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  1. #1
    Konnect Life is offline PUA in Training
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    Question Damage Control 2 (How Can I stop Myself From Screwing up Through Text?)

    So once again, I (to put it delicately) "screwed up" again. At least I had 24 hours to recover from my previous screw up with another girl.

    I was having a nice banter text convo with another girl and the conversation went kind of like this:

    Following some previous playful banter, she says "gay guys make me laugh," which was an indirect way of her playfully calling me gay because I always make her laugh and brighten her day. This is what led to the rest of the convo below:

    ME I make you laugh too

    HER Oh really, make me laugh then

    ME Oh trust me, I will!

    HER will you? I haven't seen you trying yet.

    ME Because I don't try. I just do. But I only give it to u when u least expect it, not when u ask for it. It's more meaningful that way

    HER: no it's not

    ME Ok you win

    HER good

    ME How does it feel to win this argument, ....?

    HER you don't understand arguments with me apparently. Still.

    ME Ok then next time we meet we're just going to have a big fight. Why? So I can learn to understand u better Then we can make up afterwards after I win.

    HER That's not generally how arguments work. Especially with me.

    ME What do you mean? Hmmmm... are you trying to say that it needs to be spontaneous because its not the same when its done on command? ...

    HER Well duh. That's part of it

    ME Ha! So like I said, some things are best when its unexpected, not when asked for.

    ME I love that smile on your face, by the way.

    HER You are such a creepy stalker

    ME Thank you

    ME Glad I could make you laugh

    HER I didn't laugh. You're just being a creepy ass stalker.

    ME Am I?

    HER Yeah, Kind of

    ME Please explain

    HER Maybe I just don't have the time to do that

    ME You could always come all the way to (city I'm currently in) where I'm stalking you and talk about it.


    I did end it by later saying "Have a good night. Try not to take things too personally."

    Now, do keep in mind that it's not nearly as mean as it looks in typing because we do this ALL the time and it's likely we'll be texting again before the weekend is over and it will be all laughs and smiles when we meet again next semester.

    HOWEVER:

    The fact that I somehow ended up being called a "Creepy Ass Stalker" automatically means I screwed up because those terms SHOULD NOT ever come to a girl's mind when I'm texting her. This is THE FIRST time she has ever said something like this. She also knows I'm out of town so there's no way I could possibly be stalking her. I also wasn't the one who searched for and requested her on facebook (twice), and I was never the one to initiate conversations on her page or private messages, AND ---> I also wasn't the one who kept trying to invite her to my place then got upset and deleted her because she always turned down the offer to come over to my place saying that she made it hard for me to trust her because she was too unpredictable or hard to understand..... But SHE, on the other hand, did ALL those things to me... and we remained friends because I never reacted to any of those things and consistently remained a fun, playful, charismatic guy regardless of her behavior (and she even thanked me for managing to deal with all that). So yes, worse has happened, yet we're still communicating and meeting up occasionally.

    In addition to this, the only reason she could come to the conclusion that calling me a stalker was appropriate is if I was right about knowing that she was either laughing or smiling when I called her out on it. I know her enough to know that she was at least smiling when I did a play on words with her and unexpectedly made her admit I was right about everything.

    I guess technically I didn't screw up because as I said, I know 100% for sure that we will talk again. But I do know that if this were any other girl, I probably would've permanently screwed myself out of ever being able to talk to or see them again. That's what ticks me off the most - just knowing that I cannot trust myself not to screw up and having to question and monitor everything I say because I don't have the perfect texting skills that many others have. I hate that feeling of getting a text then having to decide whether I wish to (A) just don't reply or (B) risk screwing everything up.

    I just wish communicating with and understanding other human beings was a lot easier and I didn't have to be perfect and always know the say the right things to say to have success in text & message communications and the opposite sex. It takes so much more effort to make and keep friends / relationships than it does to lose people or get into fights because of all the strict rules and requirements required for having consistent success.




    I guess the question here is

    DID I SCREW UP HERE? Or was it ALL facetious teasing?

  2. #2
    YOKiTran's Avatar
    YOKiTran is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Damage Control 2 (How Can I stop Myself From Screwing up Through Text?)

    ur text game is boring... altho u do challenge her somewhat.

    u dun wanna ever try to PROVE something to a girl - especially if u don't have the punch/proof.

    since ur text is still early, u can salvage

    just do a search on text game... i'm personally dead tired of telling eah person how. sorry.^^

  3. #3
    Konnect Life is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Damage Control 2 (How Can I stop Myself From Screwing up Through Text?)

    What do you mean by "early?" I've known, talked with, have texted and seen this girl for a while. There's a little more to the entire story. However, this is the first time I messed up this badly and she actually had to say something to me that blatantly reminded me of why I should avoid texting whenever possible.

    There are times we'd just go back and forth sporadically all day (whether it was her or I who starts it). I just didn't know that this time things would go array. Now that I think of it, it had to be the things I said in the previous text conversations I had with her before the last continuation part of the conversation I posted above that jacked me up.

    Now I've learned my lesson - I will limit to only doing three to four lines of text - and only text whenever necessary. Only problem is another texting expert recommends not to limit your texts with some women because always leaving her to have the last word or ending prematurely can be just as fatal as going to far and screwing up with some girls. In some ways this seems like a Catch 22...

  4. #4
    Konnect Life is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Damage Control 2 (How Can I stop Myself From Screwing up Through Text?)

    Well, she just poked me on facebook.

    She also sent me a text this morning (Monday) at 2:20 am asking me to remind her to poke me tomorrow (it was a joke related to something I posted on facebook). I facetiously replied saying "Ok, I'll be sure to remind you on Tuesday." I woke up to see she replied saying "I meant this morning like 7 hours from now, not Tuesday."

    I coincidentally happened to wake up 7 hours from that text. I replied telling her "Well first you've gotta wake up, Sleepyhead" in which she replied "I've been up since 730." Then she logged into facebook and poked me.

    OH, and good thing I woke up when I did .... to catch the last topic on Hot 98.3's morning show, which was about how some statistics somewhere find that women find men with a goatee to be creepy. The girl on the morning show agreed. Seems like anything can be creepy these days. Odd thing was that morning show girl also didn't like Brad Pitt's goatee... So I wonder which is worse; Bad texting or having a goatee? Did Brad Pitt screw up?

    Anyway, back on topic.... like I said, I knew I'd hear from that girl again. I now just avoid texting her too much - and I'm sure she's going to notice, but that's just the way it's going to be.

    Lastly, I had my best friend, the one who's exceptionally great with women and is the perfect example of a good guy with a bad boy attitude, peer review my texts and he loves them and thinks their hilarious! So after thinking and a couple hours of conversing with folks about this over the past three days, I've come to the conclusion that everybody's different and people like different things. My friend told me "stop trying to learn what works and what doesn't work and just learn how to work the girl. They're all different....." ..And getting back to the goatee thing; It was interesting how a lot of the girls who called in disagreed that guys with goatee's were creepy. So, like I said, they're different. It mainly depends on the girl.

    My friend and I did get into a much deeper level of conversation about girls and texting when I popped the question "So are there really any rules when it comes to women, dating and texting? And if not, then how do you explain the fact that there are some things that just happen to work and some things that don't work and it was all noticeable enough to the point that people were able to notice a pattern and come up with specific solutions for it?" I will not get into that full discussion here, though.

    WITH THAT BEING SAID:
    My best friend, who has a huge crush on my younger sister, sent her a text saying something along the lines of "I love you so much... etc." It was 100% heartfelt mushy stuff - things that you are NOT supposed to ever ever ever text a girl you like! She didn't reply. HOWEVER, I was there when it happened to talk about it with her and she was there for nearly an hour THINKING about it and feeling bad because she didn't know what to say back. She wanted to reply because she cared too much about him to just not reply, BUT she didn't know what to say. She eventually got tired and fell asleep that night without replying. If it weren't for me to be there to investigate, NONE of us would've ever known it was weighing so deeply on her mind (So did he REALLY screw up by getting all heartfelt with her?)
    TWO INTERESTING THINGS HERE:
    1. Although she was thinking deeply about it, all he could see from his end was no reply from her.
    2. If it was someone she didn't care about then she wouldn't have even thought twice about replying and probably would've considered it creepy

    By the way, they went out TWICE since that incident.









    So, are there really any rules?

  5. #5
    Konnect Life is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Damage Control 2 (How Can I stop Myself From Screwing up Through Text?)

    Oh great. Just realized that now I have to debate on whether or not I should poke her back.

    three options:
    1. Poke her back......... which may or may not be creepy.
    2. Don't poke her back and make it come across like I'm reacting to the "creepy ass stalker" situation

    3. Delete my facebook page.



    I guess I should just play along with the game. Normally I don't poke people regardless of whether or not they do it to me, but this time I will...... maybe later or tomorrow or something.

  6. #6
    Konnect Life is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Damage Control 2 (How Can I stop Myself From Screwing up Through Text?)

    Just got a text from her saying that she heard a song (a certain song I used to tease her with months ago)while she was out and it reminded her of me.

    I must be very very VERY good at this Damage Control stuff because I don't know how I'm fixing these situations!

    Problem is I have NO IDEA what to say back now.


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