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Thread: How should I proceed with this girl?

  1. #1
    tonystark88 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default How should I proceed with this girl?

    Hey,

    So there is the girl I've been trying to hang out with a 2nd time. She knows I was interested in as I've made it clear. Asked her in the week when she thought she was gonna be free got some legitimate excuses involving her work. We texted, talked on the phone. She knows I'm busy. So at 10 she texts me asking me to come to the bar where we first met and hang out. I told her I had been out drinking a little and couldn't work. I asked her a couple times what she was doing tomorrow and said I needed notice cause other people ask me do things.

    I realize its not the end of the world, but it kind of sounds like this girl just went to her local bar and got bored and wanted me to take the bus all the way out to where she was. She won't commit to a date or time ever (which I really need because a) I work a lot and b) she isn't the only egg in my basket.)

    I thought it could have been a test cause the previous week I got the impression that she wanted our 2nd hang out to be none alcohol involved, and I told her next time I have no desire to drink with her ( in a joking way). Either way my days of driving leaps and bounds for a sec on P*** is kind of over. So not to jump the gun but I'm sure that she won't respond to me until late this afternoon. If I hang out with her is it showing that I'm too free? A part of me wanted to just tell her I made plans to give her the hint? You know I wanna take you out for dinner but you give me fwb kind of stuff.

    Any thoughts guys?

  2. #2
    tonystark88 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How should I proceed with this girl?

    Oh also she is busy tonight ( told her I made plans too) and now she is going out of town for a week

  3. #3
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    Default Re: How should I proceed with this girl?

    I think what happened here is that momentum was lost. It's happened to me plenty of times. And I HATE it. Because you can have good game, but if you lose momentum it's difficult to get back. It becomes stale. The whole back and forth constantly and doing the same tactics to try and meet up together. She gets bored!

    My suggestion is to try a different approach. Something to really pull at an emotional string in her. A sense of urgency maybe. I'm kind of thinking out loud lol. Maybe starting some drama? It's worked for me before. But it's a tricky skill.

    I had a woman I was casually dating start flaking on me. It lasted for about two months and I got fed up. I got this idea "When I act cool about everything then she does whatever to treat me poorly. Because she knows I'm cool with everything. She'd probably try harder for a guy that she knows will walk out on her if she pulls that stuff." So one night I bumped into her at the club and I dismissed her. Waved my hand at her as if to say "Go away. I don't want you." And my face was DEAD serious. She got so mad and walked away. With a sourpuss face the rest of the night. I was still having a good time WITHOUT HER.

    When she left she text me "Have a goodnight asshole." I smiled because this is actually the first time she has ever initiated text with me. Up to that point I had difficulty just getting her to respond to mine. I responded, "Thanks. You to." Then she let it out:

    Her: "I didn't do anything for you to act that way."

    Me: "One word. Zoo." (She flaked 3 times to go to the zoo.)

    Her: "I told you I was busy blah blah blah" (any response is good in my eyes. The fact that she is explaining herself is good.)

    Me: "Look, I made a real effort to show you that I think your special and not just a sidepiece. But I'm no ones puppy dog and can only chase for so long."

    Some more convo similar in tone. But I kid you not, I saw her at least 3 times the next 2 weeks. My mind was BLOWN. Now I know that you can't always be cool with everything. You have to have that "fed up" point ya know. This response ended up being longer than I thought lol. Hope this helps and good luck.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  4. #4
    tonystark88 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How should I proceed with this girl?

    Oh that's awesome really cool story. You still seeing her. Ya sometimes being an "asshole" can really work. I mean sounds like you were in the right. Nah the momentum is there for her I mean she did invite me to a bar yesterday .

    I'm just saying does she just want a f buddy ? No she's looking for a relationship. Won't commit to any date but yet expects me to just go venture off on a whim and go hang out with her cause I have nothing better to do.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: How should I proceed with this girl?

    Yea it's tough to tell if she's figured what she wants right now. But I'm sure she's still interested to find out which one she wants.

    No I don't see her. We both got our relationships now, but we were still dating for a few more months before that happened. She just made more of an effort after that. I was able to feel good about being angry again lol. There is a way to do it without seeming beta or a whining little boy. It's almost an art. HA! Even just browsing through the Wikipedia page on anger is sooooo interesting.

    Not sure where you can go from here. My vote is to put her on that emotional roller coaster. Bring some life back into it. If someone has anything better then what are you waiting for and give your opinion!
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  6. #6
    tonystark88 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How should I proceed with this girl?

    Was it good or bad that I didn't go meet her yesterday? Should I call her out on her last min notice?

  7. #7
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    Default Re: How should I proceed with this girl?

    The way I see it is this:

    The farther ahead a woman makes plans with you (and follows them) the more she values you. So if she makes plans with you two weeks ahead and actually meets you, then she REALLY values you. If she hits you up last min expecting you to drop everything for her then she doesn't value your time, but hers. I've responded saying "Oh I would love to, but I'm already out. If you would've asked me earlier I would've." I don't recall if this actually worked, but it was always a genuine response I gave to them.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  8. #8
    tonystark88 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How should I proceed with this girl?

    You are 100% right. Well how about I ask her when she is leaving to go out of town which I think is next week sometime. I figure if she can't meet me and we and I gotta spend another week bs INg ill move on.

    Can't text forever

  9. #9
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    Default Re: How should I proceed with this girl?

    I always like Batman replies for some reason, maybe because of the similarity i have faced.

    Anyways, I want to inject something here to what Batman said: The thing is the only reason this will work effectively is if your value is set high with her. She values you if you walk away out of her life and that calling card you play in times of emergency. Some girls dont care if you walk away because you havent establish anything with them thus not much of a loss.

    Thats why they emphasize say k-close or even f-close soon as possible.

    Anyway, I would suggest stop trying to meet up with her. And talk to her like a friend. Show her that you have other priorities elsewhere. I remember someone told me on here if you care about someone or something you have to be able to take the gamble of losing it for you or it to knows it worth.

    So take that gamble.
    ------------------------------------

  10. #10
    tonystark88 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How should I proceed with this girl?

    Thanks guys for the advice. Ya us fellow superheroes have to stick together. Earlier this week I had told her I was done asking her to hang out. And while she did get mad that I was bugging her, she got nervous and wanted me to call, then I didn't call her and she got nervous. I played it like I was busy and if she didn't have time to hang out I had to make other plans. At one point she was like oh so is hanging out or talking on the phone off the table. She couldn't commit to going snowboarding with her on sunday but she did mention that she could grab some of her stuff when she comes back from her vacation out of home. She is into me, she does text me several times a day, but I agree 100% on this value on time.

    I have no problems walking away from girls or not texting them, but after all this investment and the fact that this one I actually like I'm more eager to try.

    I decided to ask her when she was leaving for out of town. I'd like to get her to commit to a day. That's all. What would be something good to say that doesn't come across so needy. Otherwise this chick goes out of town for a week and then its the same bs. I'm more than just oh lets text me all day and then just message me last minute. Eventually I will do a Freeze-Out (she is invested ), but at some point I have to express to her . What's a good way to say it

    As always thanks guys


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