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Thread: Did I handle this the alpha way?

  1. #1
    Sirdinkleburg is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Did I handle this the alpha way?

    This girl I've been seeing always gets weird the day of our dates because she feels funny about relationships.

    Anyways, here's our convo:

    Her: Hi
    Me: Hey Dorkbutt, how you holdin up?
    Her: Watching a movie about a family that lives forever hahah
    Me: Woah that would suck, I'd hate to live forever, but I'm sure I could find a way to stay busy
    Her: Haha. Cause you're always sooo busy right
    Me: Just soooo busy, I dunno what to do with all that time, I seem to talk and spend time with you alot though
    Her: Hahah
    Me: Seems to work out pretty well
    Her: Now we're gonna have pizza. Yum. (She blatantly ignores any time I try to be sweet these days and then decides she'll be sweet after the date)
    Me: Okay look, I get you're scared of the girlfriend "label", but if youre going to avoid when I say something sweet because you're afraid, I'm not okay with that
    (I thought that was really rude considering how she normally acts with me)
    Her: What do you want me to do then? Because I can't be all sweet all the time. (She usually is, she just gets freaked out). I'm just not like that. (Partially true). And I don't wanna pretend (Only reason she has to not "pretend" is because she feels weird today).
    Me: Honestly, I know youre not like that and I'm not gonna have a fight with you about it, I just have a basic expectation of you acknowledging what I say, that was just rude. But let's talk about something else.
    Her: Okay well sorry. Didn't mean to be rude or whatever.

    I think I'd like a relationship with this girl. But I also feel as if she's holding me back unless I do see her exclusively soon, I don't have her on a pedestal but she does affect me. I also feel as if she's gonna keep being like this, I should spend time on self growth rather than trying this with a girl who doesn't know what fvck she wants.

  2. #2
    SOUTH_FL_PUA is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Did I handle this the alpha way?

    How would she be holding you back by not being exclusive?

    She would be holding you back by being exclusive! right now you could be with ANYONE. Just go out with other girls and she will be asking you to be exclusive when she knows your an hot item.

    Edit: Sorry i didn't realize this was txting forum and I didn't give any txting advice lol...
    .-* WWWEEE *-.

  3. #3
    Sirdinkleburg is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Did I handle this the alpha way?

    Quote Originally Posted by SOUTH_FL_PUA View Post
    How would she be holding you back by not being exclusive?

    She would be holding you back by being exclusive! right now you could be with ANYONE. Just go out with other girls and she will be asking you to be exclusive when she knows your an hot item.

    Edit: Sorry i didn't realize this was txting forum and I didn't give any txting advice lol...
    I'm new to this stuff, and I don't feel quite comfortable with dating multiple girls yet, my brain likes to focus on one at a time, and that causes problems sometimes.

    But besides her and I having a thing, I see her everyday at school and she's my gal bestfriend

  4. #4
    meteora's Avatar
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    Default Re: Did I handle this the alpha way?

    definately shouldve had this convo in person, things can be easily misunderstood over text. at some point we all have to go through this "define the relationship" convo but it is best done in person.
    take her on a nice date and have this convo over a romantic dinner rather than over text.
    btw, don't get upset by her "rudeness" you are showing weakness when you become emotionaly reactive to what she is saying to you. stay calm and try to act reasonably. i really don't see anything wrong with how she answered, she wasn't being rude, she was being honest

  5. #5
    hyp
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    Default Re: Did I handle this the alpha way?

    usually if people do someone avoids something and its fairly obvious or I'm avoiding something I either or I'm called out on it in a playful way or I'm made fun of for doing it ( the same can apply for this ) -- if it's the latter just riff on it and have fun with it

    and yea this was a convo to have in person, I'd shoot myself if i did that over any form of communication that wasn't face to face, it just causes too many problems and you can read her body Lang / voice cues aswell to gauge her genuine response

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Did I handle this the alpha way?

    I have to agree with Meteora. This convo should never of happened over text. It was going pretty well until you called her out on her behavior. It is almost never a good idea to call a girl out on something you feel she is doing wrong. I don't know what the background with this girl is but maybe she isn't ready to be "exclusive". You might be pushing it on her too soon and instead of her being rude about it she chooses to avoid the conversation. It seems that you are pretty emotionally attached to this girl. Take a step back, learn to control your emotions, have fun, and don't take life too seriously.

    Take this girl out for dinner and apologize for your behavior and politely explain your point of view. She will appreciate your honesty and the fact that you are man enough to own your mistakes and aren't afraid to confront them. Good luck and keep us posted

  7. #7
    Sirdinkleburg is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Did I handle this the alpha way?

    Yeah I'm not sure what got into me honestly. I'm going to apologize, our date's in an hour. I'll build some comfort, I wasn't looking to just have sex with her, so I'll be sure to slow it down for her. I think I overthink texting too much, I'd never be mad at a subject change in person, I'll dial it back.

    I'll tell you guys how it goes later

  8. #8
    Supremo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Did I handle this the alpha way?

    Well good luck on the date man. At least you have learned from your mistake and fortunately it wasn't a game breaking mistake. After all you have a date lined up so maybe it didn't bother her too much

  9. #9
    Sirdinkleburg is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Did I handle this the alpha way?

    Okay guys. So I had my date, ended about an hour ago. It wasn't too bad, but we were both nervous because like I said she always gets crazy weird feelings when we have a date and that makes me act weird too when Im with her, so bad on my part.

    But earlier, I had been thinking about it. The night before, I had been hitting on my really hot neighbor and we were watching a movie at her house with my not so hot neighbor. But her (hot one) and I tease each other back and forth, we act like we hate each other. Maybe something can happen out of that eventually. Anyways, the night before I had some guy friends over and we were talking to my hot neighbor and her friend she had over (7.5) who I've heard thinks I'm really hot.

    Turns out later that night, she asked my neighbor "What are you talking about? Tony's super hot, what's his number?", lol confidence boost, but she didn't give her my neighbor because she said I had a date on sunday and she'd give it to her afterwards.

    I'll game this chick for experience, and maybe pursue getting my neighbor a little, but there's another girl at school that I could potentially game as well. But I need to get better at talking first.


    EDIT:
    I forgot the important part. Her and I decided to give dating a rest. We both are close enough to talk about our feelings about it so we did. She thinks it's because dating is so "foreign" and "weird" to her. And I know part of it is my bad for being sweet with her all the time, but not building enough comfort by learning more about her.

    But the best part of this is what this relationship with her has taught me about myself, it's caused me to really want to grow in every aspect of my life, and I can thank her for that and now I aspire for something bigger in my life and to be someone bigger as well.

    We're going to continue talking to each other, while obvious we both have feelings for each other, but I need to text her less and get to know her more to build comfort before trying anything with her again.

    I just feel as if I wish I wouldn't get jealous if I ever see her flirting with someone else, because I know I will get that way, even though I flirt with lots of girls.

  10. #10
    Sirdinkleburg is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Did I handle this the alpha way?

    Also, I know efforts aren't lost on this girl. She likes me a ton. I just need to build lots more comfort with her.

    Do you guys have any suggestions? She's one of the best girls I know, and I'd like the possibility of something happening in the future.


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