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  • 1 Post By tonystark88

Thread: Chick goes out of town due to death in the family now what

  1. #1
    tonystark88 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Chick goes out of town due to death in the family now what

    I was going back and forth with this girl. We had a date were trying to schedule a following one. I thought she was playing hard to get but it turns out she had to go out of town for a funeral. Everything was going good but now the ball is in her court as far as scheduling the next day, as I had made it clear before that we couldn't just text. She came back continues to text.

    Is it too soon to try to relate on a deep level, should I be playful. Normally I would just go on with my days and ignore her and talk to other girls, but maybe she does need some extra attention if going through a tough time.

    Any advice?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Chick goes out of town due to death in the family now what

    Ok listen up Iron Man...

    It really depends on your goal with her.

    Whenever I was dating a woman I did not see a future with, any talk of drama or personal things I'd bounce off unless it helped my game with her. If she tried to start an argument, for example, I would walk away or even disappear because I've got better things to do. Any talk of exclusivity or love I'd change the subject.

    If you do see potential between you and her and feel there could be a future than I would say that yes you should be there for her. But not so much as giving her advice. But just listening. Letting her vent to you. It'll create some rapport between you to. Letting her vent to you has it's ups and downs.

    The ups is that you will have a closer connection which could help you in the long run get into a relationship with her. The down's are that you risk being just her emotional tampon and possibly even friendzoned if you haven't gotten sexual with each other yet. You are essentially anchoring negative feelings to you rather than positive. Too much and she will only come to you to listen to her problems where you want her to be happy and have fun with you. So have this Mindset...

    - I will let her talk and get whatever she wants off her chest without me interrupting.

    - Any of my responses will be short, such as "I understand" and "I know how that feels."

    - When given the right opportunity I will suggest that we meet up so she can escape for a bit. Emotions of fun and happiness will be associated with me rather than depression.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  3. #3
    tonystark88 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Chick goes out of town due to death in the family now what

    Wow this why I love this board. So fast I get some solid advice.

    I do see her as potential. I mean in general I am empathetic that bad things can happen to people, but this girl I see as someone special (not one-sis) but still not someone I just want to bounce.

    I thought about relating to her as something similar happened to me this time last year, but like you said I didn't want to be associated with negative energy. At the same time, I thought as she is someone more inclined to someone sensitive maybe there was nothing wrong with a little emotion considering I can be a dick at times. I told her yesterday that I would listen. (In the past I told her to stop whining everytime she complained)..

    I just wasn't sure if I should go back to my playful self. I know women are different, but I might get annoyed if something serious was going on and some girl was acting silly

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Chick goes out of town due to death in the family now what

    You're right. Being playful is out the window. You have a better chance of just disappearing if being playful was your only option lol.

    I get what you mean about the relating thing, but it's her time in the spotlight. Save it for another time. The cool thing about holding off is that when you do finally relate to her, you can shape it that you don't like talking about it, but that you are beginning to trust her. She will feel like she is EARNING you and your trust. Great rapport building.

    Ex: "Listen, there's something I want to tell you. I didn't say anything before because I have trouble talking about it. But for some reason I feel like I want to tell you now. I had something similar happened..."

    She would interpret on her own that it is because you are trusting her more and find her special enough for you to tell her. Much better for her to discover that she is earning you on her own rather than you directly telling her.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  5. #5
    tonystark88 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Chick goes out of town due to death in the family now what

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    You're right. Being playful is out the window. You have a better chance of just disappearing if being playful was your only option lol.

    I get what you mean about the relating thing, but it's her time in the spotlight. Save it for another time. The cool thing about holding off is that when you do finally relate to her, you can shape it that you don't like talking about it, but that you are beginning to trust her. She will feel like she is EARNING you and your trust. Great rapport building.

    Ex: "Listen, there's something I want to tell you. I didn't say anything before because I have trouble talking about it. But for some reason I feel like I want to tell you now. I had something similar happened..."

    She would interpret on her own that it is because you are trusting her more and find her special enough for you to tell her. Much better for her to discover that she is earning you on her own rather than you directly telling her.
    Thanks for the advice again.Would this all be appropriate before the 2nd date? And is this something I can use in a text? I wouldn't want to open up to much via text (though she loves it), but Honestly this is more about being a human than trying to get some, but I don't wanna kill any of sexual vibes we had before. But in person I can always get those again.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Chick goes out of town due to death in the family now what

    You can make this the 2nd date if you want. Go out and have fun. Towards the end you can open up.

    In person is always better. Texting is the last resort. Even a phone call is more personal than texting.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  7. #7
    tonystark88 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Chick goes out of town due to death in the family now what

    Thanks again. I tried out the first line via text but when she responds ill say ill tell her in person, and then suggest a meeting soon


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