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Thread: Girl I've been dating flaking/acting distant

  1. #1
    mth185 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Girl I've been dating flaking/acting distant

    So I started dating this girl about 6 weeks ago, things were going great up until the past few days. We don't get to see each other all that much because our schedules clash, but we've hung out twice a week or so and texted back and forth a lot. Just over a week ago she texts me (exact words) "there is still a lot I wanna know about you, you're keeping my interest and I like that. I like the pace we are on but you're amazing and I like how things are going."

    That was Christmas night. Continued to text back and forth, but didn't see each other until New Years day. Went to the mummers parade on NYD with our respective friends but all hung out together, I ended up going back to her local watering hole with her and her friends. Somehow I think this is where things started going south. At first everything was fine, but then she went across the bar and started talking to some other guy. It's entirely possible that this guy is just her friend seeing how it's her local spot, but she usually makes it a point to introduce me to her friends, both guys and girls. She didn't with this one. I didn't make a big deal out of it, just continued to hang out with her friends on the other side.

    She splits her time between the two sides of the bar over the next hour or so, I finally tell her I'm gonna take off - had my friends party to go to. She showed no interest at all in coming with me, didn't try to convince me to stay like she normally would, and really barely even acknowledged the fact that I was leaving. That's when I recognized something was wrong, but again I didn't make a big deal. Gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and told her I'd talk to her later.

    That was tuesday, since then we've had very little contact and what contact we have had has been short and much different in tone from what we've had over the last month and a half. Obviously something's up, just getting that bad vibe.

    So far I've kept my cool...but what's move here? Do I even have one? Normally I'd just say "screw it" and move on to the next one, but I'd like to make it work with this girl. Don't get me wrong she's not the be-all end-all for me, just would like to keep it going.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Girl I've been dating flaking/acting distant

    Wow this sounds a bit tough because it doesn't seem you did anything blatantly wrong.

    The thing about this game stuff is that it only increases our chances, not guarantee them. This guy could've been an ex or even another guy she's been seeing before she met you. But thinking about this only empowers the obstacles. You have to behave that he doesn't even exist.

    There are a few options:

    - You can play it cool and just contact her normally. There's little emotional impact, but you keep your cool points and don't look beta.

    -You can wait until she contacts you. That way you know she is receptive to you because she contacted you first. But this could take awhile or not even happen. This is a higher risk.

    - Lastly you can confront her. This is the highest risk, but the best reward. If you let her know that her behavior that night was unacceptable (don't ask her why she behaved that way. Just state your expectations.) then you are setting standards of what you expect from her. Men of value have standards and are therefore challenging. Of course this could backfire if she doesn't give two sh*ts about you. So use your best judgment. If you feel she would be damn near devastated if you walked out of her life then by all means, confront her.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  3. #3
    mth185 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Girl I've been dating flaking/acting distant

    Thanks for the reply, but I should clarify that it wasn't even so much her behavior that night that bugs me, I'm not the clingy type, if she wants to talk to the guy, whoever it may be, that's up to her...it's been her behavior since then that's getting to me. I hate when girls start flaking out and acting all distant like that, I'd rather she just say something if she's not feelin it. Would it be a bad move to confront her about that?

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Girl I've been dating flaking/acting distant

    If you suspect she doesn't care then yes it would be a bad move to confront her. You only confront a woman who values you and wouldn't want to lose you. If she doesn't care or you haven't made an impact yet then she will see you as clingy and full of drama.

    My suggestion is to contact her in a couple of days and gauge how she responds. If she is still distant then she just may have tunnel vision on that guy, which is very difficult to shake if she likes him that much. At that point only giving it time will help you.

    Try to contact her at night when she is least distracted. And don't do it on the weekend since she will likely be out.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  5. #5
    mth185 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Girl I've been dating flaking/acting distant

    I would say that she values me based on our interactions over the last 6 weeks...and I'm not even sure who this guy was though, for all I know he could've been a friend she hasn't seen in a while, like I said I never got the intro. We made plans the other day to go to dinner tomorrow night, so I guess I'll wait and see if she contacts me before then...otherwise I'll give it a few days and see what happens I guess. She worked overnight last night so I'm sure she's in bed now.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Girl I've been dating flaking/acting distant

    Lol I work overnight as well. No pun intended because of my nickname.
    Then it would be great to contact her at night since everyone will be asleep and she will be wide awake.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  7. #7
    hyp
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    Default Re: Girl I've been dating flaking/acting distant

    ^do not underestimate this advice, when its "late" and she's up that's the best time or when she wakes up to a morning text

  8. #8
    mth185 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Girl I've been dating flaking/acting distant

    She doesn't always do the overnight shift, her schedule fluctuates, but I definitely see your point.

    I ran into one of our mutual friends last night (the one who actually got us together) and told her about what was going on, so she's on the case haha. She knows to be subtle so I'm not worried about that.

    Anyway, like I said we had made plans to have dinner tonight, but I haven't heard from her since thursday night...don't think I should be the one to re-initiate contact.

  9. #9
    yummytwinkies is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Girl I've been dating flaking/acting distant

    I really think she was sh1t testing you.

    "there is still a lot I wanna know about you, you're keeping my interest and I like that. I like the pace we are on but you're amazing and I like how things are going."

    In the past 6 weeks, it seems like you have been doing your job well based on that quote from her. She wants to get to know you more, take the next step in the relationship, but its been 6 weeks and she wants to force your hand sort of speak.

    " i like the pace we are on BUT you are amazing.."
    LOL thats funny basically means i want a higher pace.

    She wants you , or someone, to take the next step. Do whatever you do to get there.

    For her bar splitting stuff she pulled on you, i know this is all hindsight, but the best way to handle that sort of stuff is to assert your presence, your dominance, by making out with her and getting intimate right in the bar so the other guy can see.

  10. #10
    mth185 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Girl I've been dating flaking/acting distant

    Well it's been resolved, turns out it was actually just a misunderstanding on both our parts, I can kinda see why she was pissed though...but I also definitely think it was a sh!t test of sorts too, which I passed. She still seems a little off to me - but I'm chalking that up to the amount of hours she's been working the last week, except for Saturday she's either been at work or in bed.


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