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Thread: Was I too cocky through text?

  1. #1
    Looper is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Was I too cocky through text?

    This girl I've known for a few weeks now. She has a boyfriend, and seems to be a good relationship. I have no intentions of breaking them up, but that doesn't stop me from forming a platonic relationship with her. She knows that I exude confidence, but at the same time I've shown humility and sensibility.

    We've been texting back and forth recently. In fact, it was her giving me her number when I didn't even ask for it . I did bait her into giving me her number, though that's a story for another time.

    I think for this specific girl, I've built up enough of a frame to where even if I come of as super cocky, it fits my frame, and she'll see it as jest, rather than be turned off by it. But for the sake of argument, would this text exchange be appropriate for any random girl, or would it come off as too cocky?

    So the premise of this text exchange is as followed. The girl and I went to get Vietnamese pho noodle soup for lunch on Friday. Just the two of us. When we came back to work, we met Seth in the parking lot. Seth has a girlfriend and knows she has a boyfriend. But Seth is pretty AFC and is also friends with her. He works in IT and helps her out a lot. He was a bit sick so she gave him her leftover pho. Rather shamelessly might I add, told him she bought it just for him. She also had lend out her cup to him, which she meant to get back from him that day.

    (After she had left work)

    Her: I forgot my cup

    Me: I had Seth wash, gift-wrap, and deliver it right to your desk ready for you Monday morning when you come in. Tipping would be a desired gesture here.

    (No response from her for a day, below is pretty much rapid fire)

    Her: He was still there?

    (My last message was kinda late in the day)

    Me: It ain't easy cleaning your stuff

    Her: Why? It's just a cup.

    Me: Ha don't try to get out of tipping. Which you have been doing so every time IT helps you right?

    Her: That's what the soup was for. Duh!

    Me: Yes! I'm gonna try that next time, just leave my to go as tip for the waiter.

    Her: Your to go?

    Me: Takeout, leftovers, scraps

    (Didn't like my response here, too direct, so I added this: )

    Me: Come to think of it I did leave some leftover pho for our waiter. And I still gave him a monetary tip. On top of that service was slow. I'm such a great person.

    Her: Whatever makes you feel better. Was that your good deed of the day?

    Me: Just one good deed a day? Every action I perform is a good deed.

    So at the end there I felt it may have gotten a bit too cocky. I was just having too much fun . Also I consciously didn't really want to go on with the rapid fire texting for the moment. So my last text I purposely made it one where the girl didn't need to respond to.

    But overall, how does The Vibe of that exchange feel to everyone? A bit too cocky, especially if the girl doesn't know you well enough to know it fits in your frame?

  2. #2
    pickuptranslator is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Was I too cocky through text?

    Ok i could not resist answering your question.
    1. Do not question your own actions, that displays loss of confidence. I am not sure she is taking the bait that you are interested in her, but you do have her attention because she is responding to you.
    Right about now i think you are playing your cards right it looks like she is trying to have a power struggle with you..or dominance play.
    I would use push and pull with her..back off for a bit or soo...than be a little agressive again..
    Apply this daily and she will slip up..if she doesnt you will.

  3. #3
    THEelegance is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Was I too cocky through text?

    I agree with pickuptranslator.

    This convo is good. The only thing is the "tip" word is too much there. I think that in this convo there was a little bit of evolution missing. Too many texts talking about the same thing...

    I wouldn't be playing the power game the whole time in the future. Show some more sides of you.

  4. #4
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    Tyrone1991 is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Was I too cocky through text?

    i dont think she's into you to be honest
    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.

  5. #5
    Express27 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Was I too cocky through text?

    Seems to me like you are investing too much. She was being kind of cold and wasn't very receptive to your teasing, so you should've realized that and calibrated to her mood.

  6. #6
    Looper is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Was I too cocky through text?

    The only thing is the "tip" word is too much there. I think that in this convo there was a little bit of evolution missing. Too many texts talking about the same thing...
    I didn't mention this, only because I am not certain about it myself, but I don't think the girl tipped when checking out . Once again I don't know for sure, and I was curious if she would say anything to bring that certainty to light.

    I wouldn't be playing the power game the whole time in the future. Show some more sides of you.
    I agree. For this specific girl it's fine cuz she already knows more sides of me and should know I'm just kidding around. But yes, for a situation where I met a girl, n-closed, started texting, I should show more variety.

    i dont think she's into you to be honest
    Perhaps. But she does seem to enjoy my company at work. As long as I keep my dignity, be who I am, I'm content with this relationship. Seeing we work at the same place, it's unwise to blow things apart.

    Seems to me like you are investing too much.
    My new year resolution was to build more relationships with people, girls included. Since we work together, and with her current situation, I see no better candidate. If you read my other post on friendships with women, you'll know I'm not talking about the typical friend zone stuff where the guy is doing the girl's every whim because he has feelings for her.

    Actually what makes this girl a perfect candidate for relationship building is that to most people she is very attractive. She's a latina with an athletic build. However, I'm more into petite, paler redheads or brunettes (f*ck me right?). This works to my advantage as it's easier to keep straight to the goal of just building a relationship.

    This relationship is already paying off. I get to practice some game on her, come to you guys here for some differing viewpoints, and then tweak it to use in the future.

  7. #7
    Looper is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Was I too cocky through text?

    UPDATE

    I might have make my first major mistake. Actually I'm in the process of possibly making a mistake, it hasn't happened yet, but the ball is rolling that way. Luckily, I have the support of this community to right the ship, if need be

    Today I kinda ignored her all day at work. But at the end of the day while I was talking to someone else in the hall, she walks by and tells me that she was disappointed because there wasn't a bow on her cup (in reference to my first text on gift-wrapping). She said it in a more serious tone, tried to anyways. I didn't say anything back because I was in conversation with someone else.

    So about an hour as I'm getting off work, I send this message:

    "You are right. I should be held responsible here for my underling's flaw. I will take on this issue myself. Everything should be sorted out by Wednesday, ma'am."
    (She doesn't work tomorrow)

    I decided to shift from cocky to overly polite to mix things up a bit. A short while later she responds something equally polite:

    "Thank you. I sincerely appreciate that."

    So the idea behind my text was to make a makeshift bow out of office supplies and then stick it in her cup that is on her desk. Bow as in bow and arrow, a play of words. The more I think about, however, the more I think it's kinda cheesy and doing something like this puts me at a disadvantage since she hasn't made anything for me yet.

    So how should I proceed from here?

    Some ideas I thought of:

    1. Make the bow anyways, but don't put it in her cup. Wait til she asks me about where her compensation is, then say I forgot, but I have her bow, and give her the bow. Should generate a laugh cuz of play on words. Less vested interest here since I got busy and forgot to give her the bow.

    2. Don't make the bow. If she asks, respond with "O yeah, well I don't have anything for you. You can go write a bad review about me on Yelp if you want." since I was playing the role of a hotel manager in my text.

    3. Proceed as planned with the bow in cup. This is a major pull. Balance it with a push. I was gonna do this push here regardless, but it makes it much more important if I am to give her the bow. She had asked me on Friday after lunch to take her out again Wednesday. I know the area and good lunch places and she wanted me to show her more. Someone happens to be leaving the the company on Wednesday so there will be some lunch thing I'm going with them. Rather than reschedule or invite her along, I'll tell her right before lunch about that and say that I could give her some recommendations on where to go eat. This statement conveys I view her comment on wanting to go out for lunch with me purely on the exploration of new food, rather than my company. Therefore a push.

    Any other ideas would be appreciated.

    Right now I'm leaning on #3, though I think giving her something is risky considering we're still just teasing and getting to know one another better. Even if the bow isn't anything of monetary value nor what she expects, it still means I took some of my time to come up with the idea and make it. I don't know if the push will be enough to balance it out. #2 is okay and funny, but put me back on the cocky side, and can be viewed as a push, and if I add the lunch plans push, might be pushing her too far away. #1 is pretty uninspiring to me, and I don't know how believable it is that I simply forgot.

    Well at least this time I can see myself falling into a potential hole before it's happened yet.

    What should I do?


    Just thought of a something else. Go along with #3, but do a really crappy job on making the bow ie. have one side of the string undone. That way it shows I wasn't real serious on making the bow and with the lunch push should balance things out. Better yet print out a picture of a bow

  8. #8
    hyp
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    Default Re: Was I too cocky through text?

    here ill give you another alternative:

    #4 disregard numbers 1 and 3, number two comes off like an asshole, the fact that you considered making the bow.....you crashed the inner game ship into the rocks and some how sunk in the shallow end, while putting a doormat next to It that said walk all over me -_-

    to remedy just rock up and tell her that you had a better time hanging with ur mates or whatever, it's not your fault you had something better to do than almost get walked on by a chick who has a bf

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Was I too cocky through text?

    Holy crap man. Lol.

    This is simply banter. It's flirting. Simple as that. But unless you escalate you won't get anywhere.

    Now I understand your reservations about her bf. I personally don't like to mess with anyone who has a bf, let alone a coworker. (That's a perfect storm waiting to happen) But you won't get anywhere unless you make a firm decision about what you want and go for it. This back and forth on whether you want her is suppose to be external to develop attraction, not an internal struggle. So figure it out.

    Also I think you spend a lot of time on what to say/text. Now, I'm the LAST person to be saying anything about that, but you have to understand that you will make mistakes. And that's ok. What's more important is how you recover from your mistakes. Do you apologize constantly or just accept that your human and sometimes you're a jerk or say dumb things? Hope this helps and good luck.

    P. S. I have an amazing gf and I still say dumb stuff. But I don't apologize out my ass for it. I just say "Damn that was messed up lol. " and move on.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  10. #10
    inter1010 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Was I too cocky through text?

    Damn dude, RELAX!!!

    You sound like your in love with this girl. Remember the more you talk about this girl(on PUA Forums, to your friends, to your coworkers) you get more and more invested. Be careful with that. NOw if she's just a friend you can do any of those things you mentioned with the bow, cause its funny. If you want to take her as a lover, don't do shit!

    Personally, I wouldn't invest shit in a girl with a serious boyfriend. It will come back to bite you in the ass. You should of tried to fuck her when you first met her and didn't know how serious she was with her man... From the text condos and what not, it just sound like you guys are friends and whatever, but nobody on this forum can tell you your exact situation cause were no there. Its your interpretation of how you think your interactions are going. The only thing I can say is the less you out into it, the more you'll get out of it.

    cheers.


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