As some of you who have been reading my posts have observed, there is this one girl I have a slight oneitis for. She ended up liking some of my stuff on my Facebook page, even though I was not friends with her. I ended up adding her and then after that did nothing else. I decided that I would give it a couple days and then hit her up with a message if she didn't already try to contact me.
Now, it has been a couple days, and tonight I plan on initiating a conversation with her. Of course, a weak area of mine that I'm still unsteady about is text openers, especially those on Facebook. It goes along the lines of being unable to decide whether I want to go entertaining on the first shot or try to open her up comfortably.
So, in the effort of properly preparing myself for this first opener with her, I have done some extensive reading and research into texting and Facebook law. This guide here is my completed effort into what to do for any type of initialization.
I give credit for resources to GunsnGlory, for his incredible texting guide, along with the other 30 pages I visited on how to initiate and maintain a conversation on Facebook.
Although many masters on here would argue that the art of picking up women over Facebook is cliche, we can't help but wonder about some scenarios. What if we know the girl? What if she friend requested us? What if she has some mutual friends?
There's so many factors that goes into thinking about this that it is really hard to NOT think what the potential outcome could be. Of course she's dropping an ioi by liking your photos or friend requesting you. Naturally, you would want to send her a message, right? Sure, you could, but what would it be?
To make the rest of the guide easier to compile and explain, we'll go over the three main types of openers on Facebook.
The Oddball Opener
This is the craziest of all of the openers here. This opener is designed to be so ridiculous and entertaining, that it catches her attention and causes her to basically fall over laughing.
An example of this opener would be the typical favorite to use:
"Hey, do you have a job? I need a woman who is able to support me while I play video games all day."
Out of the three openers, this one is the most volatile. It can trigger reactions ranging from pure entertainment to outright rejection. User discretion is advised.
The Rapport Opener
This opener does as the title says. It is designed to instantly build rapport in the first message, which leads to comfort, which leads to an easy response.
This opener is the least vulnerable of the three to be rejected or put under negativity. The opener involves using a relation to a common friend, city, activity, and so on, to break down her walls and get her more comfortable with you.
The Simplicity Opener
As the title suggests, this opener is extremely simple. It is in the middle of the two for being considered vulnerable to rejection, but it is the easiest way to start a conversation.
When doing the simplicity opener, all one does is say "Hey", along with an accompanying question. Although questions like "what's up?" and "how's it going?" are the usual basics, they will most likely cause neutral responses. Questions like "What are you up to?" and "Haven't seen you around in a while" are more likely to draw out engagement, however they are also vulnerable to being ignored.
Then again, any question is.
The Do-Not-Use Opener
These kind of openers shall warrant instant failure on a crash and burn level. These includes creepy things like:
"Hey, blah blah blah, you're really cute, blah blah blah, give me your number."
They can also include outright absurd or inappropriate things like "Obama sucks", "Death to the Atheists", or "Boobies!". These kinds of responses will only draw negativity to you and give you a really REALLY bad name.
Now that we have gone over the three main types of openers (and the ones you should DEFINITELY never use), let's get to the meat of things: initiating a conversation.
To make this easier to understand and figure out where and when to use each kind of opener and how to approach the conversation, I have divided this into the three main scenarios that one would ever deal with.
Scenario 1: You Don't Know Her
And here we begin at Ground Zero. You don't know the lovely lady, but there is the possibility that you share some commonality, like mutual friends, school, work, city, and so on.
So how do we go about with approaching a girl of this type?
Well, all three openers could apply here, but it depends on the context. If the two of you have a mutual thing in common, you can easily open using the Rapport Opener. This takes down any shields she has and allows you to better socialize with her. If you don't have anything in common, your best bet would be to use the Oddball Opener. Although the Simplicity Opener is nice, it can easily be ignored in this case. The Oddball Opener will instantly draw her attention and get her into the conversation.
To maintain conversation in this scenario, your main priority should be to build comfort. She doesn't even know you, so you want to establish yourself as a nice, entertaining guy. Get her engaged in the conversation, and throw in a few rapport builders when you can. When re-initiating conversation, wait to do so for two or three days, unless she does so ahead of time.
Scenario 2: You Know Her a Little Bit
This is about halfway in between Scenarios 1 and 3, depending on how well you know her. You have meet the lovely lady a few times, but have had no real conversations with her.
As with all of the scenarios, any of the three openers are available for usage. I would advise against using the Oddball Opener, though. I have field tested this, and have discovered with girls that I sort of know usually get engaged for a slight bit out of interest, and then usually drop off all together. Your best bet is to go with a Rapport Opener or a Simplicity Opener. The Simplicity Opener is extremely friendly, while the Rapport Opener is even more so. Problem is, you will discover that to use the Rapport Opener on a daily basis without warrant by a post or event is a very unhealthy thing. Your best bet, in this situation, is to stick with simplicity.
To maintain conversation in this scenario, you should aim to get her comfortable. The two of you barely know each other, however you know more than the 1st scenario. Thus you should aim to not only build comfort, but also rapport as well. When the conversation ends, wait to re-initiate with her for two or three days.
Scenario 3: You Know Her Very Well
This is the easiest of all three scenarios. You know the target incredibly well, and depending on how the two of you associate, you could be friends, best friends, a simple acquaintanceship, whatever floats your boat.
When it comes to this scenario, you can also use all three openers. The Oddball Opener may entertain her, but be careful. If she has known you a certain way for a while, she may become a tad bit freaked out by a really weird opener. The Rapport Opener can be used in any variety of contexts now. If you see a post or picture that you recognize an aspect of, you can bring it up without fear of her thinking of you as a stalker. Lastly, the Simplicity Opener, as always, will work. However, don't use it often, or otherwise she will simply get bored.
To maintain conversation with her, aim to establish yourself as entertaining. She already knows you extremely well, and she's comfortable with you, thus rapport and comfort are not a necessity. As with the other two scenarios, you should re-initiate conversation every two or three days unless she does so.
In all of the scenarios above, the two most important things to do are to be yourself, and to not be clingy. Girls appreciate sincerity, but they do not like it when a guy is too dependent on an outcome involving the two of you.
Right now, I have just initiated a conversation that I feel I am well prepared for. So far, I am getting her engaged to an extent. Not very energetic responses, because she is tired, but I feel like I can get her going soon enough.
Wish me luck, and I shall do the same onto you.