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  • 1 Post By Sal_Paradise

Thread: Chronic Flake

  1. #1
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    Default Chronic Flake

    I've been friends with this girl for years and I really enjoy our relationship. We've had sex in the past so there is this constant sexual Tension but because we've always lived so far apart there's not much we can usually do about it.

    Whenever I'm in her town we'll usually meet up but every once in a while she will completely flake on me. I feel like it's not that she doesn't like me but more of how she is. Like I said, we're pretty close friends and she's always excited to hear from and talk to me, she will just flake sometimes.

    I think this is pretty fucked up behavior from somebody who is supposed to be your friend. Regardless of whether we get physical, I enjoy being friends with this girl but she makes it damn hard with her immature behavior. I'd like to keep the friendship because I do like her but, like I said, sometimes she makes it damn hard to do so while respecting myself and my time. Advice?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Chronic Flake

    Friends come in all shapes and sizes. And no one is perfect. Every friend has their quirks. Even friends sometimes do fvcked up things that they don't intentionally mean malice.

    I'm not sure how long you've known her, but sounds like for a while. If that's the case.

    It will get to a point where the other person will know you well, know how much time you have, etc. There's little mystery to you because she knows you well. So it could very well get to a comfort level where she takes you for granted and doesn't appreciate your time. This is true not only for f-buddies but for folks in relationships. Anyone can fall into that comfort zone. So yes it is fvcked up and unfortunate, but no malice is meant.

    Then again, some girls are just flaky like some guys. That's the way they are. You can't change em, you have to accept that and roll with it. Sounds like the case with this girl. She don't mean malice.

    A tactic I suggest is giving yourself more value. Next time you go into town, make it like you are fitting her into YOUR active schedule. Make it sound like you are busy. Tell her 2 nights you are busy.

    "So I think I might be free Friday night, oh wait, crap, can't do Friday night, I got a party that night. So Friday and Thursday is out."

    This will bait her into suggesting a time when she is free.

    "Ok I have that night free, but I can only do after 8 pm"

    These are pointers to show her that, you can no longer be available to her whim. Your time is valuable and precious.

    Because right now it sounds like she doesn't place value on your time. So you need to make it like some major change occur in your life/lifestyle, and the old ways (that she takes for granted) are over. Get into that Mindset of not putting her pussy on the pedestal. And if it helps, find another pussy in town.

    Whatever you do, don't call her out on it and get confrontational. It will only make you look desperate and needy. Just brush it off that if she is not there for you, you got other things to do.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Chronic Flake

    This sounds like solid advice, I think you hit it on the head. She doesn't do it out of malice and it's kind of just who she is, but yes, she apparently doesn't value my time. I'll be sure to implement what you said and place more value on myself and my time the next time I come around.

    Thanks a lot man

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Chronic Flake

    Update:

    So when she flaked on me she asked via text if the next night was ok. I was kind of pissed at first and thought I should "punish" her by telling her I was busy.

    But I thought about how you said it wasn't out of malice and I looked back over her texts. It didn't seem like she was jerking me around, just that she was tired, got out of class late.

    So I set up a date the next night and we had a blast. Ended up going back to her place and cuddling, then hanging out the next day. She has a boyfriend but from the way she acted and texts she sent me later, I'm pretty sure she wants to dump him and date me when I move back to town in a few weeks.

    So now I have to control myself because I always end up in a relationship with girls that aren't what I want just because it's fun and convenient. I really want to have a period where I date lots of girls and they know that it's not a relationship. I've never had this before because I'm the kind of person who finds a girl I kind of like and just end up spending a lot of time with her. So it's my goal to not do that again!!

    My question now is, how the hell do I control myself when I know I can have fun and get unlimited sex from a girl?

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Chronic Flake

    Yea I'm like that too. The game can be tiring and not every guy is a career PUA pro.

    As for control, that's really the tough part even I'm challenged with. In another thread where there was a discussion on being a "PUA making you emotionless," there was a mention about "Seducer's Aura." After a while and doing it for so long, you become desensitized. Not necessarily a good thing because you don't enjoy that elation of being 'in love' anymore.

    The most obvious way to fixing your control is an answer you are not going to like but its the only one I can think of - having alot of options. Diversifying. If you know she is not what you ultimately want. Then, you keep on looking - one eye on her, one eye on the lookout. Don't let your game slip because of one girl, keep honing your game til you find what you want.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Chronic Flake

    Yeah, that's the thing. Once I start hanging out with a girl I do feel a sense of attachment. It seems like all the things we do to make girls attracted to us are building a real relationship. I'm not sure how to do these things yet keep the relationship at a superficial level. David D says it's basically how much time you spend with them, once or twice a week max unless you want the relationship to become exclusive.

    But I think you're right about finding more girls. It will distract me and keep me from spending too much time with her. And I wasn't really thinking of what this but honing my game is really important. One day a really awesome girl is going to come along and I want to make sure I'm ready. If I waste my time in a relationship with a girl I'm not really into I might be unprepared or worse, not do anything about it because I'm in a relationship just for fun!

    Thanks for the advice man, this helped me out a lot.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Chronic Flake

    As for handling her flaking behavior, check out this recent post here. A lot of it ties to value, which was already mentioned so you are aware of that.

    As for handling a relationship. Literally have a list of qualities that you absolutely need in a woman and don't stray from it. No exceptions. For me it was things like; no kids, close to my age, not damage, ambitious, not a party girl, etc. And I still dated women who had these traits I didn't like. But my list dictated how serious I got with them. You have to look at these women that you CANNOT change them. Never try to "save" or "fix" them. My most successful relationships have been with women I didn't feel like I needed to fix.

    If you feel like you can change her, you may find yourself in one rocky relationship for a few years because you keep hoping you can eventually control and/or tame her. It really just brings you down as a man of value. And you eventually get out of the relationship a beaten down shadow of yourself asking why you spent so much time on someone. Wondering how many high caliber women you let walk by while trying to fix the one you were with. Hope this helps and good luck.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Chronic Flake

    That's a great idea. Writing out what I want would really solidify in my mind what I'm looking for and not deviating from it would really increase my value and self esteem. And I think knowing that a girl I'm dating doesn't fit my criteria of what I want will help me to avoid putting too much energy into a relationship that isn't what I want. Thanks a lot Batman, I think this will really help.


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