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  • 1 Post By BatMan
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Thread: Does she want a relationship?

  1. #1
    chiefster1976 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Does she want a relationship?

    HI guys..
    So i met this girl on a dating site.. First date was a pub dinner,second date invited to her place for takeaway and drinks.. Great rapport between us, flirty cocky funny attraction...
    Third date, she invited me to her place to cook me a steak dinner followed by a drink session, fun on the wii..

    Heres the dilema.. She asked if i wanted to stay and i said whatever is cool taxi home or crash.
    Great meal and desert music and fun and laughs on the wii..Just an overall good night..After MANY drinks we escalate into talking about sex and she mentioned she has friends who are married and have beeen chatting for 1 year about having a 3 some with another girl and wanted her to do it...She said its supposed to be happening this friday coming but shes still a little unsure to do it...

    This girl has no inibitions and has had many boyfriends and dabbled in girl on girl before in the past...
    WE are not exclusive of course just after 3 dates and going with the flow she likes to use, which im fine with,( im far from needy but looking for something REAL) she says shes looking for the right guy to settle with but she apolagised telling me about the 3 some being tipsey and all..(if it happens)
    Strangely enough i got passed the shock of WTF, shes looking for the right guy AND dating a guy but may end up screwing her friends because at the moment shes single...
    I ended up giving her a massage which led into great sex last night and again in the morning,mostly my escalation but i just thought screw it and go for it...
    It may seem kind of awkard but we went with her sister to the movies the next day and didnt seem to make a difference much spending more time and shes keen to get together again...
    Im just really confused how to handle this situation...Im kind of thinking if she goes ahead with the 3 some im definatly not keen to date this chick long term!!! But I like her and i know she likes me, how do i show here im not willing to condone shaggin around even wether we are exclusive or not.....Help this so confusing?????
    Maybe ill say are we ok to date others??

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Does she want a relationship?

    I would own up and take the lead. She may be looking for your direction. Here's the trick though...

    You can't tell her not to do it. That exhibits controlling behavior. But what you CAN do is state your standards and expectations. Tell her that because you are interested in something further with her, you wouldn't like her to do that. You could even say that you aren't interested in someone who behaves that way. That's it.

    Don't argue or try to convince her why she shouldn't do it. It's her life, her choice. Just like it's your choice whether to deal with someone who behaves in such a way. Having standards doesn't just help you personally as a man, it makes you more desirable in her eyes. Only men of value have standards. Hope this helps and good luck.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  3. #3
    chiefster1976 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Does she want a relationship?

    Thanks Batman.. What your saying is very true and sounds so simple hey!
    I Kind of already said at the time she told me that although we are not exclusive just dating, i was enjoying getting to know each other and we both know we are interested in each other, but dont like the idea your interested in having sex with someone else while we are dating, but we are not exclusive so im not going to tell you what you should do!!
    Maybe now we had a passion night of sex she may think differently..
    Maybe its just a shit test, to see how i react in a jeliousy situtaion or if she flirts with guys while im with her?? She already said shes a bit flirty but doesnt sleep around or take it further..
    Reason i say this shes admitted to not having alot of real good friends and maybe shes just trying to show false higher value of herself to impress me!!

    Would you ask if shes continuing to date others and having sex or ask if should we should be free to date others?
    I dont want to do this as i have already said that while im dating someone i will not date others out of respect for the one im dating to see if it going to work between us!!

    Thanks in advance for your replies..(thanks Batman)

  4. #4
    beaker52 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Does she want a relationship?

    You need to discuss your values in this area quite candidly with each other.

    You need to qualify that she holds values that satisfy your needs, and that yours satisfy her needs. You're looking for compatibility.

    Like Batman says, she might be looking for you to take the lead and tell her what you'd like the relationship to be like.

    But what I will say is that if what is suggested isn't what she truly desires (ie. values), there's a strong likelihood of the relationship breaking down in that area, through disagreement, infidelity or whatever. Though this has probably occurred to you.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Does she want a relationship?

    I actually keep my dating life pretty personal. I usually don't say if I'm seeing anyone else or not. If they ask I just tell her that it's too early to discuss these things. It is risky to tell her you are only seeing her if she isn't seeing just you. Of course I've had women go out of their way to date other men because they knew I was dating other women. So it just comes down to your choice.

    It could definitely be a shit test. Women do that all the time and NEVER fess up to it lol. I take it as a compliment she is testing me because I'm such a great test taker.

    As for asking if you should be seeing other people I think it depends on your roles. If she is used to taking charge then it should be fine to ask what she wants. If she's a bit timid and looking for you to lead then it'll be up to you to tell her when you are ready to move things forward. Or you could just keep doing push/pull until she starts suggesting you should just be together already. Again there are too many variables to say which is the best route so use your best judgment.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  6. #6
    beaker52 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Does she want a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    I actually keep my dating life pretty personal. I usually don't say if I'm seeing anyone else or not. If they ask I just tell her that it's too early to discuss these things. It is risky to tell her you are only seeing her if she isn't seeing just you. Of course I've had women go out of their way to date other men because they knew I was dating other women. So it just comes down to your choice.
    BatMan makes an important point. You've only been on 3 dates. That's not many. You're still learning about one another. She might need far more dates before establishing, or feeling it important enough to even discuss any kind of exclusivity.

    I would like to just say that keeping your mouth shut and letting her conduct herself openly with you will show *you* far more of what *she* is *really* like than trying to actively encourage certain behaviours (or at least the impression of them) would. You want to find out what she's really like? Let her do as she chooses and observe how she conducts herself.

  7. #7
    chiefster1976 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Does she want a relationship?

    You have some great points.. I feel i need to take the lead and say im not into her idea of the 3 some or open relationships. And leave it at that..Leave the ball in her courst so to speak..
    But i guess i need to meet her face to face ASAP and say what i want and ask whats she wants out of it?

    Batman Quote;
    It could definitely be a Sh1t Test. Women do that all the time and NEVER fess up to it lol. I take it as a compliment she is testing me because I'm such a great test taker. ;end quote;

    What makes you a great test taker?? you mean just being able to work out her shit tests?

    'BAtman Quote;' Or you could just keep doing push/pull until she starts suggesting you should just be together already. 'End Quote'

    Doing Push Pull would this work in such a short space of time?, as her plan is supposed to be happening this week end if it does happen

  8. #8
    chiefster1976 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Does she want a relationship?

    I will have an oppertunity to sort this on thursday as she is coming to my place for dinner!. Im thinking i should try to reignite the attraction but looking for ideas to best tackle that bareing in mind that she knows im not into the 3 some idea?????
    The tone of her voice seems a little distant from previous convos, as she knows she slipped up when she told me!!

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Does she want a relationship?

    Ive got to be honest, if i was seeing a girl and she even mentioned that she was contemplating having a threesome with anyone i would next her just like that. One of the other posters said they dont go for conservative girls-they are the type I only go for personally. If your looking for a good time youve found it, this girl will definately be down for a threesome, shes basically told you so! As a partner though, this girl just failed one of my sh1t tests rights there (can you count your sexual partners on two hands, have you had a threesome- fail=next)


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