for myself, it's 1. No calls longer than 3 minutes (regardless of who initiated the phone call and the three minutes still counts down and disconnects on the 3rd minute if I get placed on hold) and 2, No more than 4 to 5 texts sent back & fourth (including the other person's reply texts) before ending the conversation.

    That should keep me safe for now.

  7. #7
    Konnect Life is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Damage Control (What Should I do After Screwing up Through Text?)

    .....And she just texted me her new number. WOW

    We had a short text convo where she asked what I was doing and I told her i was preparing for my radio show this week. Then she said "that's crazy....I wanna hear... etc." and I told her I was about to talk with one of my favorite artists but Ill give her the link to the station or she should find me on facebook and left it at that. I also kept my 4 to 5 lines MAXIMUM text rule! lol

    By the way, I didn't make any of that stuff up- I was actually in the middle of all that when I noticed her text and she happened to choose to text me on a good night for me to naturally dhv.



    Anyway, I think you guys get the point and see where this is going now so I'll let this be my final post and wrap this up. I don't know HOW I do it. SOMEHOW I (now) manage to fix these situations where I screw up. I guess "Damage Control" was an appropriate title for this after all (despite the fact that I now realize it was far from being an original title for posts here)!

  8. #8
    inter1010 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Damage Control (What Should I do After Screwing up Through Text?)

    hello,

    question for you: Are you banging(having sex) with these girls?

    You seem soooo invested in them. why?

    A little advice: If you mess up ONE txt or TWO txt or whatever, it DOESNT mean that you lost her forever! get that outta your head. All this txt GAME stuff, and yadda yadda, its useful but not the only way to secure a girl. If you create enough attraction with a girl and then build comfort, SHE will chase YOU.... Secondly you have to get in the mind frame of "so what!" if I lose them. This may be hard if you inner game isn't there yet.

    Now the most important thing is to ask yourself "What do I want"? ... "What do you want?"....
    A girlfriend? a FWB? .... Know what you want and go after it. also, realize that girls have no idea what they want. One day its this, the other day is that. Thats why as a man you have to LEAD them and show them your what they want. cheers


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