In return for casting a critical eye over my profile earlier in the year I offered to help a female friend of mine write hers. We took a look at all the ladies profiles in my area in order to establish the clichés and steer well clear of them.
You won’t be surprised to learn that the three most repeated sentences on women’s profiles are; ‘I like to laugh’, ‘I love music’ and, ‘I love to travel’ (or variations of). In fact, more than 80% the profiles we looked at included one of these lines – many of them all three!
It is so defining a cliché I even ran a profile for a while that completely ripped on girls for using those lines – and it was my most messaged profile I’ve ever used! (I’m probably going to incorporate elements of that profile back into my latest edit).
I got thinking, ‘what is the clichéd male profile?’ (aside of course from pictures taken of themselves in a mirror with their shirt off). Well, I’m off work for the festive season, I’m out in the country with my folks, it’s raining outside and the extended family have gone home, so, I took some time to take a look. If you want your profile to stand out try to avoid mentioning the following most overused statements on male online dating profiles...
3. Third most over-used line – ‘I like music’
Like the girls, the guys are just as guilty at over-using this line. Do you know anyone who DOESN’T like music? The answer is probably no. So what do you think this statement actually says about you? Nothing. Absolutely nadda. At best, it says ‘I’m normal’ and that’s not good enough. At worst it says I’ve got nothing interesting to talk about and that’s terrible.
Almost as bad is listing the type of music you’re into. By doing that you’re implying that you’re intolerant of people who like other genres (whether or not it’s true) and if her interests don’t match she should steer clear which is a bad signal to be sending out.
If you do have something like this written in your profile try these instead. ‘Checking out the local live music scene with my friends at the weekends is one of my favourite things to do’, or, ‘You might have seen me before dancing like a loon out in town to just about any music’. It makes a boring statement into a social and fun activity.
2. Second most over-used line - ‘This is my first time using online dating...’ or ‘I’m not really sure about online dating, but...’
Anything like this implies that using online dating is somehow taboo or shameful. Which, implies that online dating is your last resort. What self-respecting girl wants to be your last resort? This is a sure fire way to get your profile ignored. Worse, it serves to impound the social taboo that she has in her head that online dating is somehow a bad way to meet people.
1. The most over-used line – ‘I spend a lot of time in the gym’
What you’re trying to say is, ‘I have an interest in my health and fitness, and I have a good body because of this’. Going to the gym is a good thing to do. However, this statement will may not come across how it is intended. The gym is generally speaking not a social environment for most people. Most people go to the gym because they feel they have to and generally speaking don’t enjoy it. This is especially true for women. She can’t connect with you at the gym, and she probably doesn’t want to either. Unfortunately what it implies is a sense of vanity and she’ll be competing with your flexing in the mirror time, and well, you’ve already blown it anyway by telling her you’re vain.
This is especially bad if it’s your main point. Instead, if you play sports mention this instead. Sports are interactive and social, you need to be fit and you probably do go to the gym to stay in shape, but you don’t have to say it. If you don’t play sports but just go to the gym to stay trim, then simply put ‘I have an avid interest in my health and fitness’, or leave it out and let your pictures do the talking (er, did I mention photos of yourself in the mirror with your top off? Don’t do that).
Other common offences:
Bad grammar and spelling. Every profile I looked at had
spelling and grammar mistakes. Now, I’m not a grammar nazi, so for me to spot errors without looking in every profile I looked at says a lot. Honestly, do you think anyone is going to take your seriously if you’ve not even bothered to check your profile for spelling or grammar errors? It makes you look childish – extremely unsexy. One of the worst I saw was by a primary school teacher!
Excessive use of exclamation marks. If you read a sentence out loud with an exclamation mark the sentence is intended to be shouted. Some profiles I read ended EVER sentence with an exclamation mark. And some of those profiles shouldn’t have had even one!
Talking about your physical appearance. That’s why you have photos.
Repeating any information that is included in the general information on your profile. You don’t need to mention your height, hair colour, age, profession, city, ethnicity, education, religion, marital status, if you smoke, etc., etc. if the site you use already lists it.
Admitting that your profile is crap. To quote directly from one profile in front of me earlier today, ‘LOL that doesn't make me sound very interesting. Just give me a try’. I want to know at the point that guy realised he didn’t sound interesting why he didn’t think of changing what he had written. ‘Give me a try’, nobody is going to do that if you can’t be bothered to explain why they should give you a try.
Listing your hates. Go ahead and list what you like (if you can’t find a more creative way to do it), but listing your hates makes you sound very negative, and that is very unattractive.
‘I’m a nice guy’. First of all, ‘nice’ is a terrible word and doesn’t really mean anything. Secondly, ‘nice guys’ are boring and tame. No matter what they say no woman wants a ‘nice guy’. Note: I don’t mean you should say ‘I’m a bastard’, but frankly, even that would be better.
Using zero humour. Not one of the profiles I read today contained even the slightest drop of humour. A sense of humour if the sexiest thing you can have and want her to associate good feelings with you as early as possible – start with your profile. I don’t mean writing a corny ‘knock, knock’ joke, but just try to raise a smile with the words you are using.
Feel free to add any more I might have missed!