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Thread: Is this message a strong one? Give me some feedbacks

  1. #1
    lucifer7 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Is this message a strong one? Give me some feedbacks

    Hi invited this girl out to "have some fun" with a very simple text (and breaking many PUA texting rules ).

    ME: yesterday evening
    Hi xxx, I hope you're doing great!
    Listen, next week I will have some free time, let's go to have some fun in the city!


    HER: yesterday evening
    Why not .. let me know what is your plan :-)))


    What I was going to reply:
    Cool!
    Here are two options:

    Middle of the week (Tuesday or Wednesday)
    We can meet at my place (really close to xxx) for food and Chianti wine at around 9 and then move to Matrix right in front (link of the place). Then from there decide whether or not to move to some other clubs, but itís a nice lively place so it should also be OK to also stay there .

    Weekend
    We could go to Sinatra (link of the place) for a couple of cocktails and then eventually move to Metro in xxx.



    What do you guys think about the above reply? Too accommodating with the "could"?

    I've met this girl around 2 months ago, and while at the beginning I thought she might have been a little bit receptive, today I can't be sure (except of the fact she said yes to my invite).

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Is this message a strong one? Give me some feedbacks

    Just pick one and do it. Girls don't like making decisions and making decisions is part of being alpha.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Is this message a strong one? Give me some feedbacks

    I would pay attention to the investment. You put a lot of thought into those plans and it shows. It would be ok if she was doing the same, but my guess is she isn't.

    Next time focus on just telling her what she should wear and surprise her. If she knows where you are going then she can choose the better of alternate plans and may feel your plans aren't exciting enough like ones with her friends....or another guy. Don't let her know. Don't be like clockwork. Leave a little mystery.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  4. #4
    lucifer7 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Is this message a strong one? Give me some feedbacks

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    I would pay attention to the investment. You put a lot of thought into those plans and it shows. It would be ok if she was doing the same, but my guess is she isn't.
    Not more than 5 mins actually, those are typical evenings for me, it's much less than what I spend to write to friends .
    But I agree with you, what it looks like and perceptions are reality and indeed it looks like I put quite some efforts in that.

    Thanks for the feeds guys!

    What do you think about the follow ups below?


    ME
    Here's the fun-plan for the weekend
    First Alibi cocktail bar for a couple of cocktails and then move to a club. Simple and effective .


    SHE
    It might be a little problem .. I already do not drink ... maybe a non-alcoholic cocktail


    ME
    That's not a problem at all! Actually that's healthy!
    So we can actually do this: we change Alibi and cocktail for my place and (hopefully good ) food and then from there we go somewhere.



    I gambled a little bit with the invite home for the fist meet up since we've only met once quite some time ago. The plus side is that she's a chef and I know she's into food.

  5. #5
    lucifer7 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Is this message a strong one? Give me some feedbacks

    Her reply is on the negative side I would say as the "my place option" is snubbed and now it seems she's willing to also take a friend along

    HER
    I would like to go at some music club ... I have not seen my friend Cristina some time ...



    How would you guys move from here? Keep re-proposing my place saying "we will go to a club later"? It seems too pushy. And at the same time yielding to her changing requests is definitely submissive... :S.
    I could find a middle alternative saying I'd bring a friend along, her friend is actually cute...

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Is this message a strong one? Give me some feedbacks

    Do not keep pushing your place. You lost this battle on several grounds.

    First, you didn't listen to BatMan at all. Look at what he wrote, "surprise her. If she knows where you are going then she can choose the better of alternate plans." You gave her WAY too much control when you let her know what was happening!

    Second, you led off with, "Here's the fun-plan for the weekend!" I'm sorry, but when I text a girl with a plan I don't tell her it's fun explicitly because if I made the plan I KNOW it's going to be the funnest fucking night of her life. I don't care if she thinks it's fun and by saying "here's the fun-plan" you come across as unsure of yourself and approval seeking.

    Third, this is just my opinion, but never ask a girl to your house as the first location in a date! It's ok for her to meet you at your house, and in fact, this is a great idea since you can bring her up to "grab something you forgot" so she gets comfortable in your place without you making a move on her. But you don't want to start at your place, you want to start somewhere neutral. The minute a girl walks into a guy's place their shields come up.

    Fourth, if you read her reply carefully she actually didn't say she didn't want to got to Alibi with you, she just said she didn't drink. So she had approved your plan and then you chose to fight against the frame you had created.

    Where would I go from here? Find something to do before you go to the music club and don't commit to going to the music club. If things go well, you can decide to go somewhere else (have somewhere else in mind).

    Good luck!
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  7. #7
    lucifer7 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Is this message a strong one? Give me some feedbacks

    Thanks TheDuke, I appreciate it!

    I went for the plan as girls usually like plans, it makes it seem like you have a clear picture and can make decision.
    I think I've got good quite feedbacks with it, but in person (like for example, out of a restaurant, now "we can either do this or that", and let her decide between two clear alternatives that you depicted as great or "now let's go to that place").
    That might be a key difference, in person and via text, what do you think?


    Indeed she didn't say no to the cocktail bar, but I junked it as I honestly thought it would have been weird to be the only two sitting in a cocktail bar drinking juice (I certainly wouldn't have started drinking alcohol with a girl who doesn't drink)...


    So you are suggesting I say "let's meet there, I might show up and bring a friend with me?" Doesn't that sound strange first saying to go have fun and then not committing to actually meet?

  8. #8
    TheDuke's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this message a strong one? Give me some feedbacks

    No, I'm saying you should say, "Let's go do X before we go to music club." That way you're not taking on a beta role, if anything you are taking on an equal role with her. Then if you hit it off you don't even have to go to the music club.

    But did she intend to bring the friend with her or meet the friend there?
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  9. #9
    lucifer7 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Is this message a strong one? Give me some feedbacks

    Yeah yeah, makes sense.

    What's your take on the plan thing, when in person (sorry the OT)?

    About the friend, not really sure actually, I will have to ask for a clarification on that. Thank God her looks are better than her communication skills

  10. #10
    TheDuke's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this message a strong one? Give me some feedbacks

    Honestly, if you want to attract a woman don't give her decisions to make, make them yourself. I was in a very long LTR and my gf would not make a decision to save her life and it frustrated the shit out of me. For the longest time I thought she just didn't want to tell me what she wanted, but the moment of clarification came when I realized what she actually wanted was for me to tell her what we were doing. She literally wanted me to make the decision--that's what she wanted. I firmly believe most women are like this.

    So what do I think about laying the plan out? I wouldn't. If she asks tell her, but otherwise you're the leader and she's following you. Don't give her options unless you need to.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."


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