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Thread: How should I proceed with this girl?

  1. #11
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: How should I proceed with this girl?

    This is a bit cliche, but actions speak louder than words.

    I say to my gf needy stuff quite often. Like if we didn't talk for a day I'll tell her "Babe I called you 10 times yesterday." She obviously knows I'm playing. Or I'll say "Who are you texting? Your other bf?" These are needy things, but my behavior says otherwise ya know. So idk if this will help your situation beings that mine has to do with a gf.

    But you could easily say "Is it weird that I miss you?" or "I'd love to see you." But then counter it with your behavior. Either flake or act disinterested when you meet her. Mixed signals are good! But I'm mostly talking out my ass HA. I just love push/pull
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  2. #12
    tonystark88 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How should I proceed with this girl?

    Should I call her out if she won't commit?

  3. #13
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    Default Re: How should I proceed with this girl?

    I think you should. If you are truly willing to walk away that is. Sounds like you are. I only use it as a last result. You don't want her getting used to you threatening in such a fashion to not mean it and come back anyways.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  4. #14
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    Default Re: How should I proceed with this girl?

    I always think that if you have to force someone by calling them out on something you are getting them to do something they dont really want to do. Like growing up parents tend to want their kids eat veges and we hated it as kids because we rather eat something we enjoy.

    In this given scenario, even though you are good for her, she rather do other things with other people and you dont want to be a parent and tell her what to do. Which you shouldnt.

    I would play it like this:

    Me: "Hey when are you leaving?"
    Her: "Next Saturday"
    Me: "Okay cool, I was thinking of us hanging out before then lets meet Friday?"
    Her: [Yes, no, she flakes]
    Me: I guess at this rate we will never ever going to see each other again huh? In any case, have a safe trip and have fun
    Her: I didnt mean [insert try to recover words here]

    [wait a while say couple hours before answering back]

    Me: Whatever, dont worry about it have fun on your trip
    ------------------------------------

  5. #15
    tonystark88 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How should I proceed with this girl?

    Is there an assertive way to give her an ultimatum? I realize that committing to meeting isn't the same , but this girl obviously has the time to text me a lot.

    I guess what I am asking is after you have done all the playful escalating, and you are ready to move on what do you say?

  6. #16
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    Default Re: How should I proceed with this girl?

    My (probably over-worded ) analysis on your situation :

    This is a step-by-step interpretation of what you are saying, but how it's being interpreted by me (and remember this is based solely on a) what you are texting and b) my own empirical buildup of doing this myself and with others. I may be off-base on some of this, but maybe you'll get something out of it anyway...

    SKIP TO THE BOTTOM FOR ANALYSIS. To everyone else, I am making a huge point, albeit long-winded here. I'm sure other guys will have their own interpretation of this, but I 100% believe that this is an example of using disqualification tactics where it's not necessary.

    YOU: So there is the girl I've been trying to hang out with a 2nd time.
    ME: You should have to "try." She should be the one trying with you. If that's not the case, you aren't building enough attraction, or she's not interested. At any rate, remove this terminology from your vocabulary if you are headed towards inner-game. It would be her loss. Believe that, and eventually it will become reality.

    YOU:She knows I was interested in as I've made it clear.
    ME: Good. But how did you make it clear.

    YOU: We texted, talked on the phone. She knows I'm busy. So at 10 she texts me asking me to come to the bar where we first met and hang out.
    ME: This is good because it means she is either attracted or (possible, but rare, using you as fish bait--i wouldn't worry about this).

    YOU: I told her I had been out drinking a little and couldn't work. I asked her a couple times what she was doing tomorrow and said I needed notice cause other people ask me do things.
    ME: Good, UP TO THIS POINT.

    YOU: I realize its not the end of the world.
    ME: It's not.

    YOU: ...but it kind of sounds like this girl just went to her local bar and got bored and wanted me to take the bus all the way out to where she was. She won't commit to a date or time ever (which I really need because a) I work a lot and b) she isn't the only egg in my basket.).
    ME: You are moving back into AFC mentality. Stop this. (Imagine being slapped). PICK UP THE PHONE and CALL her and get her to commit to a date. "What days do you have free next week. I'd like to see you." << If she flakes at this point, hang up, and move on. It's not worth your time.

    YOU: Either way my days of driving leaps and bounds for a sec on P*** is kind of over.
    ME: Good.

    YOU: If I hang out with her is it showing that I'm too free?
    ME: NO. A single disqualification like this shows nothing, and at this point, this DOES NOT seem to be your issue.

    YOU: A part of me wanted to just tell her I made plans to give her the hint?
    ME: Resist the urge here. It's not the issue you have, and this signal is not the one you need to send.

    YOU: You know I wanna take you out for dinner but you give me fwb kind of stuff.
    ME: Drop the idea of this for now.

    YOU: I played it like I was busy and if she didn't have time to hang out I had to make other plans.
    ME: Again. Disqualification is not your issue.

    ANALYSIS:

    You keep mentioning over and over and over that you want to show signs of non-interest, but guess what. That isn't working. Why? Because she doesn't care.

    Listen... Some girls don't give a sh1t if you disqualify or not. They like the chase, they have issues, they don't care, or whatever. The M3 model is probably the most simple way of breaking this down: Attract, Comfort, Seduce. While I tend to use Magic Bullets sequence more often because I'm more analytical, the point is that there is a sequence to this stuff. And you are doing something that is not congruent with the sequence.

    YOU ALREADY HAVE attraction and comfort. Enough anyway to begin overtones of seduction.

    You have, in no way shape or form, shown here why it is that she should want you sexually. Sure, she may have some attraction to you. And she is obviously comfortable talking to you. But from the way it appears, it isn't enough. You aren't going to wake up overnight with any value-spike that is going to push her over the edge (like winning the lottery or getting picked up by the Dallas Cowboys), nor is your value or attraction high enough that disqualifying yourself even matters.

    So again, Your disqualifying stuff isn't going to make a difference at all.

    What will make a difference?? Seduce her ass on text, but in a disqualifying way.

    Start talking about sensual stuff like the story you read in Cosmo about how girls lie about how many times a day they masturbate. Or whatever. DO NOT OVERTLY talk about you or her. But do start cultivating opinions about sex, overtones.

    Your goal is this:

    1. Put her ass in friend-zone (literally take this mentality).
    2. Make her understand that your knowledge of a woman is so profound that she would even be blown away.
    3. Ignore any and all advances from her like she is doing to you.
    4. FInally, make her believe that you can give a woman the best orgasm, the best love life, and the most erotic journey of their lives.

    Remember, while life is not a game, and emotions are not a game, courtship/seduction CAN BE A GAME, and you have to look at all your tactics (dhv, disqualification, dlv, verbal seduction, kino, etc) and realize that they are pieces of a chess game, and you cannot force a piece to be played that doesnt fit the current game. Every game is different.

    In your case, you played a move (disqualify) and it should have shown you that this move was not the right one. So stop playing that move.

    Will my move of text-base sexual-ovtertone-texting friendship-based sexaul-esclation work??? MAYBE. MAYBE NOT. I'm basing this on my instinct that this girl just wants to play the game as well, or she is bored. To me there is a 90% chance of one of those two things, so my response would be to drop the bomb of sexual taboo on her, let her know she cant have it (I didn't say "can't have you") and get her chasing sex (not I didn't say chasing YOU) like a cat-toy.
    - CR

  7. #17
    tonystark88 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How should I proceed with this girl?

    Hey,

    Damn man. Thank you for the step by step analysis. I wanted to add a couple points for you to take a look at. We have been texting for like 2 months on and off. She had been texting everday .Initially I didn't know who she was blew her off, joked, was sexual, played the game and eventually agreed to meet. We met had chemistry ioi etc,etc. Still continued to talk, our work was busy she went out of town. She even kept on qualifying herself happy that i would wanna hang out again. She is looking for someone to date

    After a week or so of failed attempts to meet up due to our schedules, asked her again, said she was going out of town and kind of blew me off when I tried to get her to commit. Still continued to text. Threw kind of a hail mary AFC? where I said I was interested. Turns out she was home for a funeral (opps my bad) . She still continued to text. Again tried to get her to commit to a day with a week notice. (she knows I'm busy)

    That monday told her I was done trying when she flaked time to move on. She got mad said I was being obnoxious , but also wanted to talk on the phone. Didn't call she got mad, but I told her I was busy. She can't commit to hanging out, well then I'm gonna go out. Still texts but I tell her I'm busy and I'll call her when I get around to it. She gets upset, so you mean we won't ever hang out or talk again,etc. We talk it goes good, she texts about it next day.

    Then is when I texted about the going to the bar thing. Girl knows I want a date, girl knows I have options, girl has shown interest. Girls attempt to get me to come over last min friday night to her local bar last min just seems pretty lame and effortless. Asked her what she was doing the next day told me she was busy, told her I had made plans when she responded.

    Had a great weekend. Decided last night enough all of this i'll just call and try to get her to commit if not move on. I've been sexual in the past with my texts ( in vague terms but still all those involved got the point). We both are looking for more than hookup buddies. She texted me that she got my message didn't understand it cause of the wind wasn't sure I called, and goodnight. Let her know it was me, and no response so far.

    I dont' really post about the other girls I meet because they come and go sometimes I run good game other times I could improve. This one has been kind of an investment so I just need a little more advice before I bounce. I don't think asking someone to chill again and having them commit is obnoxious.

    Rather than just disappear forever which I've done with countless other girls before and moved on. What could I say on the phone if she can't or won't commit after all of this?

    Thanks!

  8. #18
    costarica's Avatar
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    Default Re: How should I proceed with this girl?

    If she can't commit, or won't commit... move on. It's her loss.
    - CR

  9. #19
    tonystark88 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How should I proceed with this girl?

    True story. So i get a message today. You can call me tonight you want, I'm free. My first impulse was to be like you can call/owe me a call, or be like I was really only calling to find out when you are free. Kind of stupid to plan a date to call, when could have just chilled. But I realized who wants to argue. Maybe if I just call I can ask her out and if she says no just move on. And go down my list and run game

  10. #20
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    Default Re: How should I proceed with this girl?

    Quote Originally Posted by tonystark88 View Post
    True story. So i get a message today. You can call me tonight you want, I'm free. My first impulse was to be like you can call/owe me a call, or be like I was really only calling to find out when you are free. Kind of stupid to plan a date to call, when could have just chilled. But I realized who wants to argue. Maybe if I just call I can ask her out and if she says no just move on. And go down my list and run game
    No need to overcomplicate things. Aspiring PUAs want to hold onto every little "non-needy" point they have earned. Which is the same reason why observing one IOD from her just shatters their game. Look at the picture as whole. If you lose a couple of cool points by taking her up on her offer, but you end up sleeping with her or more then who cares! It won't matter once everything is said and done.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."


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